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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not enjoy family life

218 replies

winkywinkola · 18/04/2015 18:39

It's relentless.

Churning out meal after meal.

Washing. Ironing. Working (part time). Broken nights - various reasons like nightmares, itchy heads(!), temperatures etc. Constant penny pinching.

I'm sure my 4 dcs are no less demanding than any other but the constant squabbles and demands for this that and the other are wearing.

Even walking my dogs seems like another chore.

I am shattered. I feel so low that there are years of this tedium ahead. No prospect of any break or holidays. I am JEALOUS of all these other parents jetting off to Dubai, the Caribbean, skiing holidays over Easter.

H works many hours each week. He pitches in where possible. He's making bread with the dcs now after gardening with them today. I was ironing and sorting underwear.

Why am I not enjoying this life? Is this family life? I'm not cut out for it. I'm not physically strong enough anymore. I hate it.

Shit. A pity party.

OP posts:
Coffee1234 · 18/04/2015 22:12

I have 4 aged 8,7,3 and 1 and a part time job and the most recent time I felt like you was when I had zero iron. My GP wanted me to have an iron infusion but it came back nicely with tablets. After two weeks I felt human again. I was breastfeeding but eating meat, not really having periods so I have no idea how it got so low.

I also agree with the exercise suggestion - running keeps me sane. And I never ever iron.

It is hard, relentless work though. But I love how they've always got someone to play with and I never ever have to play crap imaginative games with them!

HormonalHeap · 18/04/2015 22:21

As a pp said, I also think it's about finding contentment. You are so, so lucky to have 4 kids. And you DO have something to look forward to- when they're all grown up you have time to travel/hobbies, and have them over for xmas! It's a hard slog now, but you will reap the rewards one day.

ChopOrNot · 18/04/2015 22:23

Get your thyroid level checked too. I felt very like you described as I was just fighting constant tiredness. Turned out it was an under-active thyroid. Life is just so much better just tackling the chores (which seem so much more manageable) and not the bone-crushing tiredness too.

Even though I try to feed us all home made meals I do still occasionally use ready stuff - but not the microwavable curry like things - more like the packs of chicken/pork steak with a 2/3 ingredient sauce in - in a foil tray - just bung in the oven. All prepared and bugger all washing up.
The ubiquitous pasta and pesto (chuck in some chicken if liked)
Or a pack of prepared stir fry veg, straight to wok noodles, stri fry sauce, pre cooked chicken. Bung in wok. Serve.

One or two of these a week is not going to kill anyone and although a bit pricier than doing it all yourself sometimes something has to give.

I hope you start to feel better soon Flowers

liveloveluggage · 18/04/2015 22:29

I agree with the advice so far re health checks and reorganising the chores to make things easier on you. I would say only get rid of your doggie if you absolutely can't manage it lots of other things can be changed to make life easier before taking this step, but if you really can't your mental health must come first. Another thing is to value your work and not think of it as low value just because our society doesn't value practical work and a caring role as it should. You should be proud of what you are doing and value your hard work and accomplishments in caring for your family.

Yika · 18/04/2015 22:37

You say there is nothing to look forward to.. Can you plan some small fun things to do each week either alone or with the family that would make a focal point both looking forward and looking back on it? Half hour 'spa time' pampering yourself at home one evening. Kite flying on a windy day. Collecting foliage on a walk and making a collage together. 10 mins of a relaxation cd. Making a photo album.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 18/04/2015 22:54

Ah, poor OP, you sound at end of your tether.
I have only 2 DC. Age 2 was the hardest time by far. Lack of sleep is torture! So hopefully light at the end of that tunnel in near future.
But I know where you are coming from as I'm the oldest of 6 kids born within 8 years of each other.

I can offer 2 small tips to help.

In good(ish) weather, easy iron icycles on washing machine are your friend. Just hang out the clothes, when talking off clothes line, smooth down and fold. If drying in dryer, remove shortly after drying cycle completes, smooth down and fold or put directly on hangers. And remember, body heat does wonders on wrinkles. Iron the very bare minimum.
My second tip is batch cooking, and eating left overs. When I cook, I batch cook enough for 3 days. For eating today, leftover for tomorrow and another days worth for the freezer. Doesn't work for all meals, but works brilliantly for curry, lasagne, bolegesne sauce, cottage pie, chili, etc.
Make your own pizza can be super quick meal, when you buy a nice base.

Agree with others recommending trip to GP. Chances are its lack of sleep that has you so tired. But worth getting it checked out.

Best of luck to you. xx

Original poster
winkywinkola · 18/04/2015 22:57

You lot are just great. Thank you.

OP posts:
TerryTheGreenHorse · 18/04/2015 23:01

I get my ironing done, it's £12 for a bin bag full picked up and dropped off on hangers.

I can't believe the difference it's made not to have it lurking around in piles - I can keep on top of everything else but that was the straw it really was.

Sorry to keep on about the ironing.

Hathall · 18/04/2015 23:09

I never iron the kids clothes either. I just fold or hang them straight away and they are fine. They may not look perfect but after half an hours wear they look no different to ironed clothes.
Cook one pot or one tray bake meals and cook double the amount and freeze.
Get kids helping with chores. My kids put their own laundry away after I've folded and pile it.
Take a vitamin supplement and drink lots of water.
Take time out for yourself. Meet up with friends. Organise a day or afternoon out. Have things to look forward to.

Yika · 18/04/2015 23:33

How about starting a new family tradition? Games night, movie night, indoor camping on the first night of the holidays? Something to inject a little magic back into your family life :)

Gimmetaytos · 19/04/2015 00:01

Oh come on OP..ironing ffs?I used to iron everything too and just stopped...it is madness.We never look creased or crumpled either I hasten to add.You need to develop short cuts..life is too short!

hobNong · 19/04/2015 00:19

I think Yika's idea of starting a new fanikt tradition is a great one.

I hope you're feeling a bit better and get a decent night's sleep op.

hobNong · 19/04/2015 00:20

Fanikt... Family Hmm

IHaveBrilloHair · 19/04/2015 01:03

I don't iron, and I have an only child and cleaners.
Nothing bad happened because your kids wore slightly creased clothing.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 19/04/2015 04:59

This reply has been deleted

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leeloo1 · 19/04/2015 06:39

Buy some Spatone (3 for 2 at Boots - get the stuff with Apple in it as it increases absorption taking it with Vit C)! I was struggling through the day like this - barely energy to move or get anything done. 2 sachets a day (initially, now just 1 unless I'm starting to get knackered again) and after a week or so I gradually began to feel so much better - and have the energy to do stuff again.

It got to the point I felt fine... and started forgetting to taking it, as I got out of routine . Then I started to feel shit again, until a friend (gently) asked if I was still taking the iron... now back on it! ;) It even makes my periods lighter/less painful/less PMTish (not sure if thats coincidence, but it definitely helps).

Good luck OP!

Vivacia · 19/04/2015 06:46

Crabby that was when people thought a dog wasn't being walked all day. It doesn't make us fuckwits to put a dog's welfare before our right to own one Hmm

Vivacia · 19/04/2015 06:48

OP it might help to tell us a bit more about your routine or stuff that sucks the joy out of a day, so we can make suggestions on alternative ways.

paxtecum · 19/04/2015 06:53

Get some good quality multi-vits and minerals. They will make a difference to how you feel.

gaslamp · 19/04/2015 06:53

Oh OP, you really sound like you have your plate full!

Re the ironing - you said the clothes really need it. Do you have a tumble dryer? If you do - if the clothes are folded the minute they are taken out of the dryer you won't need to iron very much at all (maybe work shirts - that's all we do).

I have 2 DCs and work full time and also exhausted the last few months - but have cut out the crap from my diet, earlier nights, no alcohol and a few runs a week and starting to feel better.

I hope you feel better soon - I was one of four and always am in awe of my mum and how she managed (but do remember her being in bed by 9:30 most nights!!)

jeanne16 · 19/04/2015 07:02

It may be worth seeing your GP and discussing going on anti depressants for a while. I have found them very helpful during a few episodes in my life. They can take the edge off very low feelings and enable you to see the bright side again.

NorksWar · 19/04/2015 07:50

I only have 1 child but he doesn't sleep much and I work tiring shifts (and hate housework).

What works for me is putting on some music I like as I do mundane things - it really lifts my mood.

Also planning ahead and keeping my diary in order. I look online at local things happening such as fêtes or free farm days for us to go to as a family. It spurs me on to get all the housework etc done to keep that day free, and means we have something to look forward to and enjoy together.

TwartFaceBeetj · 19/04/2015 08:36

OPFlowers
I agree try and ditch the ironing and pop to the gp just to check their is nothing underlying

walking a dog is very good for depression, even if it sometimes it feels like another massive chore, nine times out of ten once out it can reinvigorate you.

Set a cut off time on weekends for crappy jobs, don't do any sorting of underwear after 10.30 sort of thing. If there is clean underwear clothes in the house, it's not the end of the world if for a day or two you take them of a pile rather then out of drawers. So if dh is occupying the dcs, go have a cup of tea/watch tv / read a book
Or all go out together for a walk /drive / picnic, that's got to help you feel more alive then sat in on a Saturday afternoon sorting clothes.

neepsandtatties · 19/04/2015 08:38

The only thing that gets ironed in this house is DH's work shirts (which he does). Yes, un-ironed clothes look crumpled when you put them in the drawer, and for the first 5 mins of putting them on, but as soon as your body heat and moisture gets to work, the creases drop out.

Anything that really needs pressing (such as silk mix tops) just get hung in the residual steam of the shower cubicle for 5 mins and put straight on.

STOP BLOODY IRONING!!!!!!

TheWordFactory · 19/04/2015 08:38

I am a list maker by nature OP.

Not only to help me achieve things, but also to work out what it is I want.

Could you write down the things you hate about your current existence, the things that really do your nut in.

Then list the things you enjoy. Or things you used to enjoy. Or things you think you might enjoy.

Put them up here if you likeSmile.

Then work through them, asking why you feel that way. What could change, be adopted, rejected etc.

People here will have good suggestions. Sending out a bag of ironing is a good start!