to think many people let their children make way too much noise in public places?

[LilacWine7]

I really hate the sound of kids screeching and yelling and misbehaving. It shocks me how many parents seem to think this is normal and ignore it. For example, in IKEA last weekend I was trying to talk to a sales assistant and there were at least 10 kids running round shouting at tops of voices, squealing and climbing on furniture (including climbing up shelving units in full view of parents). AIBU to think IKEA is not a children's playground? By the time we left I had a splitting headache.
It's the same on public transport, in waiting-rooms, in queues, in supermarkets, in cafes, at the local zoo, even during lamb-feeding session at pets corner. (BTW I'm not talking about the odd tantrum I'm talking about parents wilfully ignoring the racket their kids make).

Last week I had an appointment at early pregnancy unit (for HG). The waiting room was full of women who looked just as ill as I felt and was located on the actual ward, so lots of ladies in bed right behind the wall. A couple came in with 3 boys age about 2, 3 and 5. The boys were shouting excitedly to each other, jumping on and off chairs, shouting across the room, and even ripped 2 posters off the wall. It went on for 40mins, until they were called in to see doctor. Parents told them to be quiet a few times then just ignored them. How is this acceptable parenting??

When I was a child we were taught to be respectful. We didn't scream and yell whenever we felt like it. The only places we were permitted to make as much noise as we wanted were in park, beach, playground or in the countryside. We had a big garden but were reminded to keep noise down so it didn't upset neighbours, and there was certainly no screeching indoors. My NDN's kids frequently scream and shout in garden for hours, spoiling the peace for anyone wanting to read or relax outside. Why are people so selfish?

Has society suddenly become noisier, are more children spoilt brats nowadays, or have I just become oversensitive?

Our parents never slapped us,we were well behaved - I was shy so no problems with me. Don't understand how the slap equates to 'good' parental technique - far from it I'd say, lazy and very unimaginative!

I agree in some respects but I think its equally freaky when children make no noise and are expected to sit there like perfect like adults. A little noise is surely acceptable but not letting them run riot and scream.

My dcs have SNs and struggle to stay still and quiet in places like shops, surgery waiting rooms, and so on. It's the main reason I haven't been able to attend church (as much as I would like to) in years because of this type of judgemental attitude the few times I've tried.

It's not like I can just "not go" anywhere and live like a hermit.

YANBU! I have 4 dc and would not accept this kind of behaviour from any of them. Fortunately my first 3 are fairly laid back anyway. DC 4 though, is a screamer but at aged nearly 4, shes learning and her outbursts are less.
It's not been easy ( she's possibly on the Spectrum too) but we've just had to keep going over what's good behaviour and what's not.
There are some situations still which can trigger anxiety etc but we try to keep those trips really short and sweet.

hazey yes, ds1 often makes repetitive noises that aren't loud, but get lots of tuts and mutters from other people.

Alice, I expect you do all you can to keep your kids engaged and all that (I know I did with mine). It's those parents sitting chatting, ignoring their kids' behaviour that are the problem, not those who have a battle on their hands with kids with additional needs.

Ds has asd and severe learning difficulties. I can't make him sit down for long and I can't stop him being noisy.

Youthecat - I have had people call mine the devil, me weak all kinds of names.

Bloody hell, I've never usually see anything like you're describing, although I live abroad.

The worst was in the UK in a pizza express about 8pm on a Friday night, for some reason we were the only table without a young child on it.

Table next to us had a baby, toddler and young kid. Baby was screaming constantly; fair enough this can't be helped but why not pick it up, walk it round or something. The toddler kept kicking my DH in the arse (we were sitting on a long cushioned bench shared between tables) parents said nothing my DH eventually glared at him and told him to stop which stopped him for about 5 minutes. The eldest decided to sit under the table shaking the leg which completely predictably eventually sent their ice cream sundae flying. No apologies to the waiter who had to clear the whole mess up.

I imagine eating out with 3 tired kids is a bit of nightmare but you could at least try to maintain control or just leave restaurants to they're older!

I've had all kinds in the past too. I managed to ignore the tutting. Tbh I got more helpful reactions (ds's behaviour had been at the very violent and severe end of the spectrum) than anything else.

The worst was from other kids though. Luckily ds was completely unaware.

Even if children don't have additional needs they are children and not mini adults. The fact is some people are over sensitive to noise, others are very narrow minded and attribute a child allowed to behave a bit more freely, with the label of 'naughty'. We all have to muddle along in this world whatever are stance. Some people are just highly intolerant, find fault with everything and 'children' seem to be really disliked, feared almost despite things probably being no different to the 'golden age' people harp on about!

Don't understand how the slap equates to 'good' parental technique - far from it I'd say, lazy and very unimaginative!

I didnt say it did, but its better than nothing at all. Some attempt to teach your children that they can't do whatever they like in public, is the point.

So what about running around in restaurants etc? Don't parents have a duty to ensure their children's safety?

Sometimes it isn't possible to limit the time spent in some places - waiting rooms for example. When ds was waiting for an op he kept getting filthy looks from a man in the waiting room, it was a long wait and ds was playing a game with us - sometimes he makes a a 'eeee eeee' sound when he is excited. This man came over and said, 'I think you'll find everyone in here would like you to keep the noise down' we asked the nurse on the desk if we could sit somewhere else, because it would be very difficult for ds to be as quiet as the man obviously wanted (one of the women in the room had said they didn't mind the noise)

After the op, ds was in a lot of distress coming round, screaming and crying, a breathing tube had had to be put in, and grazed his throat causing him to make a horrible raspy sound. The same man from the waiting room was in the large room communal room next to the small room they had found for ds. He went up to the desk and complained about us, it was bloody grim. Fortunately the nurses were very sympathetic.

YouTheCat Even with ds1 in his wheelchair, both children very obviously struggling with sensory stuff, and me doing everything I can to keep them in check, I still get nasty comments and tuts. It's maddening, it really is.

But I try to give other parents the benefit of the doubt. I've had ds1 in meltdowns so massive in the shop that it was impossible to move him, and I've literally had to just sit there with him and try to keep him safe and wait for him to calm enough to move him elsewhere.

And everyone has bad days, where they're just exhausted and barely coping. Perhaps the parent is having one of those.

Is there really a need to be so judgemental? It smacks so much of "I'm obviously a much better parent than you... I would never allow MY children to behave that way." (and some here have said exactly that)

Does it make you feel better about yourself to put those other parents down?

You those last paragraphs were not specifically to you, btw, but in response to some of the comments on the thread in general.

I do sometimes feel like I should get stickers for my kids just for people like you that make us feel shitty when we try to do normal stuff as a family.

Eldests can read "I HAVE ADHD/SPD/ASD& PDA"
Middles can read " I HAVE ASD"
Smallest a can read "IM A FUCKING BABY"

And mine can read "IF THIS IS ANNOYING FOR YOU,IMAGINE WHAT IT'S LIKE FOR THEM"

Hazeyjane, that sounds awful for you and DS.

I do realise I am becoming increasingly less tolerant of children's noise with age, but am also equally aware that this is my own shortcoming, so would never make a noisy child or their parent feel uncomfortable.

Silence the little swine's! They should not be allowed to mix with society until they are of an age where they are able to act like an adult!

Or, accept children make noise, you probably did make a lot of noise as a child but you were likely unaware of the affect you had on others around you. Some kids do tend to stay in their little 'bubble'.

I guess I just don't understand the angst and irritation over a few kids making noise. I'd rather listen to neighbour kids shouting in their garden than roadworks outside. I must live in a child tolerant place too as no one I know complains about it either.

Just can not get worked up about it. I see your OP and think they're kids!

But your complaint is less about noise and more about behaviour. YANBU in that respect, I certainly wouldn't allow my child to climb all over shop displays. Or run round the doctors surgery. But the places you name, except the zoo, are boring to kids. Not every child will meekly and dutifully follow their parents around a supermarket late afternoon if they had already been subjected to silence in the doctors and sitting still for 2 hours at a cafe. Or am I just extremely tolerant?

People in rl are not always nice. People say smack them, hit them, it wasn't like this in the past etc.

I have to laugh though (in a slightly bitter way), as the easiest method of keeping the dcs still and quiet is to:

1- give them a screen of some sort (and we've all the seen the threads about "those lazy parents, don't even make their children interact at the table, how awful they're on screens" )

2- give them food (yep, if absolutely necessary in the supermarket, I will do this, but always something that is not paid for by weight, and I pay for it when we are done... and we've all seen THOSE threads)

3- by talking to them nonstop to try to distract them from whatever is upsetting them (aaandddd we've all seen the "loud parenting" threads as well, haven't we?)

Doesn't really matter what I do, does it? Someone will judge me anyway.

My favourite is I was told I was weak, disgraceful mess as dc was screaming tantrum very loud. I said when they are like this they are very strong so I am just going to stay here and let it pass (I was in a side road away from shops). They then tried to do it for me failed, and told me I had brought it all on myself.

*tried to get them in buggy

Alice I think I love you.

Yes. To everything Alice has posted.