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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to phone Jo Jingles leader who has started to blatently exclude & ignore my 2 year old, help me plan my approach:(

207 replies

indiana7 · 01/05/2015 14:01

My dd has been going to JJ since she was a baby & adores the classes so much , she has all the cds, the doll, talks about the classes & the leader constantly
However over the past few weeks the leader has taken an obvious dislike towards her & it's very obvious. My dd is extremely outgoing & loves to run up at the start of class with "her news" etc. She answers all the questions the leader asks but leader ignores dd & waits for someone else to answer & pretends they were they were the first to, always makes dd(who sits & waits patiently) wait until last for her instrument, then compliments other child on their "great waiting"! DD went for her nap their say X never heard me telling her the animals names, did I tell her loudly enough?( Dd is extremely articulate for age) then started crying saying X doesn't like me

It is breaking my heart, I was furious leaving the class as my dd was the only child that the leader didn't play with under the parachute, dd went over to where she was & sat beside her & she turned her back on her

I have had plenty of run ins with passive aggressive people throughout my life & have never stood up for myself. However I feel I have to fight dd's corner as she loves Jo Jingles & there is nothing else around here either for her to go to. Dd is so confident(something I never & still don't have) & I don't want that knocked out of her. Should I phone her & what do I say?

Ps leaving the class today another mom randomly commented to me "she does have her favourites doesn't she"

OP posts:
CamelHump · 01/05/2015 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustHavinABreak · 01/05/2015 22:31

Bloody hell clam, you've made your point. Surely the OP can get some guidance here without your "helpful" sarcasm.

GobbolinoCat · 01/05/2015 22:37

Yes, same with Tumble Tots, sold as an essential part of your dc development, if they don't get taught how to climb they never will.

Its a load of shite, and its actually meant to be fun. Every single thing a toddler does is a learning experience. Its once a week for half hour? 40 mins?

The aim of JJ is to make money, and give parents somewhere to go and something fun for dc to do.

HuftysTrain · 01/05/2015 22:44

I can't believe some of these replies. A 2 year old isn't stupid- and can easily pick up body language cues and correctly interpret them.

Well I spend a lot of time with 2 year olds. They rarely have the language or emotional intelligence to articulate the notion that a grown-up doesn't like them.

Go to a different sing-a-long class OP. It just doesn't matter. You are being a bit silly and Jo Jingles will think you are absolutely bonkers if you raise this with them. I was at a Gymboree today. I'm trying to imagine a parent having a quiet word with the teacher to say "I'm worried you don't like my little pumpkin, you never let her tell you the bus is red." I can't.

It's harder with your pfb. It's almost impossible not to see them as the centre of yours and everyone else's world. We've all felt that way at times so I'm trying not to be rude but really, really, either let it go or drop the class.

reni1 · 01/05/2015 22:47

Please don't call JJ, that would be so embarrassing, you will cringe at the thought for years, promise.

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 01/05/2015 22:50

I agree with a lot of PPs. Have you thought you might be projecting your own insecurities and childhood experiences onto your little girl and she is picking up on that? She thinks the teacher doesn't like her because you are telling her (via body language or whatever) the teacher doesn't like her.

Anyway, it's a music franchise designed to make money. A two year old doesn't need that to develop. Stick some music on and get some instruments out in your own living room.

Really stop going to this class because whatever the truth of it is, your TWO YEAR OLD is getting stressed by it. And 2 year olds shouldn't be stressed. It is not good for their learning or well being.

taxi4ballet · 01/05/2015 23:18

"She does have her favourites, doesn't she?"... so said the other mum at the end of class.

Am I the only one to detect a hint of sarcasm in this remark?

HeyDuggee · 01/05/2015 23:22

Huftys, the OP said her daughter did. What point are you making in your post other than to try to discredit her because in your experience, most 2 year olds don't say/do that?

If you don't believe her, then don't offer advice instead of telling her she's being silly.

Pico2 · 01/05/2015 23:22

I have a very confident and articulate DD. We have been to various groups, though bar one group, that stopped when I went back to work. She was also my pfb and only until 4. What has been the making of her in channelling her exuberance and language has been going to an excellent nursery. It is run by professionals who have strategies to teach even the 2 year olds to take turns at speaking. And in a nursery environment children copy each other and are often better behaved as a result. The adults at nursery enjoy DD's language skills both because makes their time with her interesting and because they can deal effectively with her.

In contrast, groups like JJ can be run by people without similar experience and without the on the job training that nursery staff get. The ratio of the JJ leader to children is also massively higher than a nursery class would be.

I think that it is worth discussing this in some form with the JJ leader. But I wonder whether your DD may have "outgrown" the setting with the leader you have and might benefit from smaller group sizes and time away from her 'rock'.

BingBong36 · 01/05/2015 23:39

A 2 year old, or any child for that matter, should never feel that an adult doesn't like her.

I would go again next week and if the teacher does it again i would go up and ask afterwards. Just say you feel that your DD is being ignored and is there a reason why because she has also picked up on it, which is very dissapointing because she loves the class.

Be honest, you will never have to see that women again.

For what it's worth I hated joe jingles, it's a rip off.

fulltothebrim · 02/05/2015 07:30

A 2 year old, or any child for that matter, should never feel that an adult doesn't like her.

I agree- and the OP should question why she has put this idea into her DDs head.

wingsandstrings · 02/05/2015 21:21

"I am not fond of pushy kids. Plenty others feel the same- including teachers"
Wow, you sound really unpleasant! The child - or rather the infant - in question is 2. She's not 'pushy', and I suspect that you are fairly unusual in disliking 2 year olds for being enthusiastic. Should her mother perhaps start to work with her on behaviour that allows other children to also participate equally? Yes, absolutely. Should we be calling a happy enthusiastic toddler 'pushy' for enjoying her music classes? No. Do many 2 year olds have a strong social sense of how their behaviour affects others? No no no no no, in fact I don't think I've ever met one who does. A confident enthusiastic child can no more help their personality than an anxious and shy child can help theirs. If you are going to work with children, even as a Jo Jingles class leader, you should be competent at working with different personalities of children and supporting them all. The class leader seems to struggle to do this. Personally I wouldn't take an aggressive or complaining approach, I would say something along the lines of 'I realise that DD can be quite overwhelming in her enthusiasm. It's because she absolutely loves this class and she is one of life's enthusiasts. How can I help you make sure that she doesn't dominate the class? She is feeling a bit sensitive at the moment, and it would be kind if you could call on her to answer questions sometimes, and also I know that she adores you and if you had time to have a little hello to her next week it would mean the world to her'. I work with kids a lot, in a school and also in a different context, and I have to say I love the enthusiasts - they tend to be a lot of fun. It's so much easier to temper them down a bit than to get the reluctant or shy ones to join in. There are always some small kids shouting out the answers, carried away by a wave of enthusiasm, and always some sitting on the edges glowering.

6Musiclover · 02/05/2015 22:31

Jesus wept! Please tell me this is a jokeShock

Coyoacan · 03/05/2015 02:10

Should we be calling a happy enthusiastic toddler 'pushy' for enjoying her music classes? No. Do many 2 year olds have a strong social sense of how their behaviour affects others? No no no no no

This

I am shocked at all these nasty comments about an unhappy two-year-old that nobody commenting has even met.

How dare she be enthusiastic and participative? I mean really.

I would talk to the leader OP. When I was a teacher I felt closer to the children whose parents came to talk to me. Maybe it shouldn't be like that, but it happened.

Thruaglassdarkly · 03/05/2015 03:01

I wouldn't stand for that nonsense. Take your child and business elsewhere. there are lots of other music type sessions for toddlers and small people. Your child doesn't need that kind of petty snubbing. Protect it from this.

Thruaglassdarkly · 03/05/2015 03:02

I wouldn't even bother talking to this rude unprofessional woman. Vote with feet and get your lovely daughter into a group where her enthusiasm is welcomed.

NurseRoscoe · 03/05/2015 07:10

I think I would be upset about my child being the only one not to get a chance under the parachute (if they were literally the only one and not one of a few if that makes sense) and not being allowed to answer a single question. I would speak to the teacher about that just to clear up any misunderstanding

However being very blunt and honest, if my son was standing on the stage screaming out his colours for attention or trying to reel off animal names to a group leader I would probably tell him to calm down and stop showing off, that he will have his time to speak and show everyone what he's learned.

It just takes a bit of balance, that sort of behaviour isn't attractive and shouldn't really be encouraged, I know she's only 2 so not her fault at all, it's your job to gently tell her that maybe it would be nicer to wait til teacher is free then say 'I learned blah blah blah this week miss!'

insancerre · 03/05/2015 07:27

I think its a good lesson to learn that you can't always be the centre of the universe
Unfortunately some children never learn this lesson

claravine · 03/05/2015 09:20

Don't phone her op, it will look a bit intense. Pico may well have a point about her having outgrown the situation, maybe try something with more of an age range where there will be other kids as verbally confident as she sounds to be. See what your local library offers.

claravine · 03/05/2015 09:22

The big thing with the school years is knowing when to pick your battles op. And not to go in fuming but seem willing to hear both sides of the story.

MintJulip · 03/05/2015 10:17

I am shocked at all these nasty comments about an unhappy two-year-old that nobody commenting has even met

^ this

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/05/2015 10:24

Clam. .it's a parenting support website. Not a website for support of natural disaster survivors. No need for your comment.

clam · 03/05/2015 10:38

I'm aware of the function of Mumsnet. I've been on here for 8 years.
And a little perspective is clearly needed here. The OP said she was "heartbroken." Really? Hmm One day, (hopefully, at least), she will look back on this and cringe.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/05/2015 11:15

Still shouldn't belittle someone for asking for advice on a parenting forum.

She feels bad for her DD. It's fair enough.

clam · 03/05/2015 11:27

She asked if she should phone the JJ leader and basically accuse her of excluding/ignoring her child. My view is that she should absolutely not, as even in the best-case scenario, it sounds terribly precious.