to be f*ed off at my husband for buying GTA5?

[Oakmaiden]

Yes, yes, I know he is an adult, and I am not his mother, etc.

I also told my nearly 18 year old son that he would never be allowed to play violent and misogynistic games like that in my home.

And now his father has bought it, and I am not pleased. But he, obviously, thinks I am being stupid.

Am I?

God knows what you'd think if I was your DH then, I've bought it three times, the PC version being the latest.

He's an adult, he can do what he likes.

Yes you are.

There is no acting out rape scenes either. Dont know this rumour keeps being perpetuated.

He's not suddenly going to turn into a violent bank robber.

Do you get fucked off if he buys 18 rated films?

Sorry OakMaiden I just saw the update, your DH should not be playing it in front of a 10 year old! Yanbu for that. That would piss me off.

And as for the porn, I think that's a bigger issue than a game. I wouldn't be letting that lie (or his attitude!)

Don't get people being anti-porn, unless it's hardcore stuff.

I don't think YABU if you've made your views on the game clear.it will make it hard to stop your children playing it or similar as it will be one rule for Dad and one for them. If they weren't aware of it being in the house and DH only played it when they were absent that might have been tolerable. FWIW my husband is a gamer and would never play GTA games, he thinks they are nasty.

I agree with you OP. DH plays a lot of computer games and he knows how much I hate the violent misogynistic ones. I would throw GTA away if he bought it. And he would have no right to be upset about it because he knows that it's a bridge not to be crossed.

I make VERY few requests of him (and him of me) and this is one of those requests, that he not play games that make me uncomfortable. It's not like it's the only game in the world, I'm hardly starving him of entertainment or forcing him into a life of tedium.

GTA5 isnt misogynistic.

There aren't that many games of a similar quality, and it is very very good. Obviously the OP has a particular parenting issue, but I think censoring your partner's video game choices is pretty much the same as censoring their reading material to be honest.

Tali (awesome name by the way), there is absolutely no point trying to explain to these people that GTA really isn't half a bad as they think it is. In fact, I bet most people who dislike the game so much (without a shred of actual evidence, only hearsay), have plenty of equally violent media in their film collections. Oh and there are plenty of 'naice' games to play? I'm pretty sure The Sims is a 12 rating, and you can lock characters in a room, watch them wet themselves and kill them off in awful manners. So don't think your precious kids are playing games that are appropriate for their age .

I think throwing away something belonging to someone else is very controlling. You may not like any of the games your partner buys but I don't think it gives you the right to throw it away.

If a man threw away something belonging to a woman she got enjoyment out of there would be an uproar.

I play computer games. There are games I have played that have made me flinch or think it's too gory/violent but they aren't grand theft auto. Just because I think that way does not give me the right to tell my partner he can't play it should he choose too.

And for what it's worth I don't like the killing of women, sex bits in gta, but I don't have to play that bit. It's optional. It would never ever cross my mind to throw a game out of DPs because it made me uncomfortable.

He got a game tosday, some fighting game or other, little too violent for my tastes but I can't say I think its ok to throw it out because I don't like it. I'm not his mother, we are adults and I can't police his purchases!

Itsnot Thanks I see your point. Watching people foam at the mouth about something they probably even scene played, is rather weird.

Um - just to be clear, I never said I would throw away anything.

I did say that I have no power to make or ban him from doing anything.

Just that his choice in this matter had fucked me off.

Will I be drummed out if I admit I have a friend who worked on GTA5?

YABTotallyU trying to control what your husband plays.

YANBU to request he doesn't play it in front of children who are too young to play it.

I still don't see the issue though with your 10 year old knowing it is in the house - I have plenty of books, CDs, DVDs etc my 8 year old isn't allowed to touch. She knows that because I explain they're for grown ups only - she also knows that there are some things it isn't ok for children to look at. And she accepts that because, you know, I'm her parent and I make the rules around here

YABU... as you said he is an adult and can play whatever computer games he feels like. Do you try to stop him watching the TV or reading the books he wants to read as well?

Becoming hypothetical for a moment - do we ever have a right to influence something our partners do? Or do we have to be happy and unconcerned about every choice they make, because after all, we don't own them, and it is their life, etc etc?

I really am just drifting into the realms of what if, now, by the way.

I play GTAV and Battlefield (COD is a bit pants tbh) I don't know what I would think if DP said he didn't want me to play them.

Becoming hypothetical for a moment - do we ever have a right to influence something our partners do? Or do we have to be happy and unconcerned about every choice they make, because after all, we don't own them, and it is their life, etc etc?

If it is something major then yes, of course you do. Can't think of an example e.g. he has seven pints then wants to drive - of course you have a right to influence him to not.

But something as innocuous as him choosing to play a computer game? No I don't think we have the right to censor that, nor do I think our partners have the right to censor us

I would find it really hard to love and cherish a man (or anyone over 18 for that matter) who bought and played computer games but then my DH has never, ever played a computer game in his life - he tried to with our teenage DS but found it so mind numbingly boring that he couldn't finish the game.

So it would be totally out of character if he suddenly bought GTA - but you have to decide for yourself what is 'acceptable' in a relationship - my DH frequently goes out drinking with mates or for a week's skiing holiday on his own or with friends and some people would find that totally unacceptable whereas to me it's just a normal part of our relationship.

Oak, I think the only 'right to influence' or even 'demand' of our partners, is when they are wanting to make a choice that will cause harm to either themselves or to those around them. Playing a video game does not cause harm, spending the family's last few pounds on a video game does. My partner plays games I don't like (not morally, just very boring). It's his choice, it has no negative impact on my life .

YABU.

Also - as it happens I wasn't even aware of the "rape scene" issue, so that never was my beef. I was aware of the having sex with prostitutes and then killing them issue though. Which I am aware is not part of the game you HAVE to enact - but I also feel that it IS fairly misogynistic.

I also understand that there is a fairly graphic torture scene, for which the more brutal you are the higher the points you score.

And no, I haven't played the game. So my views are based on hearsay. But then - I'm not likely to want to play a game which has been described in terms I find fairly distasteful. Just as I am not likely to go to watch a film which I have been told contains things I am likely to find disturbing. And the only thing anyone has said to counter the information I have heard elsewhere is "you don't HAVE to do that bit".

Nor do you have to buy the game.

It may be that I have issues with the amount of computer gaming that goes on in this house, and the focus that goes into it, anyway.

No, as long as it's within the realms of the law you have no right to censor anything another adult chooses to read, view, play, etc. I'd say it's perfectly reasonable to ask that he doesn't play it in your presence, but I can't conceive of anyone thinking they have the right to ban another adult from participating in a perfectly legal and legitimate pastime.

Can you imagine for a moment the uproar that would ensue if someone posted "I bought a copy of 50 Shades of Grey but when my DH saw it he told me he wasn't having that filth under his roof, threw it in the bin and forbade me from reading it ever again"? The sound of pitchforks being sharpened would ring throughout the land.

Yes entirely agree CaitSith. No one has the right to 'ban' their partner looking at something entirely legal.

YABU op.

Some of the posts on this thread are shocking, I can only imagine the outrage there would be if a man came on here stating he would throw away a dvd/book etc his wife bought or he wouldn't let it in the house.

And don't get me started on the snobbery and judging that goes on over someone playing a game. It's pathetic. A lot of people would have the same views about adults talking to strangers on the internet.

I was aware of the having sex with prostitutes and then killing them issue though. Which I am aware is not part of the game you HAVE to enact - but I also feel that it IS fairly misogynistic.

Its not the game thats misogynistic, its the player thats misogynistic.