Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not enjoy family life

218 replies

winkywinkola · 18/04/2015 18:39

It's relentless.

Churning out meal after meal.

Washing. Ironing. Working (part time). Broken nights - various reasons like nightmares, itchy heads(!), temperatures etc. Constant penny pinching.

I'm sure my 4 dcs are no less demanding than any other but the constant squabbles and demands for this that and the other are wearing.

Even walking my dogs seems like another chore.

I am shattered. I feel so low that there are years of this tedium ahead. No prospect of any break or holidays. I am JEALOUS of all these other parents jetting off to Dubai, the Caribbean, skiing holidays over Easter.

H works many hours each week. He pitches in where possible. He's making bread with the dcs now after gardening with them today. I was ironing and sorting underwear.

Why am I not enjoying this life? Is this family life? I'm not cut out for it. I'm not physically strong enough anymore. I hate it.

Shit. A pity party.

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 18/04/2015 20:14

OP having children is hard, relentless work. Your DH sounds as though he is an engaged parent and pulling his weight with child care and so on. You sound exhausted and depressed, go and see your GP you may need some support.

Loyse · 18/04/2015 20:16

I understand. I have 4 dc similar ages, work Pt and have a husband who works long hours. Frankly a dog would tip me over the edge.

Purplepoodle · 18/04/2015 20:21

I get this and I only have 3dc under 6. Dh is pushing for a 4th and a dog which I flatly refused as I'm sure it would tip me over the edge.

dementedma · 18/04/2015 20:23

Family life IS boring, especially if short of money. Its just bloody drudge and wears you down.
I hear you

NakedBaby · 18/04/2015 20:26

=place mark=

IHaveBrilloHair · 18/04/2015 20:29

This is why I only had one, and even then the fun was sucked out of it by being really short of money.
I have no advice, other than to get them to do as much as they can themselves, cut out anything that isn't necessary and think of the future when they are adults and will be so much fun to spend time with.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 18/04/2015 20:30

I have two and work full time, no family help, I find it hard... With four and a dog I would lose the plot

Get rid of the dog, iron if you must, I do, but give something else time consuming a swerve

I'm still trying to work out how to get myself some me time, it's easier said than done sometimes

kathryng90 · 18/04/2015 20:33

The dog is part of the family too. Very sad to see posts saying get rid of the dog.

qumquat · 18/04/2015 20:33

In your op it sounds like your dh is doing the fun stuff while you are doing the tedious stuff, is this always the way it goes? Does he ever do the ironing while you bake with the dcs? Would you enjoy that more?

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 18/04/2015 20:36

A dog that's not getting walked because it's owner barely has time to have a piss on her own is a dog that's got a diminished quality of life, much like it's owner. Said dog would be better off in a home where it is walked etc, thus allowing OP to rid herself of guilt. I'm a firm believer in humans above animals

BeaufortBelle · 18/04/2015 20:41

We only have two and if I'm perfectly honest the under four stage wasn't always all that enjoyable. It was breakingly hard work for long stretches even without being skint. You are doing the really really difficult bit.

It does get better and more rewarding and easier. I promise on Brownie law. You sound like a total Star who needs: Flowers Wine Cake

As someone upthread just said, it might also be worth a precautionary blood test. I had thyroid disease before children and it was exhausting and it made me feel as if life sucked until it was treated.

spudholes · 18/04/2015 20:43

Can't believe people are saying 'get rid of the dog'. PETS ARE NOT DISPOSABLE!

I honestly can't understand why you had to have 4 children, though. Surely you knew how hard it would be when you had the second and third child?

Vivacia · 18/04/2015 20:47

It'd be in the best interests of the dog though spud. It's not been walked since yesterday and its owners chose to bake bread instead of walking it today.

I have a tonne of sympathy for your position OP and I'm another poster who has escaped to a Travelodge a few times.

ThenThereWereEight · 18/04/2015 20:48

4 kids, absent DH, work and a dog? Bloody hell OP, no wonder you feel awful. Could you find someone to have the dog for a bit (borrowmydog.com or whatever it is called?). One night of baked beans with grated cheese a week. Two year olds are exhausting - you will feel much better as he/she gets marginally older. Flowers

Baddz · 18/04/2015 20:49

I would look ingo re homing the dog.
The ops mental and physical health is more important than animal!

maroonedwithfour · 18/04/2015 20:53

Your dh should have took kids and walked the dog, thats not fair.

Getting rid of the dog is just a suggestion, agree with humans before animals. Sometimes its a must. My friend re-homex her dog recently and everyone is happier inc dog.

hobNong · 18/04/2015 20:53

We don't know anything about the op's reasons for having 4 children spud but they are all here now so I don't think asking why op has 4 is really going to help her.

maroonedwithfour · 18/04/2015 20:55

Also I second hotel for the night, preferably with room service. You will feel brand new.

qumquat · 18/04/2015 20:56

Also does your dh really need to be in work till 10? Could he leave earlier to help with bedtime and then do a few hours from home if necessary? This is what dp has started doing and that extra pair of hands at bedtime makes such a difference. (And I've only got 1!)

StationeryOrdering · 18/04/2015 20:57

Mine are 8 & 11 and I've only enjoyed family life for the last year.

zoemaguire · 18/04/2015 20:57

You're absolutely right, spud, what a super helpful comment. Which one should op send to the orphanage, do you think?

I have 3 kids between 14mo and 7, and no dog, and I'm a wreck too. I do get time to myself, sometimes, but it isn't enough. I think it will get better though. The older two are easy peasy really, its the combination with the toddler that is the killer. I think it is a question of hanging in there in the meantime. And good god, stop ironing woman! Who cares if the kids look a bit crumpled:)

MagentaOeuflon · 18/04/2015 20:58

If the dog is caringly rehomed, it will be a happier dog. My friend rehomed her dog when she had her second child and good for her. She knew she couldn't cope and the dog would be neglected. She found a really good home for it and went to help it settle in. I can't see a problem with that.

Quiero · 18/04/2015 21:00

I think by choosing to have 4 children and having pets you kind of have to suck it up a bit. I have 2 children and no pets and I find it relentless. Hence why I won't have any more children or get any pets.

Fuck the ironing, just do the essentials. Try and make meals that last two nights to give yourself a break. Can the 2 year old go into childcare so you could have a bit of time to yourself?

Take a days leave from work but don't tell anyone and do whatever you want. I do that now and again and it feels great.

toddlerwrangling · 18/04/2015 21:03

Crikey I only have one (work full time as well though & no family support) - and I feel like this - four plus dogs sounds bloody hard work to me! It sounds like you are doing fantastically well, actually - and of course you're going to feel like this at times.

Cut some corners for a bit - even if you think you can't, there's always more that you can put on hold.

See GP for blood tests, too.

I'm ground down by trying to juggle everything and never seem to get on top of things. I have a hunch that if I could simplify my life a bit - particularly decluttering a lot - that would help. But kids and family life need a lot of stuff. Can you do a big declutter, maybe turn it into a family event for the older kids? Streamline your house tasks while you're at it to overhaul your lifestyle? (As others have said, get older kids to help with laundry tasks and stop ironing! I iron about 3 things a year! I don't care if me or DD is crumply! Grin)

Then fill the house with some plants/flowers (just cheap bulbs or similar) to brighten things up?

Courage OP - it will soon be summer and everything seems better in the summer Flowers Wine

TheNoodlesIncident · 18/04/2015 21:03

Getting out with the dogs is valuable fresh air and exercise. I wouldn't want to give that up tbh.