to think many people let their children make way too much noise in public places?

[LilacWine7]

I really hate the sound of kids screeching and yelling and misbehaving. It shocks me how many parents seem to think this is normal and ignore it. For example, in IKEA last weekend I was trying to talk to a sales assistant and there were at least 10 kids running round shouting at tops of voices, squealing and climbing on furniture (including climbing up shelving units in full view of parents). AIBU to think IKEA is not a children's playground? By the time we left I had a splitting headache.
It's the same on public transport, in waiting-rooms, in queues, in supermarkets, in cafes, at the local zoo, even during lamb-feeding session at pets corner. (BTW I'm not talking about the odd tantrum I'm talking about parents wilfully ignoring the racket their kids make).

Last week I had an appointment at early pregnancy unit (for HG). The waiting room was full of women who looked just as ill as I felt and was located on the actual ward, so lots of ladies in bed right behind the wall. A couple came in with 3 boys age about 2, 3 and 5. The boys were shouting excitedly to each other, jumping on and off chairs, shouting across the room, and even ripped 2 posters off the wall. It went on for 40mins, until they were called in to see doctor. Parents told them to be quiet a few times then just ignored them. How is this acceptable parenting??

When I was a child we were taught to be respectful. We didn't scream and yell whenever we felt like it. The only places we were permitted to make as much noise as we wanted were in park, beach, playground or in the countryside. We had a big garden but were reminded to keep noise down so it didn't upset neighbours, and there was certainly no screeching indoors. My NDN's kids frequently scream and shout in garden for hours, spoiling the peace for anyone wanting to read or relax outside. Why are people so selfish?

Has society suddenly become noisier, are more children spoilt brats nowadays, or have I just become oversensitive?

Very good post Sazzle. I think some children do have to scream at their parents to get any attention. I very much agree that children who are past age 3 or so should be expected to behave in public and parents should be supporting them in that. Moderating your behaviour in public is indeed a very important life skill and if you're not starting early, then when are children supposed to magically start learning it?

checking in as my car is in garage at moment… so had to use bus which is a novelty to me but at least meant I could have more than one alcoholic drink!

SE London Kent town shopping centre street yesterday bouncy boys screeching and yelling and all over the place near bus stop, mum spoke to them and they calmed down and the main culprit (who took some time to calm down)… but she then gave a lecture to the older one (about 10/11?) about 'how when he had a job he could buy what he wanted etc…' nothing wrong with the bouncing around at all.

today 2 kids under 6 I'd guess on the bus with scooter end of the day, very well behaved… were tossing a soft toy around a bit on the bus at the back but mum spoke to them about what they were going to do when they got home, dinner time, what they could and couldn't do then, bath time, bake a cake etc….

so no screeching from parents or kids there in the above 2 situations there! Was on a big London common today in sunshine - kids happily playing, on scooters etc…. perfect angels so it seemed… so maybe the ones we do see are the exceptions to the rule and we notice them more!

Ikea is the 8th level of hell.

Many times I've been reduced to a tantruming todler in there and I'm ^^ a certain age

I once went to IKEA while hungover. Now THAT was the 8th circle of hell

Oh wow, people really are judgemental and intolerant aren't they. Newsflash: kids make noise, yes sometimes they scream, shout, run around. Most parents do try their best, but with the best will in the World some kids don't have the attention span to sit there for long.

I actually don't get annoyed if I hear kids kicking off, having tantrums etc, I just feel sorry for the mum as most of us have been there.

Strawberry I disagree. There's a huge difference between "kids being kids" and kids running amuck whilst their parents take it in turns to have a fag and arse around on their mobiles, oblivious or at least, uncaring about what their offspring are doing.

Strawberry the parents that don't give a damn stand out a mile. Yes kids make noise and scream and shout but they do have to have boundaries. Nobody expects children to be seen and not heard but they should also know they have to respect other people. children shouldn't be allowed to think the world revolves around them and their rights are paramount. Teaching them to respect other people isn't hard to do, I'm amazed that so many don't.

Strawberry - so ADULTS with autism, HSP or misophonia who can't bear loud noises are "judgemental & intolerant?"..... I think it's YOU who more closely fits the bill there...as you clearly know nothing about this.

FYI - misophonia is a condition which affects up to 20% of the population & for such people the sound of screeching children is torture, that can induce panic attacks, but that's just dandy-o because "kids will be kids" ??…. so we'll just have to suck it up whilst little Bratleigh goes apesh*t shall we?....

I don't "feel sorry" for parents because deciding to have kids was their choice & deciding how to parent them is also their choice..... being subjected to the high pitched squealing isn't my choice, but still I'm subjected to it?...…….. how is that fair?...

Yes kids do make noise but surely it's the job of a parent to teach them consideration, manners & how to be a decent human being - or maybe you think they suddenly magically acquire these essential life skills by osmosis?...

Parents who allow their children to behave exactly as they please are selfish, inconsiderate & profoundly entitled - and it is precisely this entitlement that is passed on to their children...…. and exactly why selfish & entitled behaviour is on the increase.

@LilyR2019

Why bump a thread that is FIVE YEARS OLD?

This is your first child I assume , no, I know it is.
Generally speaking if my children are being too loud in a situation that isn’t appropriate I remove them.
The thing is cognitively children are very different to adults so find it difficult to regulate their emotions and their noise levels etc which isn’t excusing them etc, it’s natural.
I have three dcs and they can absolutely get over excited in certain situations and it can be difficult to handle (one day you might be one of these people unless you stop at one ). Do you know people with a few kids? Some people with dcs let them run riot but if you have this idea that very small dcs can sit for hours in complete silence it’s rare. Also I think people like this are in the minority. Ikea is quite a big, open space. How do you want them to be?
Before I had kids I was was so judgy as well op but soon learned. A bit of it was fear as I knew I was going to be probably in the same zone in a few years times and I was in denial....

A certain amount of noise I don’t think you can avoid.
People like those two waiting room families described up thread really do need to get a grip.

Agree

yanbu

I think if you let your kids intrude upon others, you need to be prepared that they and you might get a less than tolerant reaction. Particularly if the little sods are playing hide and seek amongst other people's chairs and tables.

I know this is a zombie thread, but I'd quite like to know if OP opinions have changed now she is 5 years into motherhood?

YANBU, it seems the art of teaching children to use inside voices has died out a bit tbh.

I also hate the sound of the shrieking and even worse when parents seem to be amused by it. Its bad enough when they ignore it, but to actively encourage it really grinds my grump gears.

YABU. Children are young apes. Have you ever seen a nature documentary?! The issue is with society not being child-friendly, i.e. ageist. And ableist, as some children will have specific reasons (other than age) that they are unable to sit quietly, with or without entertainment. And sexist, as most single parents with the majority of care are women.

They may know perfectly well nothing is going to work to stop them bouncing around, so there is no point making even more of a scene and distressing everyone by shouting at them.

Haven’t RTFT but I agree, OP.
I have a nearly 3 year old. My attitude is that it is my job to teach him how to behave in social settings. He needs to learn early to be respectful of others when out and about and that being loud and boisterous is for certain areas/times only.

I have to say though - he is absolutely golden he ever we go out anywhere. I don’t for one minute think this is down to my parenting at all - think we were just really lucky

YANBU. Drives me mad.

YANBU

@KERALA1

Dh and I were at the local arts cinema recently. A group of adults probably 40ish talked through the film. Loudly. All the way through it. Dh at the beginning said "do you mind not talking" politely and they shut up for about 5 minutes. Then started up again. Really spoilt the experience I couldn't believe grown adults didn't know how to behave in a cinema. Depressing.

God, yes. It's only in the last 5 - 10 years. People my age, openly talking all the fucking way through. It's unbelievable. I can't go to the cinema anymore.

Re: kids - I always thought my sister was overly strict with her kids. "Please", "May I?", "Use your indoor voice". Until we went to a petting zoo. OMG, the animals were better behaved than some of the kids there! My niece and nephews are funny, boisterous kids, but they know how to behave in public because their parents have repeatedly guided them.

I think it's a case of you get judged if you are strict as the kids are "just playing", you get judged if you let them run riot, or you get judged if you give them a tablet to occupy them. You can't win.

My eldest son is usually well behaved in public and has been described by his teacher as a role model for other children, but his youngest brother who is one, is looking to be much more spirited and stubborn and I'm expecting monumental tantrums in the next year. They are both active kids, so sitting still is hard for them. My eldest does this well in public, but my youngest needs to toddle or you will certainly hear him protest.

We parent the same with both kids, it's just they have different personalities. We seem to think kids are blank slates from birth and any bad behaviour is from bad parenting, but kids can be problematic despite the best efforts of the parents. There is also the fact that you do have to sometimes ride out bad behaviour and ignore it when they are little, or you just end up encouraging bad behaviour. That means sometimes the general public have to witness it.

OP, is this your first? I hope all goes well, and I also hope you don't end up with one of those kids with a feisty personality or you may feel a bit in a year or two.

Argh, just saw how old this thread is.