To be annoyed that expectations of me at work are different because I'm child-free?

[Lavenderice]

So I work in a team of 8 people, one is male and the rest of us are female, everyone has children apart from me. I am increasingly asked to do tasks which are other peoples responsibility because they need to happen first thing in the morning or last thing in the afternoon and other people need to school-runs or have childcare issues. This morning I had to leave 90 minutes earlier than usual to do something for somebody else because she had to take her child to school. A few weeks ago I had a similar journey because the person was heavily pregnant and "just couldn't do it". We work on flexi time so whilst we have core hours the nature of the work sometimes means we need to work extra hours, which we are credited for. This is mentioned when we are interviewed for the post but it irks me when people can't do it because they're parents.

For the record I don't mind helping out as we are an industry which naturally attracts women of child baring age and I appreciate it's difficult, but lately it seems more of an expectation than a favour.

Thing is, if the company had hired all child-free people, then the OP wouldn't be expected to do the unsocial hours, it would have to be done by the person who's work it is. Also what would happen if hte OP also had DCs, would the person who's work it was would have to just find another way to get their DCs to school or would the work have to be rescheduled? It's not 'give and take' if the other colleague will never be able to go in early/stay late, and do some of the OP's workload so she can have an extra lie in or leave early for a weekend etc. If they are always going ot have drop off/pick up issues, then they will never be able to be flexiable to 'repay' the favour.

OP - I think you are right to raise this with your manager - if the 'family friendly' hours aren't compatable with when the work needs to be done, then they aren't really suitable for that job, unless they plan to always have a certain percentage of the office staff without DCs with the intention they will pick up the extra work.

String the best of luck with that, keep me posted.

I can only survive as a FT working parent because my job is very flexible. But the flexibility is for everyone, not just parents (and not just mothers). That's the way it has to go: flexible workplaces are good for business and good for people, not a special favour meted out to the mums. I frequently move around hours/rearrange childcare to help colleagues, including one who is primary carer for an elderly parent, and another who needs to travel frequently. They are also happy to be flexible for me.

I would agree with others that this needs to be calmly nipped in the bud, OP. Good luck.

You need to sit down with your manager and team and sort this out, not make up elderly relatives or gym classes.

I am a working mum who works school hours, but when I negotiated this arrangement it was also understood that there are some things I have to be early/late for, so about 3x a month I have to find childcare to cover early or late meetings, or work in the holidays. I'm fine with that, though it is difficult and expensive to organise, it's part of my job.

Interestingly, I work with a predominantly older workforce, mostly women, who are finding they need increasing amounts of time off to look after elderly parents and so whatever our needs for flexibility are, we tend to pull together and cover each other where we can.

good luck.

It's not really possible to say I can't do it or I'll check

Bollocks. Its ALWAYS possible to do this. They don't know what responsibilities you do have. Children are not the be all or end all.

You just don't want to and need to learn to say no. If you say yes then it will become an expectation and this is something you have to manage.

Your managers can not discipline you for not doing more than your fair share of unsociable hours jobs. And no don't make excuse. I'm sorry I can't manage that for personal reasons should be sufficient.

or 'I already have other plans/commitments'.

Well that was me for 20 years. Never took holidays at Christmas or in school holidays. Bridged the gap between part timers.
Then I had children and was very grateful for the flexibility my employer gave when I needed it.

This is not a question of you doing favours, it's you doing what your manager has asked you to do. There will be a time even without children when everyone needs a bit of flexibility (health issues, elderly parents etc)
It's the managers job to manage that with the staff available.

String, good luck and I agree with PPs GOOD FOR YOU for calling them on it!

fives, your post doesn't make sense and is pretty offensive. What do you mean leaving on time is 'not really critical' for the OP? And do you not think that coming in on time, leaving on time and taking on other people's workload actually DOES make a difference to her 'quality of life'? Why do you think the quality of life of someone without children is less important than that of someone with?

Thanks Lavenderice. I'm due to go for a big meeting with the bosses, the lawyer people and the union next week to discuss this so will post about the outcome of that.

I'd also say actually that you need to make it clear to your boss that it's him and his expectations that you have the issue with not your co-workers who are parents. I had this issue where my co-workers thought I was pissed off with them but of course I completely understand that they want to get home to their families/they have family committements etc. What's critical is assuming that I don't want to get home/have committments just because there are no DC in the picture.

There is also here a very irritating undertone of women = responsible for child care/child duties.

DH and I split drop offs and pick ups pretty evenly. If one of us needs to be in early/stay late on 'our' day, we swap and pick up the slack for each other.

It's depressing how often that's not the case and child-related duties are automatically the woman - which always means her employer and her colleagues are the ones affected. Totally wrong.

yes but secret it's going to always be unfairly weighted against op as presumably people in her office with children have elderly relatives/get ill/visit New Zealand/want to do early morning yoga as well
and they'll get flexibility for that. as would the op. but tey get the flexibility for their children too.

My daughter is in the same position as the OP to the extent that her employer questions her need to have a summer holiday that sometimes involves the school holidays . The clue is in " the summer " . In Britain there is not a lot of summer to choose from. Who wants a summer holiday in May or October ! Oops sorry there is school holidays then too.

Also someone has to cover Christmas and New Year. She doesn't have children therefore why would she want Christmas off!! She could have New year because she obviously parties!!!!!

Jassy Yes, this is so true. My issue is that a number of cases have been brought in the past where parents have used gender as a protected category in the Equality Act (2010) to get flexible hours because the argument is that women pick up most of the childcare and parenthood isn't a protected category. Whilst true, it seems to me to reproduce the assumption that children are women's responsibility which seems like a backwards step.

Bollocks bunchoffives just because someone has kids doesn't give them carte blanche to dictate the lives of their work colleagues.

It'll the op chooses not to have kids, that's her choice. Should she be penalised for that? The colleague with kids should organise childcare to allow her to get into office to do the task that SHE was allocated. Once in a while when things fall through fair enough but not all the time.

I don't have kids yet but i don't have the luxury of flexi-time. I finished work now but when I couldn't do a task I would ask someone to do it and in return do their work for them that I could do.

Kindness works both ways. As does understanding.

And everyone is entitled to a quality of life out of work, whether that's spending time with kids, OH or going to a yoga class.

Jassy That's really interesting, and yes sounds like a massive backwards step.

If you work flexi don't you get the time off at other times?

Also, block out time in your diary (and put a private flag on it, then nobody knows what it is and it's not their business - if that's not possible because you are closely monitored just put "not working" or "private meeting"). I do it on mine as I officially work mornings only and otherwise I find that people try to schedule meetings (conference calls) for when I am not working.

I work well over my hours but because I want to, and because sometimes I pop out to do chores during work time (I work from home) so I make up the time. But I don't want there to be an expectation of it, and I am not doing conference calls when my son is home from school. So I simply block out the time and say "not working". So if you don't want to come in 90 minutes early block out the time before your usual start time.

However, I do think this is a case of what goes around comes around. You help out a colleague, they'll help you out. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you don't work hard. Maybe they'll cover a lunchtime when you want to go shopping or out for lunch with a friend for example. Or pick up stuff at home after the kids have gone to bed.

Admittedly some part-timers are inflexible eg I am always amazed when they say they can't do a training day because it's not their usual working day. For goodness sake, just work that day and take another day instead! I appreciate that childcare is not always that flexible but if you've got a few months' notice you should be able to arrange a workaround. My nursery wouldn't change days but I would have just asked dh to take a day's leave to cover it instead.

Before I had ds I didn't have a problem with my colleagues leaving early to go to nativity plays etc. I was relieved that I didn't have to do it myself!

As for the "summer" holidays - actually the weather is usually better in the UK in May/June than it is in August. I am in the camp that thinks you're mad to go away in August if you don't have to.

Totally agree, string.

I've been known to raise eyebrows at my male staff if their kids are ill but they aren't covering their share of staying home. I make it pretty clear to fathers that I expect them to be doing their fair share with their kids, and that we'll be flexible and support them in that.

It also sends a clear signal to everyone that we as employers don't see child stuff as 'for women'. I have had in the past (and read on MN!) 'oh, I don't earn as much so DH's job is more important to us, so I need to do all the child care cover'.

I didn't quite know how to respond politely and constructively.

Yes, I get the hours back, but I still don't appreciate being dictated to the way I am about picking up other people's work. We can't put in not working or private meeting without explained my to managers what exactly we are doing.

Some part timers have more than one job, so can't swap their days around, if their other employer won't let them.

• without explaining. (Sorry)

I still don't understand the part about not being able to refuse to do these hours because you can't block out time in your diary. The company doesn't own you, you don't have to account for your hours 24/7! It sounds as if a lot of this cover is needed at beginning and end of the day (e.g. school drop offs) so if you can start work between say, 8 and 9 a.m. and your boss tells you that you need to come in by 8 as X has a childcare commitment, why can you not say you have a dentist or doctor appointment? Surely it is your right to have a private life and organise yourself whatever way you wish when you don't actually have to be at work? Or am missing something here? Obviously it's different if you are already at work and are expected to cover a period in the middle of the day.

We can't put in not working or private meeting without explained my to managers what exactly we are doing ??? What? Even for your own private time? It is none of your manager's business what you do with your non-working time.

Ok, this may out me but I'm a Social Worker for children's social care. So a lot of our day is about being available when the client is available and responding to emergency calls so it's not always possible to plan your day. We also have statutory targets to reach and are completely over stretched. It's quite often a "all hands on deck" situation and there are expectations that you will be working extra hours when needed and wherever possible.

do you not have any concept of core hours? if you usually get to work for 8 and are asked to come in at 7 then I don't get why you can't say no.
or do you live on site
I'm usually answering phone and checking email by 8. boss often calls and speaks to me then but if she didn't shed just try again in an hour. if she wants to guarantee I'm there, she asks. and I say yes or no