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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be f*ed off at my husband for buying GTA5?

216 replies

Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 19:56

Yes, yes, I know he is an adult, and I am not his mother, etc.

I also told my nearly 18 year old son that he would never be allowed to play violent and misogynistic games like that in my home.

And now his father has bought it, and I am not pleased. But he, obviously, thinks I am being stupid.

Am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 22:15

CaitSith - did I say that? Where did I say that? I don't think it was what I meant to say...

But it is good to reassess. Because I tihkn one of the good things about AIBU is that sometimes as you post about something you find yourself getting clearer about what the problem really is - and sometimes it is not exactly what you thought it was to start with.

So what is it that has fucked me off.

Actually, 'I think it is that I thought that we were in unspoken agreement that it was a "not nice" game that wouldn't be coming into our house, by virtue of its not niceness. And then the game arrived, and my fairly mild query about why it was suddenly an OK game to play got brushed off as "It is just a sandbox game, and besides, you can get it on the PC now". So there are 3 things there, really.

  1. I thought my husband held a similar opinion to me, and I was wrong. And whilst it is not a "make or break" difference of opinion, I am a bit put out that it appears that either I don't know him as well as I thought, or he has changed his opinion on this type of thing.
  2. I have made me dislike for the morality behind the game known in the past. I had told my son that it was not appropriate game, and we would not be having it in our house. DH knew this and had never disagreed. This is irritating, because now dh has bought it it illustrates that nothing I say matters - go talk to dad.
  3. When I did voice a mild objection, I was brushed off. Again. Because my opinion doesn't matter, if it is counter what he thinks.

Add this to the general background of he spends all* his time either plugged in to his mp3 player or the headphones on his PC, playing games and swearing. And doesn't alter his playing style when the children are there. And interesting NEVER used to swear before he became involved in online gaming. Now the children complain they hear him at night when they are trying to sleep.

And yes, I am fucked off. Might not be reasonable. Might not be entirely about GTA, but has been triggered by it. But there we go.

*this may, possibly, be an exaggeration. But it feels like it is true.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:16

Do I get way with it because I'm early 30's?

DixieNormas · 14/04/2015 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 22:17

please excuse the many typos and grammatical errors. Apparently my proof reading skills on turn on after I press post.

OP posts:
CaitSith · 14/04/2015 22:18

Sounds more and more like this is what has brought the issue to a head, but the actual problem is the amount of time he spends gaming/his behaviour when he's gaming. Which absolutely is a valid complaint. Have you tried to have a conversation with him about it?

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:18

If you dont want him playing it too late. Unplugged the broadband.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 22:18

Dixie - never said he couldn't. Never said I would try to stop him. I was merely expressing my own feelings. Didn't say anyone had to do anything about them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 22:19

Tali - I do hope you are being ironic, there?

OP posts:
travertine · 14/04/2015 22:19

My girls love Gta. Both grown up with jobs and lovely people but really enjoy that game and take it just as that. I quite enjoy trying to parachute onto a truck actually. smack the pavement every time tho. Are there really households where massive discussions take place as to who is allowed what and what is acceptable and I won't stand for that in my house! Sounds like very hard work to me and quite dictatorial, over some minor quibbles but that's just my opinion of course.

BaconAndAvocado · 14/04/2015 22:20

Grin tali Yes, early 30s is a different ball game.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:20

I agree that you can play it too much. I think that is a discussion you need to have with him and agree to a time when he can play it without disturbing your DC's.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 14/04/2015 22:20

I don't like the killing of women, sex bits in gta, but I don't have to play that bit. It's optional.

Oh well that's ok then. Because it's presence in the game isn't a problem for you and some of you apparently don't understand the definition of misogyny we should all merrily permit it to exist.

Hmm
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:21

Also I have a PS4 Grin Not an Xbox, Bacon

travertine · 14/04/2015 22:21

Xpost oakmaiden.Smile

BaconAndAvocado · 14/04/2015 22:27

Is there a difference? tali

browneyedgirl86 · 14/04/2015 22:27

I agree Moomin. I personally enjoy gaming as due to a long term illness there are periods I'm not allowed to exercise so much as I want to go for a run I can't! Gaming allows me to unwind and relax, helps me forget the stress of a particularly crappy day and it isn't hurting anyone.

There are worst things out there than gaming!

browneyedgirl86 · 14/04/2015 22:29

Sweet and full of grace, there is no need to be so rude. I'm perfectly clear on the definition of misogyny thank you very much.

I just don't agree with your viewpoint.

WindMeUpAndLetMeGo · 14/04/2015 22:30

What do you do while he's gaming? DH is a gamer, I watch TV, read or Internet while he's playing, which is what I enjoy.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:30

PS4 is cheaper. Looks pretty too Bacon

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 14/04/2015 22:31

Apparently also struggling with the definition of rude then. I'm not clear how I was rude?

Merse · 14/04/2015 22:31

I am totally with you OP. Fortunately DH shares my view about COD, GTA etc. so it's not something I have had to confront.

To me it's not 'just a computer game'. It is about so much more and speaks volumes about someone's values/interests somehow. I would have a real problem with it and would probably start worrying that I might have misjudged my partner (as in - no one that I would be suited to would want that sort of stuff).

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 14/04/2015 22:32

Do the people bashing computer gaming realise how ridiculous they sound? Especially while doing so on Mumsnet of all places? In terms of the top four in the 'lameness hierarchy' of internet-based pursuits, I would say the general consensus of most internet users would be:

  1. Computer games
  1. Spending time chatting on a special interest forum
  1. Online dating
  1. Spending time chatting on Mumsnet

My personal hierarchy differs slightly - I think OD is the worst of the lot but then it's the only one I haven't personally tried (anyone getting an idea of why they might be so rude about computer games, yet?).

Whiskwarrior · 14/04/2015 22:33

On the topic of 'games being for youngsters', how does that fit with my 63 year old Mum then? She's a qualified teacher, with a degree in history, very well read on ancient civilisations and has a gaming laptop, a Wii and a DS.

I find the sneering against gamers on here to be really unpleasant. Threads like this always bring out the people who have no opinion other than 'gamingis immature'. I work in a school and in my 40s (with three kids). How is me playing games any worse than reading (which I also do lots of) or watching soaps (which I don't do)?

PS - Minecraft has been shown to be a fantastic tool for children on the autism scale, as evidenced in my workplace. But fuck that, let's make them all do sport instead, even those who hate sport. Because God forbid people enjoy different things (hmm)

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:33

Merse Just because someone likes those games, doesnt mean they are some weird immoral sociopath. I've played GTA series since GTA3 came out. I'm not even remotely violent.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:35

I also write fanfiction about two of the games series I have played.

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