Need advice.....

[Clinkclank]

I have a friend who I really do enjoy spending time with. There is one thing that really puts me off is her being clingy.....

I have a two year old DD and her DD is only 6 months older than mine and they get on well. My friend is currently on maternity leave - she has just had her DS.

I work 3 & 1/2 days per week and she always wants to meet up on my days off which I don't mind visiting or going out for half a day with the kids, but she is always wanting to met up. Sometimes I just simply don't want to as I would like to have the day with my child alone or visiting family and trying to fit in the housework & other chores so we can spend quality time together when the hubby is off over the weekend.

If I say that I am busy doing blah blah she starts to get pushy and suggests options of how we can meet up which at first didn't bother me but is starting to now.

If I don't meet up with her and say that I have been busy she starts to say 'what have I done' and I say nothing? im just busy.

Just really disappointed as I'm starting to feel irritated and smothered. I really enjoy our time together. I feel she is spoiling our friendship with being soo clingy.....

I'm tired of making excuses when I desperately need some space. I feel like I can't be honest with her when I just need the day with my child. inhave hinted that I need some time with my child and she simply doesn't get it.

Any advice on how to handle this?

maddie people aren't saying that family should always come before friends. On the other hand, you may not realise it but you are really not coming across as calm.

Have RTFT. OP there's some good advice here on dealing with your friend - it does sound as though she is struggling a bit (especially if other friends are avoiding her) so she is desperately trying to keep hold of you. Unfortunately, you obviously cannot work, spend time with family and other friends, ensure you house is not a pigsty etc. and also see her as much as she seems to need to.

You've mentioned a few times she repeatedly messages you and tries to reorganise your time to suit her, and she doesn't pick up on your cues of feeling overwhelmed with the contact and need for reassurance. This again points to her struggling.

You might need to tell her the truth and then reassure her you really enjoy seeing her so she knows it's not her. Suggest a visit to the GP for her and a regular time to meet up (maybe not a whole day - I'd really struggle with that too). She needs to respect your boundaries and need for time to yourself/family/other friends. It sounds as though you are giving her a lot already.

Hope you get some respite OP.

Actually iwishiwasasarah, plenty of people did say exactly that, further back in the thread. Family always comes first. That is what I had an issue with and that is what I said makes someone a shit friend.

I don't really care how I'm coming across, I don't know any of you so why should I?

Maddie we aren't discussing your situation but to be brutally honest you sound like fucking hard work. Going by your attitude on here l am surprised you have friends.

and yes, my family would come before my friends every single time.

sucks to be me l guess.

So do most of you, DinkyDye. Most of you sound ridiculous; nothing of note in your life apart from your awful children and your families that you appear to still be tied to by the apron strings despite being grown adults. Did none of you ever grow up?! Utterly pathetic.

I have plenty of friends DinkyDye; perhaps that's because I know how to value them; something you appear not to be aware of how to do. If you would genuinely put a jolly with your partner above a grieving friend who's mother had just died, that makes you a shit, shit friend, and frankly, a shit person generally. So yeah, it would suck to be you. You poor thing, I feel quite sorry for you.

Maddie do you have children?

Makes no difference whether I do or not. My opinion is the same either way.

It's all about Maddie

I thought so

OP YANBU and if gentle firmness doesn't work, well, I'd adopt the approach mentioned waaaaay up thread of suggesting a time/date you are comfortable with and being quite noticeably firm about it. As mentioned, balance is key.

Maddie - wow you're a barrel of laughs! Have you ALWAYS been like this? I'm wondering whether your "friend" from way back when was already trying to phase you out when your mum died? It's hard work being around someone who is so entrenched in their opinions.

Well, damn Maddy, you're really showing everyone how to live a little. You seem to be the only one getting irrationally upset about how other people live their lives.

Better a brainless fuckwith than a thoroughly unpleasant twat. Take your pick.

Someone saying "yes, I prioritise my family" does not mean they never see anyone else or do anything else, or that they are pathetic, or that their children are awful.

Yes. What Magenta said.

Takes one to know one, Down. You're not exactly covered in roses yourself love.

Not to you Magenta, maybe. I find it pathetic. I find it utterly, utterly pathetic that there are grown adults walking around who still live in their families' pockets. Ludicrous.

That's quite an achievement maddy to personally attack the entire posters on a thread.

Yes yes we know you don't care but I'm pointing it out anyway.

Maddie that hatred you carry will tear you apart. You don't sound like a happy person.

Do you want to talk about why you are so angry at people that have families/children? Or why you feel the need to furiously insult strangers?

Does anyone else think it's really quite sad that the OP was looking for advice on how to save her friendship yet the most prolific poster doesn't seem to a) have any advice on how to do that and b) seems so wrapped up in their own agenda that actual helpful posts are being totally lost?

I don't carry any hatred, Egg. You don't know me from Adam.

No I don't care to rephrase Do you care to be less fucking rude?