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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that expectations of me at work are different because I'm child-free?

232 replies

Lavenderice · 13/04/2015 12:09

So I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me. I am increasingly asked to do tasks which are other peoples responsibility because they need to happen first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon and other people need to school-runs or have childcare issues. This morning I had to leave 90 minutes earlier than usual to do something for somebody else because she had to take her child to school. A few weeks ago I had a similar journey because the person was heavily pregnant and "just couldn't do it". We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents.

For the record I don't mind helping out as we are an industry which naturally attracts women of child baring age and I appreciate it's difficult, but lately it seems more of an expectation than a favour.

OP posts:
viva100 · 13/04/2015 12:24

Hmm. I do favours/cover for people at work all the time. Sometimes bc they have a childcare issue and sometimes for other reasons. But I also get favours back (no kids here). I do find that in the workplace people/bosses/colleagues will always want more of you and it's your job to say no. You need to stand up for yourself. What would have happened if you had said you can't make the 90 mins journey either?

Sheitgeist · 13/04/2015 12:25

YANBU. They should politely request, not expect.

Is it possible to say "Sorry, I can't on that day" ? Or at least say "I'll check if I'm free" before doing something.

Sounds like flexi time is suiting everyone but you - your time is bending to meet their needs.

Nolim · 13/04/2015 12:25

Have you raised the issue with your manager?

Original poster
Lavenderice · 13/04/2015 12:27

It's not really possible to say I can't do it or I'll check because our diaries are electronic and open to the whole team and managers.

OP posts:
Sheitgeist · 13/04/2015 12:34

It's not really possible to say I can't do it or I'll check

But it seems it's possible for your colleagues! The 90 minutes earlier in the morning thing... wasn't that was something you could have said something about? And isn't the point of flex that you can use it when YOU like?

I feel for you, OP, it must be an annoying situation.

Lottapianos · 13/04/2015 12:37

Their time is not more important than yours. I'm in a similar situation - no children, but most colleagues are parents. I don't mind helping out occasionally or being asked for a favour, but I would not be happy with it becoming an expectation.

I would recommend speaking to your line manager.

Original poster
Lavenderice · 13/04/2015 12:41

With the thing for this morning it was simply a question of my manager coming to me and saying "xxxxx can't I this because she needs to take her daughter to school, I've checked your diary and you're free"

OP posts:
NeedABumChange · 13/04/2015 12:42

Do you have an elderly relative or sick friend that you can use as an excuse I. The way everyone else is using their children as such? Sorry I promised Irene I'd take her to do the doctors... Etc.

NeedABumChange · 13/04/2015 12:43

But how do they know your diary is free? You could have promised a friend you were taking their children to work.

Iggly · 13/04/2015 12:44

Block your diary out....

NeedABumChange · 13/04/2015 12:45
  • school obviously not work!
bunchoffives · 13/04/2015 12:45

Pat on the back for you.

Grin and bear it and when you've got kids it'll be your turn to expect help from your colleagues, when their's will be older.

....kindness makes the world go round...

Musicaltheatremum · 13/04/2015 12:46

That's a bit much. You may have had something you wanted to do on your way into work. Fine if it's in the normal working hours but if you're leaving home earlier than usual it's not fair.
I have had kids and never wasn't able to do things because of the children. They are now grown up but I value my time as my own.
The odd favour is fine. But if it is happening frequently then it is not on.

lucycant · 13/04/2015 12:48

bunchoffives - And if she doesn't have kids?

Original poster
Lavenderice · 13/04/2015 12:49

Iggly It's near impossible to block my diary out because of the nature of the work we do means we are closely monitored. I've tried blocking time out for admin but that gets overlooked when there are other things that need doing.

Bunchoffives I won't be having any children.

OP posts:
Lottapianos · 13/04/2015 12:49

bunchoffives, OP said she's childfree

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2015 12:49

bunch I can't see anywhere that the OP has stated she plans on having kids of her own?

Stealthpolarbear · 13/04/2015 12:50

yanbu

whentheshithitsthefan · 13/04/2015 12:50

*Pat on the back for you.

Grin and bear it and when you've got kids it'll be your turn to expect help from your colleagues, when their's will be older.

....kindness makes the world go round...*

really?
how long should ok keep pulling the weight for the whole team? what if she doesn't want or cant have children?
what if by the time she has children the others in the team have moved on? or had more children?

i agree with the helping out idea, but it goes both ways and shouldn't be expected.

op i think you need to start saying no unless you really dont mind. because you will start to feel resentful and also the more you give the more others will take.

DixieNormas · 13/04/2015 12:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rangirl · 13/04/2015 12:51

I have never worked flexi so have no idea how it works Can you block out times in the diary say 2early mornings and two late afternoons a week so you can't be asked to cover ? Are you really doing other people's work Or are you just doing work When I was employed I took the view that during my working hours I had to do whatever I was asked So regularly covered for part time staff if asked to do some of 'their' work .Youcan only do one thing at a time It is all for the benefit of your employer

Lottapianos · 13/04/2015 12:51

That's a tough one - sounds like your manager is expecting you to drop everything to help out your colleagues too. Like you say, now and then its not a problem but not if its a regular thing.

I think I would ask for a sit down with my manager and agree some conditions around this

lunar1 · 13/04/2015 12:51

Start saying no. There needs to be some give and take from everybody. Before I had children I was once give 22 weekends in a row in the rota. I was young and worked the first 19 without comment. When I finally complained I was told it was because people with children needed the weekend off!

They should think about that before taking the job not expecting others to cover them all the time.

toffeeboffin · 13/04/2015 12:52

That's totally unfair. I agree with making up an excuse, sick friend etc, but you shouldn't have too.

Everyone chooses how they spend their free time, if its running the kids to school or going to a yoga class and a coffee, that's each person's choice. It's as if the time of someone who has kids is more important than someone who doesn't, and it's not.

I'd talk to your manager if I were you, if that doesn't work maybe find an excuse I. E. Irene is sick.

DixieNormas · 13/04/2015 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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