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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be f*ed off at my husband for buying GTA5?

216 replies

Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 19:56

Yes, yes, I know he is an adult, and I am not his mother, etc.

I also told my nearly 18 year old son that he would never be allowed to play violent and misogynistic games like that in my home.

And now his father has bought it, and I am not pleased. But he, obviously, thinks I am being stupid.

Am I?

OP posts:
browneyedgirl86 · 14/04/2015 22:38

Oh well that's ok then. Because it's presence in the game isn't a problem for you and some of you apparently don't understand the definition of misogyny we should all merrily permit it to exist.

Hmm

I feel that's rude. But this is isn't what the topic is about.

CapnMurica · 14/04/2015 22:39

YABU to be so fucked off. It is just a game, I assume you've watched lots of films/TV/played other games/read books which have not influenced your or his behaviour. As an adult, I think it's really no worse than, for example, reading American Psycho (which also is a bit of a satire and very misogynistic. I had nightmares after reading it).

HIBU if he really will play it when your son is around to see it.

I get your point about thinking he had the same viewpoint. But same as I am a Guardian reader and DH is a Daily Mail reader, I will put my point across, let him know why it displeases me and then delete the app let him get on with it.

Actually, thinking about it, I think the DM is worse as a influence on grown adults than a game.

kali110 · 14/04/2015 22:43

Only mn that i hear gta being villified Grin
Tbh op doesn't sound as if a lot of your issues are really about the game at all.
Your husband may have changed his opinion about the game, so what?is he not allowed to change his mind?
Why can't he play something he enjoys in his own home?
You may not like it but do couples have to like and agree on everything?
I haven't played the latest gta, but played others. Can't say i'm very good but always enjoyed it!

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 22:44

Whisk - I am a bit of a Minecraft fan. My best creation to date:

to be f*ed off at my husband for buying GTA5?
OP posts:
Nayville · 14/04/2015 22:45

Op if he's playing this game in front of a 10 yr old and swearing and keeping people up at night, that's a problem

My Dh has this game, we both find it amusing in a lot of ways, I dislike the violence though.

However it's Fifa that changes him. He used to shout and stamp and all sorts. Many rows later he has severely toned down his reactions to losing (lol)

I agree that saying no to something and then having him bring it into your house and be a temptation to the kids is undermining and you are right to be pissed off. Well, for the 10 yr olds sake not the 18 yr olds too much

He should at least play it discreetly imo

Merse · 14/04/2015 22:49

Talizorah - of course not everyone playing those games is violent or a sociopath. I didn't suggest that was the case. However, we are all entitled to our own opinions and the OP is clearly worried that she and her partner are miles apart on this issue which is important to her. As it would be to me. We all have things that we feel particularly strongly about. Misogynistic games like the ones mentioned here are one of those for me - and sounds like they are for OP. She is entitled to her opinion as am I. She is not suggesting that the games should be outlawed or anything of that sort. She is merely saying that she thought she knew her partner better and is shocked and disappointed by this turn of events.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 14/04/2015 22:51

Ooh I like that Oak

I made these today :)

to be f*ed off at my husband for buying GTA5?
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 22:53

Merse We are also entitled to enjoy what we like and trying things out without someone implying we are immature or being fucked off that we have changed our minds about something. More so when the objections are misguided ones.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 23:05

It is a wizard's tower. Obviously. The roof was really tricky - I made it on Survival mode, and had to complete the point on the tower from the outside, before plummeting to my death.

Yours are cute, too :)

My children taught me to play minecraft because I had a Y6 boy who was obsessed, but also completely disengaged from learning. Voila - Minecraft maths.

Tali - I'm not sure how much of your last statement was aimed at me. ut I did not say anyone was immature, and no-one has said anything to make me believe my objections are misguided. As for it being unreasonable to feel fucked off about someone changing their mind on a matter of principle - if you were, for example, a vegetarian household, and beleiveed that everyone in your household had firmly held beliefs on the matter. And that mattered to you, because you would not like people to bring meat products into your house. And then your husband one day, with no warning, bought and cooked himself a pack of bacon, would you not feel a bit fucked off? Not a great analogy, I suppose, but similar.

I do think that sometimes you have an idea of what someone is, and what they believe, and what they think about certain matters. Finding out you were wrong does make a difference.

Gah, I am probably making no sense. Shall we make a petition to MNHQ for a Minecraft server of our very own?

OP posts:
JCDenton · 14/04/2015 23:08

YABU. My DP can read, watch, play, listen to what she likes, she's a grown woman FFS. Just because you consume a piece of media doesn't mean you wholeheartedly swallow it all. I note that the "AIBU to ban GTA?" threads are often nestled among the Game of Thrones threads, something I find a bit close to the edge but would I hell stop DP from watching it if she fancied. Would you burn my copy of American Psycho?

Also one of my pet hates is people who shit on other people's hobbies, as always happens in gaming threads. There a million things I don't like but I don't go around saying how terrible the people who enjoy them are, because they aren't, they just like other things.
Incidentally, both my wonderful, intelligent parents play games in their 60s so it makes the sneerers look even more bitter.

silveroldie2 · 14/04/2015 23:11

I guess there's no hope for me then, I'm in my late 60s, play World of Warcraft and have friends on it ranging from 21 to 75.

As for the OP, as long as your DH doesn't play it in front of your 10 year old, surely he's an adult and can make his own choices.

JCDenton · 14/04/2015 23:13

It's actually particularly pertinent to gaming, nobody plays GTA for the plot and many fans don't enjoy that part of it at all, it was roundly pilloried in GTA4, despite its wild popularity. It's more the sandbox element and online play.

Nayville · 14/04/2015 23:14

JC my Dh really enjoys the plots lol

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 23:15

Take the Assassins Creed series, I love the history behind it and the story, the swordplay.

Dragon Age and Mass Effect are my favorite series. Mainly because you get to play as awesome boss woman.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 23:16

*Not the swordplay.

Nayville · 14/04/2015 23:17

Also I had to give away my copy of American Psycho, it made me feel ill

JCDenton · 14/04/2015 23:17

JC my Dh really enjoys the plots lol

Well, I suppose The Ballad of Gay Tony was pretty good...

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/04/2015 23:18

Ballad of Gay Tony was funny...

Nayville · 14/04/2015 23:20

Oh i'll have to ask him about that !

Whiskwarrior · 14/04/2015 23:22

Love the Minecraft creations! Very creative - yes, gaming snobs, ^creative'. Wonderful for people (like my son and others who can see it in their head but can't put it on paper). A fantastic way for them to express their creativity.

I'm a Zelda nut myself but can only play with a guide. I love to play but I suck!

Merse · 14/04/2015 23:24

Oakmaiden I suspect some/most of that rant from Tali was aimed at me. You make your point clearly and sensibly, but I suspect trying to explain why you feel the way you do is pointless in this case. As you can see from the posts on the thread, people generally fall into one camp or the other and there aren't many on the fence.

Some - like me - have a massive issue with misogynistic and sexist portrayals of women in the media and society more broadly. It being 'just a game' almost makes it worse (what sort of person wants to 'pretend' to live in a world where women are prostitutes, people are getting beaten up, taking drugs, stealing things and going to strip clubs, for instance?!).

Others think it's fine.

I suspect it is rare that the two types will get on. Chalk and cheese.

You have my every sympathy, OP; I would be fuming and fretting too.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 23:27

Ahem - I liked Assassin's Creed. Because it is BEAUTIFUL. And I know, you kill people in that too. It isn't the killing people that bothers me, as such... I think it is the attitude.

And, I keep saying this - but I never said "AIBU to ban...". I acknowledged right from the very start I have no right to "ban" anything as far as my husband is concerned. I said "AIBU to be fed off." And I am slightly less fucked off now than when I began. And the Foffness that remains is mostly for different reasons.

Such as people misquoting and misrepresenting my words...

OP posts:
SistersofPercy · 14/04/2015 23:30

I do rather love the "wouldn't have it in my house" posts. Round these parts its our house and if dh, a grown adult male wants to bring a game into our house then I'm certainly not going to lay down the law because he has as much right in our house as I do.

Original poster
Oakmaiden · 14/04/2015 23:35

a massive issue with misogynistic and sexist portrayals of women in the media and society more broadly. It being 'just a game' almost makes it worse

I have to agree with this. I think it does make it worse. Particularly because it is gratuitous. If you "don't have to do that part of it" why have it in the game at all? Except the developer is obviously someone who thought "Hey, wouldn't it be cool to put some prostitute in the game who you can fuck? And tell you what, then you can shoot her and steal your money back off her. Fab" Except, not fab.

And maybe I am tarring an otherwise perfectly acceptable game, simply because the development team are infantile dicks. (self edited, there!) But I find it hard to look past it. For what it is worth, I disliked Serious Sam because of the portrayal of women in that too.

And I know Assassins Creed has a vast majority of the women cast as "Courtesans" - but that is somehow different because they are depicted as strong and useful characters, not characters who exist purely for men's gratification.

OP posts:
ouryve · 14/04/2015 23:37

DH would get one of my Disapproving Looks.

He's thick skinned enough to survive one.