To be annoyed that expectations of me at work are different because I'm child-free?

[Lavenderice]

So I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me. I am increasingly asked to do tasks which are other peoples responsibility because they need to happen first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon and other people need to school-runs or have childcare issues. This morning I had to leave 90 minutes earlier than usual to do something for somebody else because she had to take her child to school. A few weeks ago I had a similar journey because the person was heavily pregnant and "just couldn't do it". We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents.

For the record I don't mind helping out as we are an industry which naturally attracts women of child baring age and I appreciate it's difficult, but lately it seems more of an expectation than a favour.

Floisme It happens to men with no children and indeed to men with children too. No worse in that case of course!

Fair enough Andrew, in that case I'm fucking annoyed for you too!

90 minutes out of your morning is a big ask. I was going to say cut them some slack but they are taking advantage of you.

I went off to work and left my two children at home alone for a morning once during the Easter holidays. i had various things sorted for them but not on this particular day (eldest just 12 recently) I know it's nothing to be proud of . I'd be roasted for that if this were my own thread.

Seriously though, you will get burnt out (and being in the area you are I would assume that this is a possibility anyway).

And no matter how nice or close a team you are people will start to take advantage, I've been there. . .

I was a Nurse in an acute unit and one of 3 without children and it became default that one of us would cover if anyone had issues, to the point our off duty would be changed without us been asked and on a few occasions without even been informed.

We all ended up leaving in a space of 3 months, then they realised how much slack we had been picking up.

IME the thing is they won't do it out of nastiness,or entitlement, or what ever you want to call it, it will just become the default, and when you do say No because of whatever you'll be the bad guy, you'll be the one expected to change your plans....I speak from bitter experience.

Start setting small limits now or it will become a really big issue

I agree with floisme and Andrew. .. its the assumption by some (not all) that as a childless person my free time is worth less than someone with children.

Prior to having children I used to get annoyed when parents had first pick of annual leave as they needed to factor in school holidays. I think I'd still find that unreasonable now I have a child. I was always grateful when colleagues covered for me when I was pregnant - after my manager had done my risk assessment there were certain things I just wasn't physically capable of once I'd got bigger - I always offered a fair swap for another task.

Talk to your manager, see if you can get it at least acknowledged - then call in the favours when you need to. These things usually even themselves out.

Joan ive maybe missed a post but how does your childcare fit in to the thread

um, sorry, I just meant that I didn't ring in sick and leave it all to my colleagues. I wasn't looking for a medal or anything.

This works the other way for me. They assume as I have a child I have no life (fairly correct), so the singles (people with actual lives I guess) leave on time with 'email/text Witch, she's at home and will log-on and do it'! [mug emotion]

stealth you're not normally rude! or policing what people can share on a thread wonders if you are mistaking me for another poster

o I'm genuinely confused, not policing at all. just wondered if you were a social worker as well or something,..I think
just didn't see the link, still don't but probably me. my brains not fully functioning.

frikadela YY to this.

I was empathising with the OP, pointing out that despite having children, it is possible to prioritise work and to be mindful of not taking advantage of your colleagues goodwill. (Obviously my admission leaves me open to accusations of being a conscientious employee but a poor parent).

I'll get my coat and fuck off now.

look it really was a genuine question, no aggression meant. apologies if that' s how it came across. please don't take offence.

and fwiw now I think I get it and I agree

These are hours that you get back that you can do. Unless I have missed something I don't see the problem.

I don't think stealth was attacking, she was trying to clarify what you meant

So if I have to go to work early at short notice do I just tell my dc to walk to their infant school? I think it's fair enough to ask people without dependants to do those shifts that are awkward for those with - by that I mean anyone caring for another whether it's an adult or a child. That doesn't mean you can't say no. Before dc I was totally flexible. Since 3dc it's much harder to be as flexible. I don't have childcare I can just magic up and although my parents will help they live over an hour and a half away and can't fit all dc in their car with car seats.
Holiday time is a bit of an annoyance as fil can't take school holidays off as he doesn't have school age dc, however mil is a teacher so basically they can't get away for a holiday ever. Clearly that is wrong and managers need to listen to all staff needs regardless of dc. Doesn't mean they shouldn't ask you though... enjoy your term time holiday prices - it's swings and roundabouts.

I'm not in that sector but when similar used to happen to me I kept log of every time I worked extra to help and then the next time I was asked to work late/cover I would reply 'i covered on x date and haven't had my hours back yet so it's not my turn-but while your here could I put in a request to take my hours back on y date? Thanks'.

Took a while and put a few noses out of joint but people soon stopped taking the piss.

You know what, I was happy to put in the extra pre DC, and now I have them, I have scaled back (tbf I ALWAYS get my own work done and do stuff for others too once they're older, I'll be able to put the extra in again.

It all works out in the end.

I think it's fair enough to ask and good to do favours for each other. It's when people don't return the favour - and trust me, they often don't - that's when it causes resentment.

Enjoy your term time prices?????? What has that got to,do with anything?

So if I have to go to work early at short notice do I just tell my dc to walk to their infant school?

No - you make other arrangements so your childless colleagues don't have to constantly work shifts they might not want to work either

I think it's fair enough to ask people without dependants to do those shifts that are awkward for those with

and the OP says "We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents."

So, NO it is NOT fair enough. If your personal life means that you cannot meet your work commitments (emergencies aside) then you do not take a job that states it is a requirement.

Sorry motherofdragons but why should I as a childless person have to take the "awkward" shifts all the time.in order to accommodate your choice to have children ???
Fwiw I'm not anti child and will one day have my own... However I will do so with the knowledge that to carry on in my career I will have to make certain sacrifices, not rely on the the assumed flexibility of my childless coworkers. Most people myself inclued are flexible at work however it's the assumption that we will do it that pisses me off.