to think many people let their children make way too much noise in public places?

[LilacWine7]

I really hate the sound of kids screeching and yelling and misbehaving. It shocks me how many parents seem to think this is normal and ignore it. For example, in IKEA last weekend I was trying to talk to a sales assistant and there were at least 10 kids running round shouting at tops of voices, squealing and climbing on furniture (including climbing up shelving units in full view of parents). AIBU to think IKEA is not a children's playground? By the time we left I had a splitting headache.
It's the same on public transport, in waiting-rooms, in queues, in supermarkets, in cafes, at the local zoo, even during lamb-feeding session at pets corner. (BTW I'm not talking about the odd tantrum I'm talking about parents wilfully ignoring the racket their kids make).

Last week I had an appointment at early pregnancy unit (for HG). The waiting room was full of women who looked just as ill as I felt and was located on the actual ward, so lots of ladies in bed right behind the wall. A couple came in with 3 boys age about 2, 3 and 5. The boys were shouting excitedly to each other, jumping on and off chairs, shouting across the room, and even ripped 2 posters off the wall. It went on for 40mins, until they were called in to see doctor. Parents told them to be quiet a few times then just ignored them. How is this acceptable parenting??

When I was a child we were taught to be respectful. We didn't scream and yell whenever we felt like it. The only places we were permitted to make as much noise as we wanted were in park, beach, playground or in the countryside. We had a big garden but were reminded to keep noise down so it didn't upset neighbours, and there was certainly no screeching indoors. My NDN's kids frequently scream and shout in garden for hours, spoiling the peace for anyone wanting to read or relax outside. Why are people so selfish?

Has society suddenly become noisier, are more children spoilt brats nowadays, or have I just become oversensitive?

Dh and I were at the local arts cinema recently. A group of adults probably 40ish talked through the film. Loudly. All the way through it. Dh at the beginning said "do you mind not talking" politely and they shut up for about 5 minutes. Then started up again. Really spoilt the experience I couldn't believe grown adults didn't know how to behave in a cinema. Depressing.

I've been out for a meal. Family sitting next to us, engaging with their kids, sitting down and eating their meals together. No drama. No running about. chatting like people do. No problem.

Went to the pub after. Not really a family orientated place but a few families in. Small kids getting a bit bored. Parents engage the kids, take them for a walk about and again no problem. Lovely families having some time out.

I really must be a child hating monster.

Ohtheholidays
Can I echo singsong above and say you sound like an amazing parent dealing with more than your fair share of horrendous challenges. Your children are very lucky, for however long they have you, you are teaching them to be good people and that sort of upbringing is irreplaceable.

YoutheCat - oh, you bad person, you =p

I just hate seeing families having a good time.

Of Hairy's list of bad behaviours witnessed by posters the only one that I think is ok and would not discipline my DC for is shrieking in the back garden. It's their own back garden and they can screech in there if they want to in my view.

However some of the running around in GPs waiting rooms and cafes I may not intend to happen and would try to prevent but I can see how it could happen. I have on occasion had to take DC to health appts where I was pretty ill and I struggled to control them (no option to leave with someone else). Or I have taken them to a restaurant or supermarket and realised that in hindsight it was a bad idea but had already ordered or got half the shopping.

Haven't we all had moments where it doesn't go to plan or is it just me? There was a moment in M&S where I had taken DD aged about 2 to do last minute Christmas shopping. She was bored in the buggy and starting to shout so I let her out. She ran away and was darting among all the displays and shoppers legs bumping into people and knocking things over and I literally couldn't catch her. She had never done it before so I was not prepared. Many people tutted and judged 'that's why they make reins' was a comment I recall. No-one helped. I wanted the ground to open up.

Most of the time my DC are well behaved and I attempt to parent them responsibly. Just sometimes it doesn't work out, you make a bad call, you have a crap day for whatever reason. It's all a learning curve. I really do not find myself so irritated by other parents failing sometimes in everyday scenarios. If it is tea at the Ritz a bit higher standard is called for but a half term trip to the dentist I would just think cut them some slack.

Ohtheholidays, I agree - you sound like a great parent. Luck doesn't come into it - you obviously work hard to manage your children's behaviour. I'm so sorry that things are incredibly tough for you.

It really hacks me off when people say that children are different or some are tougher to manage than others. So what?! What's the answer - find a way to manage their behaviour or just throw your hands in the air and say they're just too 'different' to be parented properly?

I think you have to accept that some children are never going to have the same standards of behaviour/ conform to social norms because of the level of their difficulties.

lottapianos - some children are more difficult to manage than others! Even teachers with lots of training will have some children who behave beautifully and some how are a nightmare - would you say that was poor teaching?

My kids have EDS, with that comes a mix of issues including difficulties with sensory input and proprioception. This means my daughter bounces constantly - she actually can't help it and no amount of parenting is changing it (she could bounce along a wall on her own at 18 months!). My son taps walls as he walks so in shops this becomes him tapping the shelves (and items) as he goes along. Believe me people see these behaviours as naughty children, I can tell from the tuts etc when we are out. I could make my children t-shirts that explain their issues but tbh I shouldn't have to. People shouldn't judge and should generally assume parents are doing their best.

The crappy parents you see on their phones may be messaging their partners to find out when they are home, or their sick parents to check they are doing ok. The parents shouting at their kids or making empty threats may be exhausted from juggling too much with little support. They may just be poor parents because they have no strong role models in their life to guide them.

Its so easy to sit and judge without knowing someones situation. I honestly believe most people are trying their best.

Eg. How do you stop a child with the understanding of a baby, from shrieking?

Some kids are just noisier than others no matter how much you try to Parent it out of them, just as some are whinier (dd, I love you dearly but fuck me you don't half go on! ). I would be, and have been, mortified by my dcs on a regular basis. Thank heaven for home shopping so I can limit the general publics exposure to my crap parenting their appalling behavior.

Zazzie, you can't. And I would like to think that a that this kind of situation would be evident even to the most self absorbed spectator. Given my hatred of "noise", I'd be out like a shot; the distinction being that i don't judge, just don't judge me for not being able to stand be noise and removing myself in a friendly, neutral and polite manner.

It would be beyond cruel to judge and make comments on this type of thing.

*the noise, wow my typing got a little out of control then!

And by "this kind of thing" I mean, it would be terrible to stand in judgement against a disabled child or adult who couldn't help themselves and their noise. Such attitudes towards the disabled belong in the past.

Blimey - by some of the judging on here, I clearly have the worst kids.

By which I mean- I have perfectly normal kids. A four yo ds who runs in tesco. A 19mo dd who decides she's bored by the bread aisle (that's 10%of the entire shopping trip, you know this for yourselves folks) so should I leave the shop?

I couldn't agree more. I think children should be able to be out with their parents but behaving respectfully and if not should be told that that is not ok. Children causing upset to other people in a public place (other adults or children) is not acceptable. YANBU

You must hang around some real shitholes, OP, because I've taken the boys all over the place, visiting various towns, cities and other locations in the Northeast, by public transport and by car, over the Easter holidays, and haven't seen kids running around shrieking, anywhere. I don't deny that they happen. There were a couple on a bus just before Christmas. That was over 4 months ago.

seen but not heard

Yes folks, everyone here is from the 1800s. Or has perfect children.

Could you direct me to the perfectly behaved at all times classes please? Clearly I'm doing something wrong.

Ouryve, kids in the NE know how to behave though. not being at all inflammatory or biased towards the North East or anything .

Its so easy to sit and judge without knowing someones situation. I honestly believe most people are trying their best. I think so too but the problem lies with the many who certainly don't try their best. I don't call sitting in a pub or a park letting your kids run round causing mayhem, while you're sat there drinking and chatting to your mates trying your best. You spot the difference in good parents straight away, they are the ones who are watching what their kids are doing and will intervene if they see them upsetting other kids. It's the ones who dont who cause all the problems.

It is parents like the mum I used to know who took her kids to school by bus everyday. The kids would run up and down screeching , climbing over seats, and at times kicking passéngers. The mum largely ignored them. Of course the kids will suffer as who wants kids like that over for a play date.

YANBU. This sort of thing really annoys me, kids running around, screeching etc at shops. It's inconsiderate and bloody irritating.

All my 4 year olds would have run around in Tescos too given the chance. So I'd put them in the trolley/ shop when they were at playgroup etc. Why should others have to steer around kids running around the place? It puts the kids at risk of being hit by trolleys and is generally just a nuisance. There are places suitable for scooters/ running around etc and places that aren't.

I have 3 ds'. I actively parent them all. I get compliments when I'm out with ds1 and ds3 about what lovely wellbehaved children they are.

When I'm out with ds2 I've had eye rolling, tutting and unpleasant comments. I had to take him to the drs in November for his flu jab. He was screaming and fighting me to get away. We waited in the entrance away from the waiting room. But he could still be heard and it must have been awful for anyone near. But, it was worse for me and even worse for my poor distressed 5 year old with autism.

If people make exceptions for children with disabilities, why do I get all those comments when I'm out with ds2? I'm just as good a parent to him as I am to ds1 and ds3.

Tomorrow ds2 will be at his sn school in respite care so dh and I can take ds1 on a day trip. We find going out as a family together impossible because an uninformed minority are rude about my son. It makes me so, so sad we can't be together.

I salute you grapeeatingweirdo as you have it spot on.

YANBU , screechy, high pitched children are like nails down a blackboard. And the shouting of every conversation when they are stood right next to the parent they are talking too is weird. Why do you need to shout/screech every comment, request etc when your parent is right next to you ? They arent deaf, or is that it, maybe they do ignore a lot and the shouting is children's logical response, ie. if i shout i wont be ignored?

Children can be noisy , yes , its normal - and totally fine in playgrounds, parks, at home where they are not infringing on others ie. where you expect letting off steam behaviour. But in a tube carriage or in a shop/cafe its just to me, inconsiderate. Once toddler hood is over, learning to consider others and what behaviour is appropriate where is a life skill that seems dismissed nowadays.