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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to phone Jo Jingles leader who has started to blatently exclude & ignore my 2 year old, help me plan my approach:(

207 replies

indiana7 · 01/05/2015 14:01

My dd has been going to JJ since she was a baby & adores the classes so much , she has all the cds, the doll, talks about the classes & the leader constantly
However over the past few weeks the leader has taken an obvious dislike towards her & it's very obvious. My dd is extremely outgoing & loves to run up at the start of class with "her news" etc. She answers all the questions the leader asks but leader ignores dd & waits for someone else to answer & pretends they were they were the first to, always makes dd(who sits & waits patiently) wait until last for her instrument, then compliments other child on their "great waiting"! DD went for her nap their say X never heard me telling her the animals names, did I tell her loudly enough?( Dd is extremely articulate for age) then started crying saying X doesn't like me

It is breaking my heart, I was furious leaving the class as my dd was the only child that the leader didn't play with under the parachute, dd went over to where she was & sat beside her & she turned her back on her

I have had plenty of run ins with passive aggressive people throughout my life & have never stood up for myself. However I feel I have to fight dd's corner as she loves Jo Jingles & there is nothing else around here either for her to go to. Dd is so confident(something I never & still don't have) & I don't want that knocked out of her. Should I phone her & what do I say?

Ps leaving the class today another mom randomly commented to me "she does have her favourites doesn't she"

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/05/2015 11:33

I agree.

My issue is with bringing up the Nepal Disaster.

clam · 03/05/2015 11:45

Well, that's about getting things in perspective.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 03/05/2015 11:51

It's possible to kindly give perspective too :)

Aeroflotgirl · 03/05/2015 13:01

There are some really horrid comments about a little 2 year old young child, she is 2 fgs, not 22! Of course a lot of 2 year olds are very self focused. The leader is an adult, who supposidly trained, and works with all kinds of children on a regular basis. She therefore has to be professional and kinds in her approach to children. From the sound of the op, she is not! Ignoring a child, so that the child notices that she is being ignored, other parents have picked up on the way the leader is with op dd. I personally would not confront her, she will only get defensive and huffy, I would just remove her, and find another group with a more professional leader.

ScrumpyBetty · 03/05/2015 13:08

The tragedy in Nepal is devastating clam but that doesn't mean that life just stops for everybody and people suddenly are not allowed to get upset by anything trivial.

saltnpepa · 03/05/2015 13:11

She is trying to teach your child to be part of a group, not to take over. Your child is too young to learn this lesson in this way and the leader ought to have communicated with you her approach. She doesn't dislike your child she is trying to show her that other children have answers and might want a turn at being first. You need to talk to her about it.

Marynary · 03/05/2015 13:18

The leader is an adult, who supposidly trained, and works with all kinds of children on a regular basis.

Why would she be fully trained to work with all kinds of children or a "professional". I think the people who do it are self employed who have about a week's training in about running a business. Childcare qualifications or any other qualification would not be required particularly as parents stay with the children during the class.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/05/2015 13:23

Whatever Mary there is no need for an adult who works with children, to treat a child in such an appealling manner. We do dislike certain children, and some get on our nerves, but you never show that to the child, that is your issue, not the childs, especially a 2 year old!

I was furious leaving the class as my dd was the only child that the leader didn't play with under the parachute, dd went over to where she was & sat beside her & she turned her back on her

There is no need for that behaviour from the leader toatally unacceptable. I gather op pays for this, she pays for a service, and for her child not to be treated in such a way. I would Contact the head of JJ in your area to lodge a complaint, against the Franchisee, and remove my dd from there. I would not put her through that again.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/05/2015 13:30

Yes op dd does sound like one of those annoying kids, but there is a way of dealing with it, that does not rip apart a child's confidence.

Spotifymuse · 03/05/2015 13:34

I think your only issue is that you are projecting WAY to much about your own issues with your parents.
When your DD talked about the leader not liking her, it would have been an ideal chance to talk about taking turns etc.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/05/2015 13:37

Its very difficult, when an adult is turning her back on her, and she was the only one not involved in the parachute game. Op has said, she waited her turn, and got ignored. How do you explain that to a 2 year old! That behaviour from the leader is not on, at the time, I would have said, to the leader, dd hasen't gone under the parachute yet, come on dd go under the parachute like the others.

teawamutu · 03/05/2015 13:49

OP, in the nicest and kindest possible way, you're projecting your own past massively onto this situation.

Even if your 2yo DD can sense people don't like her (and I've yet to meet one that would be able to at that age, without picking up vibes from the adults around her) - there's no way a weekly singing class should have that much power over either of you.

You'd do better to teach her to wait her turn, and both of you need not to be so invested in her getting praise and attention from others.

I know that prob sounds awful when you're sad - I'm sorry, and I do understand, I wept when DS1 fell out with friends in Reception and wasn't invited to parties (he was oblivious). Honestly though, you're making life far more difficult than it needs to be for both of you.

DawnOfTheDoggers · 03/05/2015 13:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 03/05/2015 14:01

So your DD jumps in witih all the answers - the teacher is quite right to let others have a go. You need to teach your dd that she cannot be the centre of everyones universe.

clam · 03/05/2015 14:11

Just look at some of the OTT responses on here that have leapt off the page at me:

"that behaviour from the leader is totally unacceptable"

"there is a way of dealing with it, that does not rip apart a child's confidence."

"rude unprofessional woman."

"It's appalling to treat a toddler like this"

"I was furious leaving the class"

"Make an official complaint."

"...your dd being treated the way she is"

And all this because the OP has perceived that the JJ leader, who was probably run off her feet managing a class full of over-enthusiastic 2 year olds,appears to have turned her back on her child. Fgs, she probably has no IDEA she even did this - the child sat down next to her and she more than likely happened to see another child about to stick a drum stick up her nose, or something else that the OP was unaware of, so rushed to deal with it. The point is, none of us knows, as we weren't there, so to slate this woman as being unprofessional and advise an official complaint is way over the top. Not getting a turn under the parachute? Well, we don't know how many children are in this class, but that could well have been an oversight.

If you don't like the class, stop going, although there are going to be many, many other occasions in life where you are going to see other people (adults and children) seemingly brush off your child. Some will do it deliberately, others won't, but it will happen, and your best bet is to bolster your own child's confidence, in order to be able to shrug it off. I'm still surprised that a 2 year old articulated that an adult didn't like her, but the thing to do there was to reassure her, not buy into the idea and re-inforce the idea in her head that this could even be possible.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/05/2015 14:30

It is clam, other parents noticed it too, it wasen't just within the op. No I never go to such classes, I always had the opposite problem with dc with SN who diden't speak and where totally withdrawn. Op can see how it goes this week, mabey if she is unhappy have a chat to the leader afterwards or not take her.

ZenNudist · 03/05/2015 14:30

Thread got a little bunfighty but I broadly agree OP should get a grip.

If your dd seems upset brush it off and chivvy her along. Tell her the instructor had lots of children in the class and has to be fair to everyone.

Don't be over-praising from the side. I think it can have a negative effect on children who come to expect praise and feel bad when it's not given.

Fgs don't call the JJ teacher after hours. The time to deal with offhand behaviour is straight after class. Don't direct blame at the teacher.

Also you seem highly strung and over-invested in a child's class. Perhaps take up a hobby or get out more, do something other than child rearing to get your mind of this stuff!

clam · 03/05/2015 14:51

"other parents noticed it too" Well, that's not certain, actually. The OP quoted something that someone else is meant to have said, but the context of the remark is unclear. Sounds to me as if it might have been something non-committal and vaguely supportive by someone who didn't want to get involved. Or, as another poster said earlier, it could have been a little sarcastic. Who knows?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 03/05/2015 15:01

I'd wait til next week and see if the class leader gets the balance a bit better. Sounds like she was trying to control the group dynamics and not let your little one dominate, but went too far the other way. Best way to tell if it was her showing dislike is to see if it happens again, and then you can say you know she's teyinb to get a balance but you feel it's gone a bit far the last two classes...

6Musiclover · 03/05/2015 15:42

Good god OP, How on earth are you going to deal with the big stuff in life, when you thin this is actually an issue.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/05/2015 15:56

Op should see how things go, talk to the leader after her session, if she's not happy, remove her dd.

Sazzle41 · 03/05/2015 16:01

What lemonyone said. It does sound like rather as if your DD needs to be front & centre attention wise. As an ex teacher its really tricky when you have a child like that. The teacher may be trying albeit not that well, to send the message that yes you are right etc but so are the other quieter children who arent wriggling/calling out//dont like putting their hand up.

I wouldnt call the teacher, but I would maybe chat about letting others have a chance with your DD. Is she an only one? The children i had like that tended to be only children. It can get wearing when they are so 'in your face' in their need to be front & centre. Its way better they learn the social skill re. how to share the limelight / let others have a go rather than being that annoying loud child who tramples over the others in their need for the limelight.

Marynary · 03/05/2015 16:04

Whatever Mary there is no need for an adult who works with children, to treat a child in such an appealling manner. We do dislike certain children, and some get on our nerves, but you never show that to the child, that is your issue, not the childs, especially a 2 year old!

I agree which is why I think OP should just vote with her feet if things don't improve and find something else to do. The Jo Jingles leader is obviously not good with children and life is too short to agonise over it.

reni1 · 03/05/2015 16:12

Please don't call, op, I am embarrassed second hand for you at the thought. You'll think back and cringe in two year's time. She will then be in school, one of 30 kids, and she'll get a word in twice a day in class. If you manage to keep her in a bubble until then (applause correct answers, must have lavish praise, neediness in front of teachers etc) she will have one hell of a ride.

reni1 · 03/05/2015 16:56

Oh, and if your dd is shouting out all the colours again, OP, put your finger on your lips or otherwise signal to her to put her hand up rather than praising this.