Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think some children are just horrible?

283 replies

Wideeyedcarrrot · 11/04/2015 17:33

And ds is one of those children.

I don't know what's gone wrong, it must be my fault but I've done my best. He's always been difficult. He wants smiley and cheery like other people's babies and toddlers. He was miserable and did nothing but scream. He never slept. He still doesn't eat very well as certain textures and smells make him sick. He's very demanding of my time. And now all he wants to do is fight. He's very aggressive and unpleasant, he has a superior attitude and always wants to be the best. He's unkind to other children, putting them down and being spiteful. We've been out with a friend today. Her children walked around the farm park enjoying themselves and looking at animals like normal children. Mine wanted to race, to spot the animals 'first' to crow that he'd seen something before them. He can't just be like other children. He doesn't appreciate anything, he's obnoxious and rude.
It ended in him (purposefully although he claims it was an accident) running over a toddler whilst he was on a pedal tractor. I don't think he meant to actually knock the child over but he was chasing after him whilst riding the tractor so it was bound to happen. I just couldn't quite get there in time to stop it even though I was shouting at ds to stop.
I took ds off the tractors, told him off, made him sit out and watch. He wasn't allowed anything from the gift shop (I'd originally said he could spend his pocket money) and there won't be any football tonight or tomorrow.
I can barely even look at him. Why would be behave like that to a little child? No one has ever been mean to him. That's how psychopaths start, by picking on those weaker than them. He constantly has to be pretending to fight, always got a stick in his hand pretending it's a gun. The behaviour disgusts me, I don't want him anywhere near me at the moment although I'm trying not to show it because I'm so annoyed about the tractor incident. I'm trying to calm down.
What has gone so badly wrong? Why is he such hard work? He can't relate to people properly. Well no actually he can. When he chooses to or when he wants something. He's very manipulative.

I wonder if it's because he's an only child but so am I and I never had trouble relating to other children. And I know other people with only children and their dc aren't like ds. He always wants more, he's never satisfied with anything. Never grateful for anything.

Is this something I've done or Aibu to think some children are just more difficult than others? My friend didnt once have to speak to her children about their behaviour. I'm constantly on edge with ds waiting for him to do something he shouldn't. Earlier in the day he'd been 'pushing' my friend's dd on the swing. Except actually he'd been thumping her in the back and trying to push her off and again I had to go and intervene. I just cannot understand why he does it, where is this nasty behaviour coming from?

OP posts:
TeenAndTween · 11/04/2015 17:36

Maybe you've got into a negative spiral?

Can you practice catching him being good, and praise massively for that?

26Point2Miles · 11/04/2015 17:38

Op I have no answers. Have school mentioned anything? How old is he?

I feel for you.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 11/04/2015 17:39

How old is he?

Wideeyedcarrrot · 11/04/2015 17:40

He's 5, nearly 6.
It's such hard work all the time. I try and take him out with other dc because he's an only child but it's so stressful. Plus I can't see them wanting to go out with us for much longer if this carries on. When he was a toddler it wasn't so bad because they all do things like the above when they're toddlers but normally they've outgrown it by now.

Good as gold at school apparently (no friends though but he doesn't care) so I think maybe it is me?

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 11/04/2015 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wideeyedcarrrot · 11/04/2015 17:41

It's just constant. And he says really horrible things too, to other children not adults. For no reason. Entirely unprovoked.

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 11/04/2015 17:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wideeyedcarrrot · 11/04/2015 17:43

I don't know where to start with trying to sort it out. I do stop any aggressive or spiteful behaviour but he doesn't seem to learn and as fast as I've dealt with one issue another one appears.
He has always been high needs. Always. The sleeping was horrendous until he was nearly 5. He's never been easy going in any sense of the word. Everything has always been a battle.

OP posts:
Wideeyedcarrrot · 11/04/2015 17:44

At parent's evening the teacher described him as 'delightful'. She said he's a 'loner' who can take or leave the other children. He just isn't that interested and prefers to play alone apparently.

OP posts:
ShouldIworryornothelp · 11/04/2015 17:44

Maybe give the school nurse a call and see if camhs can help unpick him a bit?

FabULouse · 11/04/2015 17:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

maroonedwithfour · 11/04/2015 17:47

Do you think he has something else undiagnosed going on?

Wideeyedcarrrot · 11/04/2015 17:47

I did wonder but if school think there's no problem because apparently he isn't like this at school (which I find hard to believe because it never stops at home) then would they do anything?

OP posts:
ShouldIworryornothelp · 11/04/2015 17:47

I also don't want to be harsh but some children are sadly just vile as are some adults. Psychopathic and sociopathic behaviour does usually start young. I'm not saying your child fits into this category but there are services that can help

LindyHemming · 11/04/2015 17:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

engeika · 11/04/2015 17:48

OP I feel for you too and it takes a brave woman to honestly admit what you have. No easy answers I'm afraid. I have a very difficult DS myself - different issues though. I don't think your DS is a psychopath though - just difficult at the moment.

Agree that getting out of the negative spiral needs to be done and that school might also be able to help. Maybe a "family therapist" - but that can cost.

RandomMess · 11/04/2015 17:48

Just want to send you hugs Flowers one positive thing is that you notice and you care.

Does he ever show empathy or sympathy towards others?

Wideeyedcarrrot · 11/04/2015 17:48

I wonder that but then I think maybe he's just not very nice. It's just totally utterly unprovoked behaviour. If it was provoked I could maybe understand it. And it's indiscriminate. It's to every child he's in contact with. Just deeply deeply unpleasant.

OP posts:
PamDooveOrangeJoof · 11/04/2015 17:50

I read a really interesting article about 'Love Bombing' to combat negative behaviour. Will try and find it...

longdiling · 11/04/2015 17:50

I wonder if the teacher is wrong and instead of not being bothered by other kids he actually wants to interact with them but doesn't quite know how?

The tractor thing...it sounds like you've come down on it really, really hard. Especially as it sounds as if he was chasing the toddler rather than deliberately trying to hurt them. You're effectively punishing him for it 4 times - you took him off the tractors, stopped him going in the shop and then he's banned from football for 2 days. I'd have stopped at the first punishment to be honest.

Kids being obsessed with guns and fighting at that age is quite normal too. I wonder if there's away you can get some of that aggression out in a more focused way like through martial arts or something?

I'd definitely ask for more help on the social side of things with school though.

popalot · 11/04/2015 17:50

Not horrible, but some develop antisocial behaviour. This could be personality - being a bit more competitive - or genetic (being on the spectrum) or nurture (not knowing what his boundaries are).

To start with you can tackle the antisocial behaviour: praise and reward good, expected behaviour. Sanction unexpected behaviour. Make it clear what expected behaviour is and what unexpected behaviour is. Make a table with what you expect. Reward him whenever he makes a good choice (sage appropriate).

But you should also tell him you love him when he's calm. Find the bit of him you enjoy spending time with. Bedtime is a great time to tell him all the things you are proud of him for and avoid talking about any negative things at this time.

Next, avoid situations where he might get aggressive eg. softplay until he's learnt what is acceptable and what is not. Stay calm and consistent.

Finally, speak to his school and ask them what behaviour they see. It is this conversation that might lead you on to think about maybe autism, although there are lots of other indicators for this and it could just be your son's personality means he needs extra clear boundaries.

Good luck and love him: he is not horrible, just a bit confused about what is right or wrong. My dd is good as gold but I still have to do all the above and every parent will. It might seem that everyone else has a handle on it, but we're all learning and adjusting. He'll be fine, so long as he knows you love him and keep the rules of expectation clear.

Maliceaforethought · 11/04/2015 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OttiliaVonBCup · 11/04/2015 17:53

I think some children are more difficult.

The good thing is though you recognise he's not behaving well, some parents just stick their head in the sand.

It seems you might need some help, it must be draining dealing with that.
Good luck!

FiveExclamations · 11/04/2015 17:53

I know he's behaving well at school, but have you discussed this with them? Or the health visitor, or a Doctor?

You sound so worn down, if there is any avenue of help I think it's worth exploring.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 11/04/2015 17:53

And yes the no friends things rings bells and the fact he isn't bothered by that. Have school no concerns at all?

Swipe left for the next trending thread