Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Need advice.....

215 replies

Clinkclank · 19/04/2015 21:27

I have a friend who I really do enjoy spending time with. There is one thing that really puts me off is her being clingy.....

I have a two year old DD and her DD is only 6 months older than mine and they get on well. My friend is currently on maternity leave - she has just had her DS.

I work 3 & 1/2 days per week and she always wants to meet up on my days off which I don't mind visiting or going out for half a day with the kids, but she is always wanting to met up. Sometimes I just simply don't want to as I would like to have the day with my child alone or visiting family and trying to fit in the housework & other chores so we can spend quality time together when the hubby is off over the weekend.

If I say that I am busy doing blah blah she starts to get pushy and suggests options of how we can meet up which at first didn't bother me but is starting to now.

If I don't meet up with her and say that I have been busy she starts to say 'what have I done' and I say nothing? im just busy.

Just really disappointed as I'm starting to feel irritated and smothered. I really enjoy our time together. I feel she is spoiling our friendship with being soo clingy.....

I'm tired of making excuses when I desperately need some space. I feel like I can't be honest with her when I just need the day with my child. inhave hinted that I need some time with my child and she simply doesn't get it.

Any advice on how to handle this?

OP posts:
marfisa · 22/04/2015 19:33

And yeah, she has TOTALLY derailed the OP's thread. Hmm

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 22/04/2015 19:33

Oh banned and reregistered?

finnbarrcar · 22/04/2015 19:38

Lol madders....no need to flounce now. That said your shit's a bit repetitive. Probably time to retire this persona and invent a less rabid one....there's so much more mileage in the sloooow burnWink

finnbarrcar · 22/04/2015 19:40

....ya kinda shot your load on this thread prematurely dollGrin

MewlingQuim · 22/04/2015 19:58

I'm guessing madders doesn't have much of a family or many friends I feel very sorry for her Sad

DinkyDye · 22/04/2015 20:08

Maddie I'm referring to DH and DC when l say family. DC are not grown adults, one hasnt started school and the other is yet to be born!

Yes they would most definitely come before friends. Why are you assuming everyone's an adult?

Do you have any dc??

TenerifeSea · 22/04/2015 20:11

Talk about derailing the thread. Hmm

I would not want to see the same friend all the time and not because I want family time but because I have other friends to see and boring shit to do like; the dentist and housework. That said, there are some friends I used to see once or twice a week but that was because we had plans or fancied it, not a planned arrangement. It's nice to be a bit spontaneous. I do wonder if the OP's friend is struggling with loneliness though and would point her in the direction of some support.

marfisa · 22/04/2015 20:16

Oh wait, I just noticed that maddiehayesfan morphed into Maddiefan. I'm slow. Grin

pictish · 22/04/2015 21:21

Well...gosh! Shock

Fatmomma99 · 22/04/2015 23:57

HI All. This is my first post!

I don't know if CityKlank (have I got that right) is still following this thread, and wouldn't blame her if she isn't, but wanted to say to her.. I joined after lurking for a while because of this thread. It seems to me that we all need different things at different points in our lives: When my DD was born, I was TERRIFIED and I really needed a plan for each day when I was on mat leave, because I was scared of being a mum. Things have moved on and I love it now! And I appreciate time with her (at just the point she's enjoying separation). A few years ago, my dad was diagnosed with a cancer (which eventually killed him) and while he was ill, I spent loads of actual and mental time with him and my mum and sister, and my family stood back. When I was in late teens and having sex and boyfriends, friends were incredibly important (I used to talk over every detail of my sexual life with them. I wouldn't now!). My best friend, who is single still looks back on the time I got together with my husband and describes me like a "smug married".
My point, Clinkclank, is that we have different needs at different times depending what is going on for us. You are NOT the right person for her needs at this point, and she is not the right person for you with your needs. I'm not dismissing your friendship in the areas it works for both of you, and i hope you both continue to get what works for you both, but you're both not fulfilling each other's needs in the right way, however much you both like each other. And need fulfillment is important, even if it's not a proper word!

Maddiehayesfan, I'm kind-of wondering if your issues stem from the fact that people you consider friends are citing family time as a reason not to see you. Given the strident definition you give to friendship, I don't blame them.... It's not families. I suspect they're giving you excuses, love, because you are hard work and high maintenance. You're obviously bright... think about it.

Original poster
Clinkclank · 23/04/2015 22:02

Thought I'd update you all. I went to visit my friend today, turns out that the friends she made from DS group are a bit hard to get along with. She doesn't fit in. She basically said that she really enjoys our time and has felt that she has been a bit pushy and apologised. She said that she hasn't got many friends. I felt quite sad as I thought she made made more.

I told her that I really valued our friendship but found it hard to juggle a few things when I have spent more time with her. She completely understood. It turned out better than I thiught. I feel loads better and it was easier as she didn't get upset. The pressure is off - I would met up with her again pretty soon - I just feel a massive weight has been lifted.

She did says she was lonely and felt a bit desperate for company. I feel a bit guilty complaining about her now but at the same time happy we had that discussion.

Well I can say maddie you should have started your own thread instead of taken over mine.

Good luck to you maddie - with an attitude like that you must be very lonely.

Thanks everyone for your comments. It helps me brush off my frustration and tackle it with more empathy.

OP posts:
MagentaOeuflon · 23/04/2015 22:13

Oh that's great Clink, well done for talking it over, and good for her too that she was able to admit she'd been a bit OTT. In your shoes I'd probably have feared confronting it and just avoided the other person – I admire you for tackling it!

DakotaFanny · 23/04/2015 22:42

Well done! Glad it went smoothly.

kissmethere · 23/04/2015 23:00

Excellent, so glad. It will be better for you both now you know where you stand.
As for Maddie, well held your thread to ransom but you've got it back now Grin

Original poster
Clinkclank · 24/04/2015 08:18

Honestly I just feel great today. My friend said that she was glad we talked about it. So no hard feelings.

Was dreading it as I have never had to do this before - in the end it wasn't that bad. We are both happy!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page