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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think many people let their children make way too much noise in public places?

248 replies

LilacWine7 · 10/04/2015 17:44

I really hate the sound of kids screeching and yelling and misbehaving. It shocks me how many parents seem to think this is normal and ignore it. For example, in IKEA last weekend I was trying to talk to a sales assistant and there were at least 10 kids running round shouting at tops of voices, squealing and climbing on furniture (including climbing up shelving units in full view of parents). AIBU to think IKEA is not a children's playground? By the time we left I had a splitting headache.
It's the same on public transport, in waiting-rooms, in queues, in supermarkets, in cafes, at the local zoo, even during lamb-feeding session at pets corner. (BTW I'm not talking about the odd tantrum I'm talking about parents wilfully ignoring the racket their kids make).

Last week I had an appointment at early pregnancy unit (for HG). The waiting room was full of women who looked just as ill as I felt and was located on the actual ward, so lots of ladies in bed right behind the wall. A couple came in with 3 boys age about 2, 3 and 5. The boys were shouting excitedly to each other, jumping on and off chairs, shouting across the room, and even ripped 2 posters off the wall. It went on for 40mins, until they were called in to see doctor. Parents told them to be quiet a few times then just ignored them. How is this acceptable parenting??

When I was a child we were taught to be respectful. We didn't scream and yell whenever we felt like it. The only places we were permitted to make as much noise as we wanted were in park, beach, playground or in the countryside. We had a big garden but were reminded to keep noise down so it didn't upset neighbours, and there was certainly no screeching indoors. My NDN's kids frequently scream and shout in garden for hours, spoiling the peace for anyone wanting to read or relax outside. Why are people so selfish?

Has society suddenly become noisier, are more children spoilt brats nowadays, or have I just become oversensitive?

OP posts:
Marmaladedandelions · 10/04/2015 17:45

I must admit I hate shrieky children. My daughter shrieks. She's 1 so I'll let her off Grin

beeslovehoney · 10/04/2015 17:49

Yanbu.. How fucking hard is it to sit the child down and give them something to distract them, this half term i have constantly tripped over other peoples unruly children

My dd screams like a banshee if tied into a trolley, but i would rather that than she trip every poor sod up down the milk isle in tesco.

Oh and why does it take a family of 5 to go get a loaf of bread?? Why can't one parent sit in the car or outside and the other grab the items??

DrEllieSattler · 10/04/2015 18:17

YANBU

I was at the dentist last week. There was a family of 3 children with Mum and Gran. The children were absolutely horrendous and I don't use that term lightly. All primary. Leaping on all of the sofas, swinging round the support pole and shrieking "look at me I'm a pole dancer" Confused

"Stop it xxxxx" in the most ineffectual pathetic voices. No consequences other than my learning after 30 minutes that they were all going to Pizza Hut for a treat for tea despite behaving like god knows what I could use there

I know waiting is boring but three children, no distractions, toys, NOTHING. Then both women were tag teaming to go out for a cigarette whilst I get kicked, walked into, yelled next to and generally disgusted with the behaviour of the children. Mother takes them into the dentist 1 by 1, gran ignores the behaviour and leaves them to go for cigarettes. I got a smacking kick from one of the children tumbling on the bench into me.

I wound out walking out of the waiting room and standing by the reception desk.

And they were taking the children for a treat tea... To celebrate their cavities, required extractions and their behaviour. Hmm

Could not hoik my judgy pants and clutch my pearls any more.

MrsFlannel · 10/04/2015 18:27

YANBU I can't believe how many children are allowed to be rude and loud.

Satsumafairy · 10/04/2015 18:29

Yanbu. I can't stand screeching children and I love being around children in general. I am a bit over sensitive about noise and I think our house is very quiet compared to other people's but that sort of yelling and jumping on and off things when it's not appropriate
is bloody annoying.

Goldenbear · 10/04/2015 18:35

Children young and old make noises. I am 37 I don't ever remember all these restrictions on noise - maybe your upbringing is influencing your thoughts on this, either way it's probably good preparation before the baby arrives.

maninyellowhat · 10/04/2015 18:38

Our eldest screams a lot, but she has asd. The oap neighbours don't like it, so we never open our curtains. We aren't allowed in the yard, even in the day, even though we own the place. It is difficult at times, and you feel like you're in jail. Just have to hope and pray dc does it less as they get older.

ditavonteesed · 10/04/2015 18:40

yabu about IKEA, it is one massive playground and a great kids day out, the other places yanbu totally inappropriate.

TedAndLola · 10/04/2015 18:42

YANBU. I was in a doctor's surgery a few months ago and two mums were chatting while their four kids ran around the waiting room, shrieking, and knocking into an elderly woman repeatedly. The mums gave them an indulgent "oh Barley darling, don't do that" or "India, that's not very nice" then went back to their chatting without another word.

I was tempted to make a thread about it since they used the word "loons" and I automatically thought of mumsnet, hoping they'd be on here and might see it Grin

Andanotherthing123 · 10/04/2015 18:45

Yabu and over sensitive. Children make noise. I'd rather noisy kids than judgemental, teeth sucking adults.

YouTheCat · 10/04/2015 18:47

I don't think it's so much about the noise even though I really hate screeching . It's more about the lack of respect and appropriate behaviour regarding surroundings.

I was pretty much feral as a child - out the door after breakfast and back for tea. I ran wild. However, I knew how to behave in school. I knew how to behave in the cinema and I knew how to be quiet.

Both of my kids are on the spectrum. My ds can be very loud if he's having a meltdown but even he knew how to sit down as a small child. He never bounced off furniture because he was never allowed to.

I blame, in most cases, crap parenting.

Goldenbear · 10/04/2015 18:50

Sometimes it is objectively 'crap parenting' but I've noticed increasingly people cannot abide others doing things differently to them.

6Musiclover · 10/04/2015 18:53

Yanbu. IKEA in particular seems to attract these sorts of families. Unfortunately, there is a lot of crap parenting out there.

YouTheCat · 10/04/2015 18:53

I don't care if someone does things differently to me. So long as their kids know how to sit in a waiting room or behave when out, I'm not bothered.

Maybe 'crap parenting' was the wrong phrase. Perhaps 'not parenting' is more apt?

GratefulHead · 10/04/2015 18:53

My DS can be both noisy AND bounce off the walls. He has ASD with a side order of ADHD. In fairness he rarely does noisy out of the house but he CAN bounce off the walls if he is overwhelmed by sensory stuff. Supermarkets are a night are so I seldom take him. I go when he is at school.

MissBattleaxe · 10/04/2015 18:54

I agree OP. Kids will be kids, but they should also learn not to be a noisy nuisance to other people. They need to learn that the world has to be shared and it doesn't just belong to them.

Hopelass · 10/04/2015 18:54

YANBU; when it's quite blatantly lazy parenting it really pisses me off.

FriggFRIGG · 10/04/2015 18:59

Yeah.
It's completely reasonable for you to judge everyone's parenting based on the 5 second's you see 'bad' behaviour in public.

I'll lock up my kids in the house and never let them out again.
HTH.

HicDraconis · 10/04/2015 19:00

YANBU with regard to the public places you list - shops, surgery waiting rooms - as they aren't playgrounds and if you have to take children there you should ensure appropriate behaviour.

Your NDNs garden isn't a public space though. Children should be allowed to play outside in their own gardens instead of being cooped up inside staring at screens - so YABVU with your comments about neighbour's children playing in their own garden. The "children should be seen but not heard" thinking went out of fashion a while back.

HairyMcMary · 10/04/2015 19:05

We went to a café at a beach, it has tables and chairs on a sort of forecourt overlooking the beach. I say café, but actually it's a sort of gastro café, you know the kind of thing, hot fresh mackerel sandwiches and a glass of white wine, gorgeous but a bit over priced . I group of 6 adults let their kids chase round and round - playing tag between and round other people's tables while they were eating. At one point we were surrounded by kids circling round our table.

I asked them to stop it, they carried on but slightly further from our table, one mother gave me a glare, another did that wheedling ineffective 'oh, come on kids, keep it down a bit' with absolutely no effect.

The rules I grew up under were no running in shops and no screaming anywhere, ever, if there was anyone who was likely to be slightly disturbed,

SuperFlyHigh · 10/04/2015 19:05

YANBU.

All kids are not like that though - my brother's goddaughter (8) and her older siblings (10 and 13) (the middle one is the loudest) - have been brought up not to screech and with manners…

Ice-skating at Natural History Museum last year - they were great fun. Their dad (a single dad) pulls them up if they're rude etc… they're not angelic by any means but they certainly know how to believe in public. And they're from a Sarf London family. Wink

madreloco · 10/04/2015 19:07

We would have got a slap on the back of the legs from my mother if we acted like that in public. Nowadays its not ok to smack them, fine, but lots of people haven'y subbed any other useful discipline, seemingly thinking their precious darlings are far too wonderful to be controlled by something as pedestrian as good manners and care for others.

My pet peeve is parents who give the kids tablets/phones to keep them quie (good idea, I do it too) but let them play annoying games or watch things at full volume. Its beyond annoying. We recently had a special meal ruined by two tables of other peoples awful children, one side shreiking and playing the drums with spoons/glasses etc (and at one point actually throwing food at each other!) and the other side blaring out two separate noisy gadgets at full, clashing volume.

I found myself wishing intently for my mother and her good slap on the legs for the lot of them. Including the parents.

YouTheCat · 10/04/2015 19:08

I don't think it's a majority of children who behave like this or a majority of parents who fail to do anything about it. It's just that we notice them more because they are loud and annoying.

I bet we all pass plenty of children on a daily basis who are behaving just fine but, as it's not remarkable, we don't notice them.

meglet · 10/04/2015 19:12

if you find them irritating imagine how the parents feel.

maybe they should use gaffer tape on them.

hazeyjane · 10/04/2015 19:12

Kids can be noisy, some children can be noisier than others.

My dds are pretty quiet, and good if I tell them to keep noise down, ds who is disabled, has no volume control at all, and can randomly screech quite loudly, either out of happiness or frustration. Annoyingly he is also very sensitive to sudden loud noises, so often wears ear defenders, meaning he is more unaware that he is being too loud.

I do try and keep him quiet, but sometimes he gets annoyed looks when really I don't think he is making too much noise, its just that the noise he is making is, unconventional!