To tell friend she isn't trying to shift baby weight in argument

[ForeverChasingToddlers]

Before everyone blasts me and jumps to conclusions about what I think and believe just to be clear

• I know having a baby is hard
• I know having babies so close together is even more hard on the body and mind in most cases

-I know loosing wieght in general is hard

• I know women should not judge other women
• I think all ladies could go at their own pace
• I know having kids and working out is harder than getting it done without kids. Moreso when you are a working mom.

Friend and I were at a escape from evil bloodsucking children birthday dinner on Saturday.
She has 2 DCs under 3 - the last one being born in september.
I have 2 DCS under 3 - Last DD being born in October.

I'm 70KG at 5''7 post baby, she is 5''6 and around 87KG post baby. I have about 10 Kgs to go until I am happy so emotionally mentally physically am still on a weight loss journey

We are at the dinner, DH's at home with the babies, She orders macaroni and cheese with half a chicken and a side of chips with a large glass of wine. She had a starter of fried cheese balls and a desert of what looked like apple pie. I didn't give one shit yet when I order a chicken salad with dressing on the side she starts to snigger and make little digs. The ones that really hurt me throughout the night was

"I'm more focused on my DC's than trying to be skinny"
"Live a little - it's all about being a good mom"
"Not all of us have time to frolic around in the gym some of us have kids to take care of"

I laughed them off until the last frolic comment - I then said that It's fucked up that in today society you cannot get on with being whatever type of woman / mother that fits you without being fucking judged!!! My husband is 100000% hands on, and we share the responsibility 50/50, when I have a spare minute instead of going to bed I muster up every last shred of energy I have and go for a jog for 1/2 an hour instead of watching corrie with a tin of biscuits next to me (which is what she does fair enough but silly if you want to loose weight thats all!!). I watch what I eat and that gets 80% of the work done anyway so what's with the parenting bashing?

she then said "being a mom is a 24/7 job with or without a husband" as though for taking 1/2 an hour a day to jog while hubby watched the DDs makes me an absent mother! WTF

I just bloody snapped and said We all have to loose the wieght at our own personal pace in our own personal way....but don't try and make being over weight and being a good mom mutually exclusive...they do not walk hand in hand and just bloody admit you are being lazy and you could atleast watch what you put in your mouth if you really cared

She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night.

AIBU?

She hates her body and says she wants to loose weight but clearly has no bloody motivation. Some people are single mothers with not one spare lucid minute to work out at home or cant afford a gym membership fair play but watch what you eat then if you so desperately want to loose weight

I'm tired of the "eating for two" myth and I'm tired of the sensationalism of not shifting baby weight (if you want to) as "being a real mom" because you are too busy mothering and eating crap!!

Most of all I'm tired of the judgement of being a slim and working out and going to the gym .... with her and to be honest some other women it's like to be a "real" mom you have to be a frumpy depressed mess. I truly believe that if you have a hands on DH or even a mum willing to help you out etc you can get the weight off!! Sometimes ...... I even wear makeup and get my hair done....CALL THE SOCIAL SERVICES!!!

You are getting angry about her judging you when you are judging her at the same time. To each his own as both of you are massively over simplying.

There are no words.

Well that was an interesting meal out together , do you feel better getting that off your chest?

My first

Umm, I don't recognise the frumpy mother thing you talk about. Some women, mothers or not, invest more time in their appearance than others. The same goes for men. 'Twas ever thus.

You both sound really horrible.

I hope no other mothers were subjected to this bullshit on a rare night out.

I think you were both BU TBH. She shouldn't have made digs and you shouldn't have blown up at her. Obviously the weight thing is a sore point for both of you.

Oh urm not sure what to say really sounds like a fun dinner though

Your willpower was making her feel bad, so she tried to attack you. And succeeded in upsetting you! She sounds like an arse. You don't need to justify yourself, but try not to let this get to you.

GamoraStarlord I'm not judging her .... I' simply saying your weight and ability to parent have nothing to do with one another. I don't snigger and sneer at overweight moms as lazy whatever so don't sneer at me like i abandon my kids to live at the gym. It reminds me of the SAHM vs WM petty judgmental argument.
I only said what I said in response to her and only after several of her comments. Love the skin you are in but don't judge me for wanting to loose weight.

Why are you judging what she was eating? If with every mouthful she said I feel so fat and I really trying but not loosing weight you would have been unreasonable to tell her BUT she did not say that.

I think your post says a love more about your issues and insecurities than your friends and yes you were BU.

YANBU - Well done on your weight loss and I hope you reach your goal.
I will be in the same boat at the end of the year as pre pregnancy I was very skinny and will be watching my weight post birth.

Maybe you should stay at home with the kids from now on?

I snapped but didn't raise my voice or anything, she was attacking me since I arrived. Skinny this and skinny that. The comments about my kids really pissed me off. I didnt mind the other stuff.

my first biscuit too

You say you are friends. Are you sure?

Fuck that. You obviously have an amazing system at home where you can take 30 minutes out for yourself to go for a run. I drop my DD at my mums and go for a run/swim with my brother for far longer (if swimming) when DH is at work. There's nothing saying you cant take a little time out, not from being a mum, but just for yourself to do something you obviously feel passionate about.

It sounds like your friend is jealous. She obviously has no motivation, sees that you do, and its working, and doesn't like it. Don't listen to her, carry on doing what you're doing, and ffs, don't feel guilty about it. (not saying you do, but I'm sleep deprived and might not make much sense. Sorry)

You sound a bit weight obsessed tbh you are supposed to be friends out enjoying dinner not on the weight battlefield

Wow. Was it just the 2 of you? Did you just sit and ignore each other?

WhatsGoingOnEh It's called a typo...and even if it was a spelling mistake so what?

I think yw understandably u. That would really rile me too. You are clearly fed up with society judging our every move and her comments were the final straw. But at least you didnt have to talk to her for the rest of the meal

I also suspect yoy are a doer. If something bothers you you do something about it, and people who whine about stuff while doing nothing about it annoy you, right?