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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - Adult son house key issue

247 replies

Feelinghelpless2 · 19/04/2015 09:05

Posted before about issue my DS causes my DH and I, his DSS. So he's finally moved out at the age off 22 but I won't take the key back of him. My DH feels very strongly about him having a key and wants it back saying he doesn't need it - thoughts anyone? It's causing massive problems between us, but I just can't ask for it back it feels so final! Is my DH or I the one being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Variousrandomthings · 19/04/2015 09:07

I had a house key when i first left home as a student. I think it's the norm while they are still young

Nolim · 19/04/2015 09:10

Agree, he should return it.

MrsEvadneCake · 19/04/2015 09:10

I still have a house key at 41 but I would only use it if mom knew I was coming over or if she asked me to let myself in. Mom has a key to my house because she looked after my DC when they were little. Again she only uses it if she is with the children. It's about what you are comfortable with and respecting privacy.

Galvanised · 19/04/2015 09:10

Gosh, your dh seems to have a lot of demands when it comes to your son doesn't he? How are you feeling about that?
I still have a key to my folks and I must be at least 20 years older than your son. I would be upset if my mum asked me for my key back.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 19/04/2015 09:10

If you are who I think you are then your dh is not unreasonable to not want someone who racially abuses himself and his son to have a key to their house.

Apologies if you are not the above poster... but some more info would be useful.

Idontseeanydragons · 19/04/2015 09:11

I still have a house key to my parents - I'm 40!
Tell DH it's useful for times when you might need him to pop in and wait for a parcel for you or in emergencies Smile
Go through a house rule with your DS though - no just calling round and raiding the fridge when you're not in..

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 19/04/2015 09:13

I still have, and use regularly to my parents house. It was my home for 20 years and no matter how many times my dad says 'You don't live here any more!' When I Nick a biscuit or something, they wouldn't have it any other way. I find it desperately sad that your DH wants to stop your son from testing it as home even after he has moved out.

SeattleGraceMercyDeath · 19/04/2015 09:14

So many typos...

Original poster
Feelinghelpless2 · 19/04/2015 09:14

Wrong poster pourquoi. My DS has had parties whilst we've been away hence the trust side and my DH is a private person so feels he doesn't need a key. It'll tear my DH and I apart so do I back down?

OP posts:
TENDTOprocrastinate · 19/04/2015 09:15

I still have a house key to my parents- I'm 34! I moved out 11 years ago!

IfYouWereARiverIdLearnToFloat · 19/04/2015 09:15

I still have a house key to my parents house & I left home 9 years ago. My parents also have a key to my house. They are about to move again & they'll probably give me a key to that house too.

It's particularly handy in an emergency and has been needed on a couple of occasions.

SlatternIsMyMiddleName · 19/04/2015 09:15

I'm 40 and still have a key to my parents house. If I know they are in I either ring the doorbell as I'm walking through the door or call out to them.

I also check their house for them when they are away.

I also raid their fridge as it has more interesting stuff in it than mine.

2rebecca · 19/04/2015 09:15

I'd let him keep the key unless there is a specific reason why you want it back. I suspect if he was your husband's son this wouldn't be an issue. Adult children especially young ones often have keys to their parents' houses. Ask for it back if you don't trust him but otherwise what exactly is the problem with him having a key?

mumeeee · 19/04/2015 09:16

All my DDs kept their keys when they first moved out. DD1 is married now so she gave her keys back.

PicaK · 19/04/2015 09:16

I'm 41 and have a house key for mum and dad's - I don't think I've used it in 5 years but I'd be bereft if they asked for it back. That said they wouldn't be worrying I'd steal or damage anything - not read your back story so not sure what the issue is.

HoggleHoggle · 19/04/2015 09:16

Unless there's a massive backstory here as alluded to up thread, I don't think it's unreasonable for your ds to keep a house key. If he abuses it by letting himself in and pissing about and that's different, but personally I would want my ds to feel that our house is still a home for him even if he doesn't live there.

2rebecca · 19/04/2015 09:16

How long ago were the parties?

NerrSnerr · 19/04/2015 09:16

My husband and I both left home 15 years ago and still have keys. We don't use them often but have been useful at times.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 19/04/2015 09:17

Sorry again op, however parties when your not there (and presumably haven't agreed) is not on. I'd confiscate my dc's housekeys for that.

caravanista13 · 19/04/2015 09:17

We've just moved house and have given keys to our adult children, all in their thirties. We have keys to their houses too. However, we are lucky to have a great relationship with them. It sounds as if your son has caused some serious issues - in that case he may have forfeited his right to be trusted with a key.

carabos · 19/04/2015 09:17

Both of my sons have a key to this, their family home even though neither lives with us. Hell will freeze over before I ask for those keys back because I often lock myself out.

MargotLovedTom · 19/04/2015 09:17

I'm not surprised your DH feels a bit wary.

whitecandles · 19/04/2015 09:18

I'm 32, have a key to my parents' house even though I don't even live in the same country as them.

I'd feel really unwelcome if they asked for it back.

CalicoBlue · 19/04/2015 09:18

If it is a trust issue, then take the key back, or an easier option would be to change the lock. There is not a right or wrong here.

Whatever you do is not final, if he needs access to the house when you are not there you can give him another key.

FarFromAnyRoad · 19/04/2015 09:18

Your son is not trustworthy and I agree with your DH. What are your reasons for wanting him to have a key when he doesn't live there anymore?