To be annoyed that expectations of me at work are different because I'm child-free?

[Lavenderice]

So I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me. I am increasingly asked to do tasks which are other peoples responsibility because they need to happen first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon and other people need to school-runs or have childcare issues. This morning I had to leave 90 minutes earlier than usual to do something for somebody else because she had to take her child to school. A few weeks ago I had a similar journey because the person was heavily pregnant and "just couldn't do it". We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents.

For the record I don't mind helping out as we are an industry which naturally attracts women of child baring age and I appreciate it's difficult, but lately it seems more of an expectation than a favour.

Of course it's not easy for parents with young children. But they can reciprocate. When I was in that situation, I was always buying chocolates for people who helped me out or offering to cover any unpopular slots that I could manage e.g. Friday afternoons.

It was the assumption that I had nothing better to do (before I became a parent) that used to seriously piss me off.

I have been in a similar work situation to the OP, I dont mind helping out or doing favours for work colleagues with kids but when it becomes expected or normalized behavior it can grate. I think what annoyed me most was the assumption that as non-parent I was somehow at loose end or had nothing better to do but to work late or come into the office early. Best to make out you have a very busy schedule outside of work (real or imagined), people generally find it harder to take advantage when they know it means you not attending other commitments.

Hi OP can you make sure this gets done by close of business today as I have to go and collect sprog at 4.30pm

Sorry, I have a spin class/photography/French/sisters birthday dinner/off to the cinema at 5pm

There are expectations that you will be working extra hours when needed and wherever possible

Given your job I see what you mean, but this doesn't seem to matter too much to the colleagues with children, does it?

Thing is there will always be targets, budget issues and emergency cases to deal with, but that doesn't mean they can just go on piling the whole lot onto you time after time. Too much of public service relies on the staff's obligation/guilt and as you've realised it's time to say no

I'd also be very careful about expectations around a promotion; the fact you've done this may help your application, but might there be even more expectation for you to step in, within a more senior role?

Floisme Yes, that assumption is very annoying! Also the assumption that even if I do have nothing better to do than sit aroud in my PJs eating ice cream, that this 'free' time could be filled by work. No, sitting around in PJs is a very important task for me, thank you

I don't think the op should have to make up excuses. 'Sorry but I can't' should be enough.

I worked in sw too lavender rice, it's not your responbility to pick up the slack for everyone, do they do have a rota or on call system?

Also maybe it is time to get some outside work interests and make time for them, instead of coming in exhausted and falling asleep fully-clothed and dribbling on the sofa!

Other people's child care is not your responsibility

You will burn out lavender...I used to go home on a Friday night and be unable to even have a conversation

I've been in the same situation. It was particularly upsetting as we were TTC and it took ages, so felt like a double kick in the teeth every time there was a "would you mind...because we're all picking up our DC." In the end I just started saying no - no explanation required. It made me unpopular but you work for money, not popularity.

Have you raised it in supervision?

Christina Supervision? What's that?

That's unfair, and it's not always easy to say no, especially as they're asking through your boss. I'm paranoid that my colleagues will think that I use my DC as an excuse, and always go out of my way to make sure that I don't.

Was thinking that, sounds like your manager is lazy. The easy option it to give it to you rather than deal with other staffing problems

Bunchoffives and other posters bemoaning child unfriendly workplaces and saying the OP should just be unstintingly "kind and generous" and give her time to make sure other people's "quality of life" benefits.

It's not up to the OP to counteract a work culture of long hours and lack of flexibility in work places. That's up to the government and her employer. They can't just pile everything onto one person and expect her to cope with it.

It especially is not up to her to try to plug the gaps in a hugely overstretched sector of social work. It is a very important area and one under a lot of scrutiny at times. People who are over stretched and over worked make mistakes, and when they are dealing with vulnerable children, that can have huge consequences. The extra work needs to be spread out more fairly, not just to be fair to the OP, but to give as safe and quality a service to the clients as possible.

OP it sounds like your team/manager and looking for not for a colleague, but for Jesus- and watch out because then they'll crucify you!

It's tough one. I work pt because I have children and no dh around during the week so I fly solo. But I have the kind of job where things can wait, tbh I couldn't imagine being a nurse, mw, social worker, teacher because u need to be there.

There's no easy answer to your problem with your job style however I would be saving the flexi u are accruing to have a lovely day off so your work team can cover u for a change. In your place I would struggle to say no since you know the impact it would have if someone wasn't available.

I would hang tough until u get promotion out of the way and see what happens then.

I wouldn't say a thing until the promotion process has been gone through and then I would present HR/management with a record of all the extra hours, unsocial hours and extra flexible times you have had to be accommodating OP. I would state why you have had to do them and the personal cost it has meant to you.

You need to focus on the lack of parity, the lazy management decisions whereby you are always the default person to go to and how this is creating a sense of disharmony. You could even talk about how you feel as though you suffer prejudice for being child free.

Flexible working is fine providing it's not done ato someone's expense.

You have to keep a good tally of all the extra hours you've worked, and I know from experience that the only way to use flexi time or TOIL is to add it on to annual leave, when you're going to be away for a while anyway, as it's always difficult just to take the odd day here or there.

It wasn't until I had DD in childcare that I entered a period of time in my life where getting somewhere at a specific time was so crucial. I did share this all with DH, though. And that was whilst living and working in London with a one hour commute each way.

It's a tough one, but parents don't have young children for ever . . . it might just feel like they do.

And as a PP said, I would sometimes have preferred an additional hour in the office than having to spend it watching a school concert.

Sounds like your manager is lazy. The easy option it to give it to you rather than deal with other staffing problems

This ^^

I was in this exact situation for years... only childless worker so never got any school holidays off. Worked pretty much all Christmas and my rota was typically done last to accommodate all the flexible working requests which resulted in me rarely getting weekends off, more than 1 day off at a time and all of the unpopular shifts. I got the what goes around comes around spiel all the time... It never does.

In my current job I just put my foot down from day 1 and said I won't be taken advantage Of. I still work crap shifts and worked all christmas but because I chose to and the workers where I am now are flexible in return.

Jassy the OP says I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me so while yes, th4re are assumptions about childcare being the woman's job, that's not the issue here. There are six woman and one man leaning on the OP and they should not be.

OP Please don't say what your plans are. No, not tonight, tomorrow morning is, in MN-speak, a complete sentence. They will get used to it if you don't budge. And you need to tell your manager that you are not going to accept it and not going to explain what you are doing; your private life is as important to you as a colleague's is to him or her even if he or she has as many children as the old woman (person? it's a very old rhyme) who lived in a shoe.

Oh, and if you worked last Christmas Day and are still in the same job next Christmas, just announce that you have plans for CD and won't be working it.

It's not just about poor management or claiming extra hours back though; it's the assumption made by some parents that a woman with no children is always available. It's seriously, fucking annoying. And I speak as a parent.