to think many people let their children make way too much noise in public places?

[LilacWine7]

I really hate the sound of kids screeching and yelling and misbehaving. It shocks me how many parents seem to think this is normal and ignore it. For example, in IKEA last weekend I was trying to talk to a sales assistant and there were at least 10 kids running round shouting at tops of voices, squealing and climbing on furniture (including climbing up shelving units in full view of parents). AIBU to think IKEA is not a children's playground? By the time we left I had a splitting headache.
It's the same on public transport, in waiting-rooms, in queues, in supermarkets, in cafes, at the local zoo, even during lamb-feeding session at pets corner. (BTW I'm not talking about the odd tantrum I'm talking about parents wilfully ignoring the racket their kids make).

Last week I had an appointment at early pregnancy unit (for HG). The waiting room was full of women who looked just as ill as I felt and was located on the actual ward, so lots of ladies in bed right behind the wall. A couple came in with 3 boys age about 2, 3 and 5. The boys were shouting excitedly to each other, jumping on and off chairs, shouting across the room, and even ripped 2 posters off the wall. It went on for 40mins, until they were called in to see doctor. Parents told them to be quiet a few times then just ignored them. How is this acceptable parenting??

When I was a child we were taught to be respectful. We didn't scream and yell whenever we felt like it. The only places we were permitted to make as much noise as we wanted were in park, beach, playground or in the countryside. We had a big garden but were reminded to keep noise down so it didn't upset neighbours, and there was certainly no screeching indoors. My NDN's kids frequently scream and shout in garden for hours, spoiling the peace for anyone wanting to read or relax outside. Why are people so selfish?

Has society suddenly become noisier, are more children spoilt brats nowadays, or have I just become oversensitive?

Crossposted - bit of an Alice love fest going on!

My eldest two DC are LOUD when they are together. Their default volume setting is 'being heard over a hurricane'. I don't ignore, I remind them every time we're out and pull them for it every time it happens. It still
happens a lot. They aren't doing it maliciously, they just get giddy together.

I have nothing but sympathy for parents whose dc have additional needs that cause them to struggle with social situations. However, the vast majority of children that I see (probably) do not have such issues and are just being allowed to behave badly by lazy parents.

However, the vast majority of children that I see (probably) do not have such issues and are just being allowed to behave badly by lazy parents.

Can I have a psychic beanie as well? I assume you must have one to know the difference at a glance, of course......

YANBU. There is a time and a place and it is not hard for a child to learn this if the message is consistent from the word go.

However please come back to the thread once you have a toddler and tell us all how easy it is.....

I am never ever irritated by kids with SN doing whatever they do.

Because an autistic child can't moderate their voice and waves their arms around in confined spaces or a child with learning disabilities makes noise and a mess, does that mean that it is OK for NT children to play tag round other people's tables while they are eating?

Children being joyful, funny or just ordinary kids - fine.
behaving as if they were always at the park, whether they are in a cinema, café, shop or hospital waiting room is an entirely different matter.

And they CAN behave - NT children learn to sit happily, actually having a good time, listening to stories and being absorbed in things at school - so they can be encouraged to do that for short periods of time in other settings.

And of course, the majority of children behave well and are lovely, for the majority of the time.

no psychic beanie, but thanks for the sarcasm.

My comparison today was the mum desperately trying to calm her child in tesco as opposed to the mum who came out with a faint "stop pissing about" as her child ran shrieking down the aisle.

for all those who say we're seeing our childhoods through rose tinted glasses where we were all angelic, well of course we misbehaved, were rude and screamed and shouted.

The difference these days seems to be that some (not all) parents don't dare seem to say anything to their children if they're too loud etc either because they don't (so it seems) know how to discipline their child or they want them to be 'free' etc…

I know that if we didn't say please and thank you (even 'thanks' was looked down on by my nana) then we either didn't get what we wanted or we got a stern speaking to afterwards. I've noticed recently children of e.g. neighbours a 3 year old (whose mum tells me she is 'precocious') rarely says thank you if given a gift and her mum says she's 'shy', an 11 year old - fairly surly too, will say thank you but has to be pushed for it.

I recall my toddler brother having a tantrum in public once only (in the post office) - I swear no other time!

we did occasionally play up but if it was for a treat (and a restaurant back then was a big treat, pubs rarely allowed children inside and if only to the games rooms/garden etc and under duress) we were well behaved.

If we played up (rude etc) then we would have either been taken away or spoken to at the table/in toilets etc.

There was no threat of a smack (though we were smacked sometimes) but we knew certainly to behave!

we did get treats in the supermarket - e.g. promise of BBQ flavour hula hoops for me once we'd done the weekly food shop or we'd be allow to keep the 10ps from taking lemonade bottles back to the grocers.

oh yes and my brother and I constantly had to go to hospital (me for a squint and him for severe asthma) and there was a playroom and aquarium at the children's hospital (with a rocking horse!) but apart from normal play and talking (not loudly, quietly to our parents) I swear we didn't play up….

places like swimming pool/parks/adventure playgrounds/parties - playing out in the street/having friends over/school discos/sports - these were the times and places where it was encouraged to talk loudly, scream, shout, run around etc.

This makes me sound like some sort of saint/angel but I swear the above is true!

Pins on 'lazy parent' badge.

Wanders off to have more

Good god what a bunch of judgemental fuckers ome of your are!, so glad your children know when is and when isnt an appropriate place to kick off! some of us don't have that luxury! and for the well my child "might" be on the spectrum but still has to learn wrong from right!....remember not all children/people on the spectrum are the same, just because your child appears to be responding to your persistence, others dont have the understand to do this!

This thread isn't about 'kicking off'.

I think you are being a bit unreasonable to judge people when you know nothing of their circumstances but I do agree that treating a shop as a playground is unacceptable.
Today I took my 3 and 4 yr olds to a shop to buy some gardening stuff (seeds, compost, pots etc so they can grow some of their own plants), they were ridiculously overexcited and they hype each other up, ran about screeching and giggling, had you seen me in the short time we were in the shop you may have thought me a "crap, lazy parent". What I did though after two warnings was put everything back, leave the shop and take them back to the car, they were then told that a shop is not a playground, that other people don't want to hear their noise or nearly trip over them and that if they cannot behave appropriately then they won't be allowed to go into shops.
I then took them back in on the condition they walked next to me, they behaved beautifully and are really looking forward to planting their seeds tomorrow.
Sometimes you only see a tiny snapshot of someones life. I bet loads of people thought I was a shit parent the first time I was in the shop, second time most people probably didn't even notice my kids.

I bet there was loads of well behaved kids in Ikea too but you only noticed the few loud ones.

YABU. I must be very old for this thread as I was walking to school, going to the local shops and getting the bus to the dentist unsupervised from primary school age. No idea if I would have met with current behaviour standards. I think the difference was that during my childhood I was respected as a person in my own right. Adults and society had a more collective attitude towards responsibility for children rather than sitting in judgement the whole time.
However YANBU in reflecting that no-one young or old acts with much consideration for others any more.

With older children without SN fair enough but for babies and younger children who don't understand consequences yet it can be very difficult to get them to be quiet. It's not like you can gag them.

I sat on a train with my three yesterday. Two of them were sharing headphones listening to music on my phone. The other one looking out the window and chatting.

Next to us were two 20 something's drinking alcohol and listening to bouncy choons on their phone at pretty high volume.

Adults are far more annoying than most children.

My point is, it's not the kids. It's not the parents clearly with a lot to deal with who are trying. It's those few parents who do nothing at all. They either sit staring at their phone or chatting and just do not parent at all.

So, as a parent of children with additional needs, I give the benefit of the doubt usually and consider most people are trying their best. But if parents are sitting chatting in a restaurant whilst their children run riot and they do absolutely nothing to address that behaviour, then I'm going to judge.

I just assume the parent is having a crap day and is utterly exhausted at this point, and try to cut them some slack.

I mentally judge the people who make nasty comments and do the tutting, because there's really no excuse for that.

But, with the example of a restaurant, it's bloody dangerous to let kids run about. Is it better to ignore them and then have to deal with a child with hot food down them? I don't think so.

I totally get that some days parents are utterly exhausted. I really do.

Hmm. My DS has a problem with volume control. I have stuck to a simple rule - no loud voices/shouting/screeching indoors.(To include shops, GP surgeries, houses etc.) Outdoors, he can bellow as much as he likes. I thought it was a good solution (and it largely works). Guess I was wrong

Little children should be able to be rowdy in their own homes and gardens (at least at reasonable hours). After years of living in flats and trying to suppress my children's natural exuberance, I'm enjoying living in a detached house with a private garden. We're outside most afternoons after preschool with shouts and squeals; they are 4 and 2 and need to let off steam and have a good bellow! Fortunately our child free neighbors are at work all day so are not bothered.

That said, they are not allowed to shout and scream in restaurants, shops or waiting rooms. They are usually pretty good, perhaps because they can get it out of their systems at home!

I'd really love to know how you can tell which children have additional needs and which are NT?
And therefore which parents you feel you can Judge....

Because if three GP's 2 HV's a set of pre school teachers AND three years worth of school employees were not able to pick up my DD's SN, whilst she was acting out in a big way and spiralling out of control despite reasonable parenting and consistent boundarys, I'd be very,very impressed if YOU could tell the difference during a 10 minute encounter.

Frankly,I DNGAF what NT children do or don't do, what I DO care about is children/parents of children with SN feeling like shit because of assholes tutting at their parenting skills.

Children will be children but jeeeeeeez I can't abide that shrieking.
Also cant stAnd IKEA. Not the actually furniture that's gorgeous but it's so badly laid out. If there was a fire there people would have no chance. Due to it being so hard finding your wY around

You are right Mrs Frumble it is good to be able to make noise. We can't at ours so kids can never go in garden and we aren't allowed guests after 7pm even though we own our place.

You have my sympathy maninyellowhat, that sounds rubbish!

Do your neighbors know about your DD's ASD? What have they actually said about the noise?