To think some children are just horrible?

[Wideeyedcarrrot]

And ds is one of those children.

I don't know what's gone wrong, it must be my fault but I've done my best. He's always been difficult. He wants smiley and cheery like other people's babies and toddlers. He was miserable and did nothing but scream. He never slept. He still doesn't eat very well as certain textures and smells make him sick. He's very demanding of my time. And now all he wants to do is fight. He's very aggressive and unpleasant, he has a superior attitude and always wants to be the best. He's unkind to other children, putting them down and being spiteful. We've been out with a friend today. Her children walked around the farm park enjoying themselves and looking at animals like normal children. Mine wanted to race, to spot the animals 'first' to crow that he'd seen something before them. He can't just be like other children. He doesn't appreciate anything, he's obnoxious and rude.
It ended in him (purposefully although he claims it was an accident) running over a toddler whilst he was on a pedal tractor. I don't think he meant to actually knock the child over but he was chasing after him whilst riding the tractor so it was bound to happen. I just couldn't quite get there in time to stop it even though I was shouting at ds to stop.
I took ds off the tractors, told him off, made him sit out and watch. He wasn't allowed anything from the gift shop (I'd originally said he could spend his pocket money) and there won't be any football tonight or tomorrow.
I can barely even look at him. Why would be behave like that to a little child? No one has ever been mean to him. That's how psychopaths start, by picking on those weaker than them. He constantly has to be pretending to fight, always got a stick in his hand pretending it's a gun. The behaviour disgusts me, I don't want him anywhere near me at the moment although I'm trying not to show it because I'm so annoyed about the tractor incident. I'm trying to calm down.
What has gone so badly wrong? Why is he such hard work? He can't relate to people properly. Well no actually he can. When he chooses to or when he wants something. He's very manipulative.

I wonder if it's because he's an only child but so am I and I never had trouble relating to other children. And I know other people with only children and their dc aren't like ds. He always wants more, he's never satisfied with anything. Never grateful for anything.

Is this something I've done or Aibu to think some children are just more difficult than others? My friend didnt once have to speak to her children about their behaviour. I'm constantly on edge with ds waiting for him to do something he shouldn't. Earlier in the day he'd been 'pushing' my friend's dd on the swing. Except actually he'd been thumping her in the back and trying to push her off and again I had to go and intervene. I just cannot understand why he does it, where is this nasty behaviour coming from?

Where is the dad?

Op I have not read the whole thread but I really hope that you are going to get some help and support yourself. It sounds like you are having a hard time and really by seeing things in perspective. I would make it a priority to get yourself assessed for depression (you must be pushy about this), look into local
Cbt or mindfulness groups and get some help and support for childcare. There is no shame in needing help, I have had medical help for depression myself. Your attitude towards your child does seem unreasonable in the extreme. He may be badly behaved, but honestly nothing you've mentioned sounds very bad - difficult to deal with yes but not unusual and certainly not indicative of any serious moral problems. It seems quite likely that you are communicating an extremely unreasonable and negative attitude towards your child to the child. This can be extremely daging and will of course cause behavioural issues. I have to say your post had worried me deeply. Please please seek help.

He's a loner but well behaved at school according to his teacher. Do his social skills need building on. I had a similar child like this in my class. Other children just found him aggressive, 'too much/overpowering' and he couldnt share or do team games. His parents were despairing as his behaviour was spiralling out of control outside school. However, 1 to 1 with an adult he was charming, engaging, vulnerable - and yes, manipulative.

I decided it was any attention even shouting is better than no attention with his parents and a social skills problems.(they both worked shifts so didnt spend much time with him). I asked them to spend one session each with him a week one on one for a few hours, baking, park, footie, not just watching telly. Then i moved him in class to a table of very laid back easy going children who were 'young' for their age rather than the other children i had: the majority who were very socially skilled, more mature and more academic. He did get better, a lot better. Andmade friends. But I still had to occasionally pull him to one side and calm him down. Underneath the charm he was actually very vulnerable and lonely. (And spending all his time with a way older brother hadnt helped him socially with his own peer group.)

He's 5, still so little. A lot of the behaviour you describe is typical for 5 year olds.

To start talking of psychopathy is awful. Maybe he senses you don't like him? Children know more than a lot of adults presume.

If you're worried about his social development or you are struggling with your parenting then contact the appropriate services or speak to the school.

Have you bonded with him? Do you love him? Maybe the issue is yours as well as his.

I forgot to say OP. Children are so, so, so quick to sense and react to a negative vibe. You might not even realise that you are concentrating on the negative all the time. Praise doesnt just have to be for achievements. It can be 'you were really kind to so and so's toddler.' etc etc.

What good points does he have, everyone has them, there must be something, is he tidy, can he bake, is he good with pets? Get him one: they can be great for teaching kindness & empathy. Recent studies on rehabilitating violent agressive behaviuor thru caring for animals are massively changing accepted theory on how we solve anti social behaviour. Start with praising the small stuff and then actively search for other things.

Poor you.

A few of the things you said made me wonder if your son could have sensory processing disorder, I think you should look into it and if you have a nice GP - go and see him/her for a chat.

He sounds quite strong willed, too. I bet he calms down in a few years time and will be really really lovely and successsful when he grows up!

Such good advice on here. Hope you can ease your way through to it!

Good luck.

I haven't read all the answers, but I would really encourage you to investigate to see if there is a physical cause.

You mentioned that he had a "slight" tongue tie and couldn't feed or sleep well. "Slight" is often the description used by HCPs who are not knowledgeable about posterior tongue ties.

Tongue ties can affect the orofacial structure which can have a knock on effect on sleeping and breathing. A restricted tongue can cause difficulty with chewing and swallowing, some textures are easier than others.

If you were having trouble eating, breathing and sleeping, then you would also find it difficult to behave well.

shows you what the effects of it can be.

The trouble we have at the moment though, is that most mainstream HCPs do not have decent knowledge about this topic. I found it out the hard way with DS1 when I was poo pooed all round that his ties and high palate were causing all his many problems. Ties often go hand in hand with allergies and other gut problems too.

Please do everything you can to find out more about his tongue tie and orofacial structure. Leave no stone unturned!