To be annoyed that expectations of me at work are different because I'm child-free?

[Lavenderice]

So I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me. I am increasingly asked to do tasks which are other peoples responsibility because they need to happen first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon and other people need to school-runs or have childcare issues. This morning I had to leave 90 minutes earlier than usual to do something for somebody else because she had to take her child to school. A few weeks ago I had a similar journey because the person was heavily pregnant and "just couldn't do it". We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents.

For the record I don't mind helping out as we are an industry which naturally attracts women of child baring age and I appreciate it's difficult, but lately it seems more of an expectation than a favour.

when you've got kids it'll be your turn to expect help from your colleagues

How presumptuous. And even if the OP hadn't been clear that she won't be having children, maybe being shat on at work for so long would mean that if and when she did, she'd think twice before taking the piss the way her colleagues are doing now.

I'd block out all early mornings and late afternoons in the diary and use them for essential catching-up/paperwork/whatever ongoing essential tasks your job involves.

Just because your work diary says you're free doesn't mean you are free. You can say anything really.

However I'm not against flexibility for parents. Their time is in no way more important that yours but it is pretty difficult to manage work and children. If you did have something to do you would be able to say no. Are you planning on having children one day? If you are when your time comes you'll be thrilled about working in such a flexible job

It's hard to say why it's difficult to get out of these things without disclosing what profession I work in, which could out me.

But yes, I definitely need to acquire an elderly relative.

bunchoffives, as a former office manger, who is still working and I also have kids, it's absolutely not on for everyone, including the manager it seems, taking the piss by expecting the op to take up the slack.

Being kind is one thing. It's quite another to expect the OP to do things because the working parent can't organise themselves properly.

I wonder, do any of them even thank the OP for helping out? I bet not, because it's now sliding into what's being expected of the OP.

OP, I do think you need to raise this calmly with your manager.

dont make excuses.
just say whether you are or aren't able to come in early or leave late on any given day
if this is becoming a regular thing is there any chance you could make it work for you, eg you come in early most days but then have the Friday afternoon off, and that time is protected. if that would suit you of course

Oh and just to reiterate, I won't be having any children.

Do your colleagues repay the favours you give them? If not, that is outrageous. Your time is just as important as everyone else's.

It used to piss me off when I was child free and so I am very careful about it now I have them.
I'd start (or make up) sport classes just before work or overnight stays wherever that mean you are not so readily available first thing. Mark your calendar as such " swim/ yoga until X time" which should include getting changed and travelling in to be on time for YOUR work.
And talk to your manager. It is not your role to assist other people with their childcare problems. If you do, it is as a favour which other people will kindly return. I hope you get your fair share of Christmas hols and don't have to come in "because you haven't got children " blah blah blah.

Just saw you won't be having children.

It must be frusrating but so many work places are so child unfriendly.

Hi OP. My god, I completely emphathise with you here. I have NC because I'm engaged in a battle with my employer right now and I don't want to out myself.

I'm in a very similar situation of being child-free but working mostly with women who have young children. As you describe, any work which needs doing outside of core hours (9.30am-4.30pm) will most often be landing on my desk because I don't have a school run to do so never need to leave early or come in late. Whilst I am happy to be flexible and stay a little bit later or come in a little bit earlier occassionally, this isn't something I am remotely happy to do often.

My battle with my employer began a few weeks ago.
Each year, we have visiting work people (like interns I guess) come and work with us for about three months in February-April ish. My manager likes to make them feel welcome so we will organise a meal out every month that they're here. One person usually takes charge of organising these meals and the 'social' side of their visit. This, of course, also involves going for these meals and weekly drinks after work.
For the last three years this responsibility for organising this has fallen to me. When my boss asked me to do it again this year I questioned why I was being asked again when we have another 15 members of staff and was told that they can't because of their family committments they're not able to stay after work outside of business hours.

I absolutely hit the roof because, erm, I don't particularly want to stay after work either and also have a family (DH) that I'd quite like to spend some time with.

It has gotten a bit messy and nasty to be honest because I have refused to do it. My boss isn't backing down on principle and the legal team are now involved. My argument is that since parenthood isn't a protected category under the Equality Act (2010), it's U to protect people who are parents at the expense of people who aren't. The lawyer agrees with me but it's getting horrid.

Yes, I've seen this happen often in small teams and agree it is unfair.

The sort of scenario you will have is that "someone" has to work late to cover an issue that is arisen.
A has to pick up their DC from childcare.
B wants to go and see their DC in the school play.
C needs to get home because their wife has just had a baby and they don't want to leave them too long.

Leaving childless D to pick up the slack. As others have said upthread, this is ok, if there is some give and take, but really not fair if D is always the one picking up the slack - and in fact it's assumed they will do so because their needs are less important.

No way would I make excuses or invent an elderly relative or anything!

You don't need to, and it would come back to bite you on the arse at some point anyway.

Sorry massive ramble there!

Don't make up excuses just say that they are putting U expectations on you which you won't be able to always do although you are, of course, happy to be as flexible as is reasonable and possible.

Yes I think you are all right I do have to sit down and have a chat with my manager. I've just been a bit doubtful about doing this because I'm applying for a promotion.

good luck string
obvious answer to me is that if manager likes it to happen then...erm...manager does it
where I work we all have children. and we all, male and female, work flexibly and cover for each other.

Okay you might not be having children but there may be a time when you need the help of your colleagues too in another way.

I hate all this 'I'll be kind and generous, but only up to a point' - it's not really critical for you is it op?

Whereas for your colleagues and their DC it's probably making a huge difference to their quality of life.

Tell your manager that you don't put your personal commitments in your diary and start saying you can't.

Honestly, what's happening is that they've got you pegged as the handy infill woman. And that's not okay.

Well done to you stringmeup. That's utterly outrageous. Good for you for calling them on it and following through with it. I'm sorry that things are tough for you but I really hope it turns out well. And thank you for standing up for the rights of childfree people

I have 4 DC and a full time job - I manage to do that due to flexible working for which I am grateful, but it is on me to ensure my obligations at work are met. It naffs me off hugely when staff with children decline to fulfill basic functions of the job. I in fact terminated a contractor employed within a team that operated 24/7 shifts as after only a few weeks in, it was stated that they could not work any Sundays nor any evening shifts and apparently I had to accept that as flexible working was a right. They got a bloody short shift from me because FLEXIBLE is not the same as not doing bits of your actual role. In your case OP though, the issue is not flexible working but your managers inability to assign work correctly - so a Mum can't do X as her DD needs a drop off, you should not be default cover for all as perhaps another colleague with kids has not that same limitation. Address with your manager and phrase it as you being default cover all the time rather than covering for parents

And bunchoffives - being kind and generous cuts both ways. Who's being kind to the OP? No one

ah hang on
rightly or wrongly I wouldn't do anything until after you've had the interview

I'm sorry Bunchoffives but I find your post quite offensive. I don't think that my time is less 'critical' than any of my colleagues.

bunchoffives, what do you mean its not critical? Its her time she's giving up! Just because she doesn't have children doesn't mean she has nothing going on in her life

Thanks Stealth and Lotta

Stealth Oh no, my boss is far too busy and important to bother with stuff like that. He'd much rather get one of his minions to take on the 'social' role and then swan in for the credit for hosting our guests so well afterwards. Cunt.