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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be f*ed off at my husband for buying GTA5?

216 replies

Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 19:56

Yes, yes, I know he is an adult, and I am not his mother, etc.

I also told my nearly 18 year old son that he would never be allowed to play violent and misogynistic games like that in my home.

And now his father has bought it, and I am not pleased. But he, obviously, thinks I am being stupid.

Am I?

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 21:46

Oh, I found soap operas hideously boring and a waste of time. But that's my opinion and I wouldnt tell anyone they were odd/stupid for watching them nor would I ban them in my house.

Ragwort · 14/04/2015 21:48

It may be that I have issues with the amount of computer gaming that goes on in this house, and the focus that goes into it, anyway.

I can see your point, if someone does something that you are not happy with - whether that be gaming/drinking/campaigning for UKIP/over eating/spending hours on the football pitch/volunteering or whatever - it does impact your life.

It would work exactly the other way if your DH was unhappy if you suddenly started spending hours at a book club or anything really.

As I said earlier, neither DH or I are into gaming at all, I cannot imagine having a relationship with someone who spends time gaming, just as lots of people probably find the sorts of things I do in my spare time utterly bizarre. Grin. I am not saying that people shouldn't have separate interests, but if those interests are totally 'alien' to your own interests - then, yes, I can see that it can cause issues. My DH and I have totally separate hobbies but we each respect the other's interests.

GraysAnalogy · 14/04/2015 21:49

oakmaiden do you read books with content like this, watch films?

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 21:49

Can you imagine for a moment the uproar that would ensue if someone posted "I bought a copy of 50 Shades of Grey but when my DH saw it he told me he wasn't having that filth under his roof, threw it in the bin and forbade me from reading it ever again"? The sound of pitchforks being sharpened would ring throughout the land.

Do you think there would be the same uproar if the DH said "I'm surprised you bought that. It is not a very nice book, is it, with the rather blatant emotional and sexual abuse of a young and emotionally vulnerable woman being glorified as an ideal erotic relationship?" To which the woman replied, "Don't be stupid, it is a lovely romance story".

Which is slightly more similar to what happened in our house.

But I haven't tried to "ban" anything. I am just fucked off. Partly because despite - I am CERTAIN - having himself express negative opinions on the game in the past, he has now bought it cos his online gaming pals all like it.

OP posts:
frikadela01 · 14/04/2015 21:51

If I was you I'd be pissed off at myself for being with a grown up who still plays games

It may interest you to know that most gamers are adults... myself and my partner have 2 tvs in the bedroom to game on together!

As to OP... YABU your DH can decide what game he wants to play... playing Gta doesn't make him a bad person.

Ragwort · 14/04/2015 21:51

teddy - it's not necessarily snobbish and judgemental to comment on gaming, lots of people have different hobbies and interests - loads of people sneer at my own hobby and passion - I can't even be bothered to mention it on this thread - I accept that, just as I accept that everyone has the right to their own hobby and interest. And I fully accept that lots of people wouldn't want to be friends with me if they don't like how I spend my leisure time. Smile

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 21:52

So, he's brought it to see what its like. He might think its a pile of shit and sell it on.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 21:52

Grays - I'm not sure. I do sometimes watch/read thrillers or crime stuff. I think for me the main difference is that in the films/books I enjoy the bad things are done by bad people who get their come-upence in the end.

Perhaps I am fairly shallow :)

OP posts:
YesILikeItToo · 14/04/2015 21:52

Oak, it was another poster who said they would literally throw it in the bin.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 21:55

I know, YEs, but the response to that and talking about banning it feel like they are getting muddled in with people disagreeing with me.

I have no problem with people disagreeing with me. Obviously I would PREFER it if you all told me I was right, but when does that ever happen on here? :) I just want to be clear that they are disagreeing with me for things I have said, not things other people have said.

OP posts:
BearsDontDigOnDancing · 14/04/2015 21:57

Ragwort Tue 14-Apr-15 21:33:55
I would find it really hard to love and cherish a man (or anyone over 18 for that matter) who bought and played computer games

But it is surely just another form of entertainment? Such as watching TV, reading a book etc...

I play computer games, read books, watch tv etc, depends what I am in the mood for in all honesty, it is all just forms of entertainment and relaxation to me.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 21:57

For example

"No one has the right to 'ban' their partner looking at something entirely legal.

YABU op."

I never mentioned banning anything. Just that I was fucked off about his decision. So it LOOKS like I am being disagreed with for something I never said.

I need to go and get a life, don't I?

OP posts:
BaconAndAvocado · 14/04/2015 21:57

What morethanpotatoprints said up thread.

The idea of DH playing any xbox/play station game is weird. He's a grown man. Go and play a sport.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 21:59

ps I like playing computer games too. Sometimes even 18's (as long as they have dragons and stuff...) SO I have no problem with gamers per se.

I possibly do have a problem with sitting across the room from my husband playing a game I dislike on principle (no matter how misguided I might be) laughing and chatting with his online friends all evening, and tutting if I speak to him and he has to move this headset in order to respond to me.

As I say - I may have issues.

OP posts:
CaitSith · 14/04/2015 22:00

So you're not fucked off about him having bought the game as such, you're fucked off that he doesn't hold the same opinion as you and, as grown person, has acted autonomously according to his own thoughts and desires and bought something completely legal that I presume he could afford and will bring him pleasure.

I'm sorry, I'm really struggling to see the problem here. It seems to boil down to you being cross that he doesn't share your (misguided) moral outrage, when he's perfectly entitled to hold opinions of his own, which are no less valid for the fact that they don't mesh with yours.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:00

Bacon

Does that make gamers immature then if we own a games console?

TheBoov · 14/04/2015 22:00

We play all the computer games in the house. Love them. They're great.

Would not be happy with GTA coming into the house. And I have every right, as an adult in this house, to have a say on anything questionable coming into my home. In this house we discuss and agree things. We don't operate on the "I fancy that so I'm having it".

My DH wouldn't buy it, fortunately. We've discussed it, and COD, and he's generally in charge of the internet filter and games. Our kids are 11 and 8 and it's completely inappropriate for them. We've discussed why we filter with them, and regular revisit 'appropriateness' with them as they develop. We are clear that we can't prevent them from seeing stuff but it's our job to educate them about choices they have to make. So that's what we do.

There's no snobbery involved, just a sensible discussion about what's appropriate for small children.

letscookbreakfast · 14/04/2015 22:02

People of all ages play video games, there is no longer a stereotype game player.

I don't get the pretentious game bashing on here.

LucilleBluth · 14/04/2015 22:02

I'm wondering how old the DHs are who don't play games. My DH is 40 and is of the first generation to grow up gaming. He has a professional job but still plays games on the PC and PS4, why wouldn't he, he loves to tell our DSs about old gaming systems.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:04

Lucille I still have fond memories of my first console which happened to be a Sega Megadrive. I'm 32 btw.

Ragwort · 14/04/2015 22:04

Bears - but to someone who has never, ever had any inclination to play a computer game/use an X Box/Playstation/Youtube ..... then a computer game is a totally alien thing to me. I realise I probably sound incredibly old fashioned but that's the way I am and it is completely out of my 'norm' to see adults playing computer games as a form of entertainment or relaxation.

Yes - agree Bacon Grin. Join a sports club if you want entertainment or relaxation !

Ragwort · 14/04/2015 22:06

Lucille - perhaps that explains it, DH and I are both well over 40 Grin.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:06

Yes - agree Bacon grin. Join a sports club if you want entertainment or relaxation!

That could said then for any one who liked anything.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 14/04/2015 22:12

The idea of women talking on a chat forum is ridiculous. Go and play a sport.

Snobbery against video game players isn't even offensive, it's just sad Grin

BaconAndAvocado · 14/04/2015 22:14

tali IMO yes, I would find the idea of a 45 yo playing xbox games immature.

We leave that to the younglings.