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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be f*ed off at my husband for buying GTA5?

216 replies

Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 19:56

Yes, yes, I know he is an adult, and I am not his mother, etc.

I also told my nearly 18 year old son that he would never be allowed to play violent and misogynistic games like that in my home.

And now his father has bought it, and I am not pleased. But he, obviously, thinks I am being stupid.

Am I?

OP posts:
Merse · 15/04/2015 09:47

Oakmaiden - wish there was a 'you have my sympathy' emoticon, but this is as close as it gets Flowers.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 15/04/2015 09:48

Buchoffives and Jux - thank you for your comments. I am going to do some thinking today. Our marriage does need some work, I think - and circumstances recently have made us very much ships that pass in the night. I think that makes it easier for things to fester.

But we are both reasonably sensible, reasonably caring people, and can work it out I'm sure.

OP posts:
CaitSith · 15/04/2015 09:51

Sounds like you're starting to work out your actual problem and thinking of solutions OP, that's great.

I'm completely with you on the not spending every spare moment playing, and I say that as a gamer of 25 years. I used to do that some days pre DC, but I never play games while the children are around now, even "suitable" ones, and make sure I still have quality time with DH (even though this cuts my gaming time down to about 2 hours a week)

IMO the goalposts move massively when you have a family, and rightly so. Sounds like a discussion with your DH is in order to make sure he realises this too. Hope you can work things out

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 09:54

it's the kids that makes "what do other couples do" much harder these days. We used to go out for walks in the evening to get away from the devices and have a proper conversation (to be honest it was me that would always have a laptop open with half my attention on the conversation) so we'd go for an hour outside. Not an option any more with the kids asleep.

Tends to be a DVD / box set these days, on true detective at the moment, but done most of the "quality" series. Seems a contradiction to spend time together in silence watching a screen but we tend to spend as long afterwards talking about it as we spent watching it.

Summers coming as well so you'll be able to potter around in the garden of an evening.

Board games not a bad call. Maybe even computer games together.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 09:56

Sound like a grandparent before my time here, but jigsaws are good too!

Your attention is captured by doing them but you have a lot of chit chat as you go!

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 15/04/2015 10:02

We used to play Neverwinter Nights on co-op. I loved that.

I even joined his Battlefield 1942 clan, and played matches with them. Although he refused to even pretend to enjoy my hobby (hill walking) so I got bored of joining in his. But this was all years and years ago now.

We have been talking about having a go at Divinity: Original Sin as a coop game, but we would have to buy 2 copies, which makes it very expensive :(

But yes, postingbot - I do recognise what you are saying about being effectively tied to the house by the children - we did used to go for walks, and we used to spend most days off going to places like castles and stone circles. Which the children find dull, so we tend not to now. They are getting older now, though - youngest is 10 - so not too very long before we can leave them on their own for a couple of hours in the evening.

OP posts:
BoulevardOfBrokenSleep · 15/04/2015 10:02

oakmaiden I think you have showed amazing grace and humour on this thread, considering that every 5 mins someone jumps in to say 'YABU to ban GTA' without RTFT Grin

I do think your husband's actions speak of a lack of respect for you (and your opinions), though, and that he is taking you for granted.

Like caitSith I also love gaming but have had to cut way back on time spent because of kids and the need to spend time with DH.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 15/04/2015 10:03

I love jigsaws! I do them with my youngest child, who is a fan too. Not sure dh would be into it though!

OP posts:
Jux · 15/04/2015 10:04

I love the idea of a games evening; I'd choose Dungeons and Dragons! I play computer games and so does dd. DH is not a gamer in any way shape or form, except for backgammon. He won't even play cards, which is one of the most family bonding things I've ever experienced Sad

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 15/04/2015 10:06

Big D&D fan here too, Jux. In fact, dh and I met through D&D, and we played with the same group of people every week from before we were married until we moved to Wales.

And now we don't have that any more either. And it is not so easy to find a group of like minded people to play with when you are an adult.

OP posts:
Esssss · 15/04/2015 10:08

My dh bought GTa5 just after we had our ds. He said it was to play when he was "up with the baby at night". I can count on the fingers of one hand how many times he was up at night with the baby. Needless to say he doesn't get to play it much! It doesn't bother me if he plays it tbh. I think it's a slightly ridiculous game but then it's not my thing. So I think yab a little u

JustGiveUpGatekeeper · 15/04/2015 10:18

The worst thing I've seen on GTA is the optional ability to go and perve at bikini clad women in a playboy mansion or to sit in a car with a prostitute whilst the character makes silly noises simulating sex. The prostitutes are very assertive and tell their customer to take a hike once they've got their money ??

You can shoot or duff up anyone you like of either gender, run them over and such, blow up places, crash air craft (and not into tower blocks..)

There are no children in the game whatsoever, not even any schools. America has it's standards.

As someone else said, it is satire, and is also a beautifully crafted experience. The car chases and duffing up doesn't appeal to me, I usually head to the beach or the mountains for a picturesque stroll.

Yes, it is violent and misogynistic (see above), but that is real life. Female characters are equally able to assert and empower themselves to exactly the same ability as the male characters, however.

bunchoffives · 15/04/2015 10:27

I usually head to the beach or the mountains for a picturesque stroll. God that sounds truly sad JustGiveUp

Have you ever considered going out and having a picturesque stroll in real life at all?

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 10:28

We've ended up doing some colossal 4000+ piece ones (you need a room that won't be invaded by the kids) which might appeal to the same blokey character traits of "completing a challenge" that make computer games appealing. Not sure id have been into a 500 piece country cottage puzzle, but a 2500 Las Vegas strip one caught my attention

(I know they are appealing to both sexes, I just remember reading something that blokes are mainly motivated by the completion of these things, which without going all carry-on film shouldn't surprise anyone on here!)

PrincessUnicorn · 15/04/2015 10:29

YABU.

Its just a game :)

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 10:30

Fives, I'm pretty sure we'd all like to be out having a picturesque stroll in real life.

Not really an option though at 9pm with the kids asleep upstairs which is the issue we are trying to deal with here!

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 15/04/2015 10:31

We are doing a Nat Geographic Chitchn Itza one at the moment.

Although Boy knocked one of the pieces off the table and it fell in between two floorboards and is now lurking in a cavity under the floor.

OP posts:
SistersofPercy · 15/04/2015 10:32

*God that sounds truly sad JustGiveUp

Have you ever considered going out and having a picturesque stroll in real life at all?*

Have you ever considered that when someone comes home from work, cooks a meal, puts the kids to bed and finally flops on the sofa it's
A) Too late for a picturesque stroll
and
B) You're too knackered.

Or alternatively, she could actually stroll as well as playing the game? You can do both you know.

FishCanFly · 15/04/2015 10:33

I think YABU. This is really bad taste game, but really i think all the fuss about it is a part of making it popular. Would you be so mad if he bought some shitty video nasty dvd?

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 15/04/2015 10:34

Chichen itza. Obviously

OP posts:
JCDenton · 15/04/2015 10:38

Whoever said that GTA isn't the real problem is very astute, you clearly need to find something to do together. We love food, travel and seeing friends but ofc, these things are much harder with kids, so I don't have an easy answer. One thing that helps us is while I generally don't enjoy what DP watches on TV or much TV in general, rather than playing games, I do something where I'm 'present' so to speak, like reading or language learning on my phone. There are also a few YouTube series we like to watch together.

Also I really don't think it's the OP that's causing most of the backlash, I thought YWBU, sure, though I can see the reasons behind it more now there's more detail about your home life. I think quite a few posters are riled up by the "games are for kids" posts and are just as keen to respond to them. Look at the third reply, If I was you I'd be pissed off at myself for being with a grown up who still plays games., that annoyed me more than anything you said.

And yes, as in my first reply, at least one person has said they'd ban it from the house Grin

SevTSnape · 15/04/2015 10:59

Have read the entire post, and I will admit, at first I was going to post a rant about how you were being unreasonable, but as I read more and more responses, I've realised it is part of a bigger a problem and this was the last straw I guess.

If your dh is not listening to you, I would tell him that your a couple, meaning you are equal, meaning you each should listen to and take on board each other's opinions. It means that there should be compromise on both sides on debates you can't agree on.

Fwiw I've played gta since I was 14, and have always enjoyed it. I used to spend countless hours with my mum, watching her play tomb raider on the playstation when I was about12. Now I'm with a guy who loves gaming as much as I do, so much so, we've got an Xbox each and a 40" TV each to play on. But I appreciate that that everyone has different opinions and hobbies so understand that this is not the norm.

Foreverlurking · 15/04/2015 11:01

Sorry, YABU. As long as the DC don't play it whats the problem? He's a grown up.

PrincessUnicorn · 15/04/2015 11:47

Me and DP play games together, we are a gaming couple, be it in video game, board, card game form.
Share the hobby :)

JacquesHammer · 15/04/2015 11:54

Except the developer is obviously someone who thought "Hey, wouldn't it be cool to put some prostitute in the game who you can fuck? And tell you what, then you can shoot her and steal your money back off her. Fab" Except, not fab

That isn't how games dev happens - GTA5 is a satire. It is sending up stereotypes of this type of lifestyle.

Flowers OP - you've been far more reasonable than many posters on here - hope things improve for you.

To the posters that have sneered at adult gamers. Check out the work Special Effects do - and check out what the adult gamer in Britain achieve, yeah?