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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to compare being a parent who smokes to a parent on heroin

213 replies

candidkate · 08/04/2015 13:53

My friend smokes, she has a DD, she was talking about Peaches Geldof and how selfish she was for being on heroin and thus overdosing in an (alleged) suicide attempt.

I then said (nicely I promise) lets not judge other moms especially celebs who we know nothing about. Substance abuse is a huge demon and considering the fact that you have a fag attached to your hand 80% of the time I'm sure you can relate to having a demon and still loving your kids!

She then said "How can you compare" the two

I said that drug use has a much uglier face than fags but fags kill way more people every year and in proportion to heroin usage probably just as many as its users. I also pointed out that just because she smokes her death stick in a nice zara coat and some drug addicts are homeless and scruffy doesn't mean one is more acceptable as a parent than the other. Both puts your child and yourself at risk. Both are slowly killing you.

Now bare in mind I am fully aware that people will prostitute themselves and be in and out of prison for drugs. I am aware of the horrid social aspect that comes with it....but this was relevant to the argument as we were speaking about peaces geldof who i doubt pimped her kids and took them to crack houses and let them starve.

So the main focus on the argument was health. In that regards I stand by what i said ..... health wise...can a parent puffing away really judge a parent snorting a few lines / shooting up?

In my view...smoking just kills you slower than smack and is legal.

OP posts:
PlentyOfPubeGardens · 08/04/2015 16:24

Worra - With regards to the orphaned children, most of the people I know who have died from lung cancer left adult offspring behind, whereas those I've known to die from hard drugs, have left much younger ones behind - therefore actually orphaning them.

Yes - smoking-related cancers, COPD, cardiovascular disease - these all overwhelmingly occur in later life.

WorraLiberty · 08/04/2015 16:25

I don't think I've ever heard a smoker ask for 20 death sticks in a shop before? Either way, I agree that being an addict doesn't necessarily make someone a bad parent.

But the 'orphaned' thing, is that a real fact or just your opinion stated as fact?

MNpostingbot · 08/04/2015 16:25

My moneys on nigella, same part of London, the queen didn't do the school run as far as I'm aware.

MNpostingbot · 08/04/2015 16:28

Candid, for what it's worth, I think you are holding your own well here. At least you've stuck around to debate it, you're wrong imo, but that what forums are supposed to be, exchange and debate of opinions.

Don't go doing the cliched "I'm leaving this thread because you are all so horrible"

WhirlyTwos · 08/04/2015 16:30

Zara is nice?

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 08/04/2015 16:30

the queen didn't do the school run as far as I'm aware.

Shock What a bastard shit mum, crack addict or not!

MyArksNotReady · 08/04/2015 16:36

Welcome to mn where things will be taken out of context and projections of other posters, will forever more in myth be a tribute to you.

That snorting celeb has raised my interest.

maddening · 08/04/2015 16:38

Smoking as you agree does not make you a bad parent. heroin however does so as you used parenting as part of your argument in the op it is fair to say Yabu as Your op says that you pointed that one does not make a person a worse parent than the other which is not true - it is not possible to parent as a heroin addict while it is as a smoker. As well as the lifestyle issues not being ideal for raising babies and small children there is the emotional trauma of the child, potential dangers - eg friend of a friend was unconscious on heroin with her 2-3yo dd who discovered her methadone bottle drank it and died. Danger from inappropriate relationships with less than savoury friends etc . Anyone who makes it to adulthood in tact from such a background deserves a medal.

Alcoholics and anyone suffering from abuse or addiction to any mind altering drug generally will struggle to be the parents they should be - nor the parents they would be if they didn't suffer addiction.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 08/04/2015 16:39

If we try to guess who the Colombian marching powder Celeb is are we on dodgy ground?Wink

Sallystyle · 08/04/2015 16:40

I think I understand what you are saying OP.

Aren't you just saying that it is silly to judge an addict when you yourself are an addict and know the hardships of giving up your drug of choice? And from a purely health aspect smokers are risking dying of their addiction and leaving their kids behind just like heroin addicts are? and it is a bit hypocritical to run down heroin addicts when you yourself have an addiction that could kill you at a young age?

If that is it then YANBU entirely. Although heroin would most likely kill someone much quicker and at a younger age than smoking would. But yes, I think it is quite hypocritical to judge those with an addiction when you have one you haven't managed to beat yourself.

Original poster
candidkate · 08/04/2015 16:43

Ginmartini Not at all what a weird thing to assume, I don't have facebook. It's a bit horrid when people read something completely different to what you wrote and attack you calling you dumb/an asshole/ a bitch/bad friend/piece of shit etc etc etc. Funny how people who think IBU can be keyboard warriors and sprout verbal abuse but when I respond I rant. It's called being able to type.

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 08/04/2015 16:48

This thread is a glaring example of an op not being as clever as the poster thinks it is and it backfiring.

As an aside, I think heroin users are quite capable of living past 35 and behaving just like everybody else, if they're smoking the substance. Injecting it is where the problems really start.

Original poster
candidkate · 08/04/2015 16:50

maddening But my argument is that this is due to stereotyping ..... Some people have been honest on this thread and have shared their experience with parents with addiction. I've grown up around addicts my whole life some were lowlifes some you'd never have guessed until they came clean and asked for help.

OP posts:
Original poster
candidkate · 08/04/2015 16:53

Alisvolatpropiis Get a life i never posted because I think I'm clever I'm just shocked at the amount of people misreading misquoting and fabricating a post that doesn't exist that's all I can take people thinking IBU im not a child I just don't like it when people such as yourself make personal jabs because you think I am being unreasonable. Can't you just say YABU and state your opinion without the weird harsh name calling?

OP posts:
Original poster
candidkate · 08/04/2015 16:57

Thanks U2TheEdge and I think the OP made that super super clear. Who is my friend to judge and say such horrid things against people plagued with addiction when she suffers from her own form of addiction which would give her cancer thus taking her away from her kids? Why is peaches more selfish than she is for having her own addiction? People keep on bringing up ages....I've got 3 friends who have lost one parent below the ages of 15 due to lung cancer. It does orphan children and it does destroy families. Everyone deserves empathy.

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 08/04/2015 16:57

OP, do you not think its possible, even very remotely, that you have worded your posts very badly? Given nearly the entire thread has reacted the same.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 08/04/2015 16:57

Worra
I used to have a friend who referred to cigarettes as "cancer sticks" as in
"I'm just popping out to have a cancer stick" so its not impossible that her friend refers to them as "death sticks".

expatinscotland · 08/04/2015 16:57

'PlentyOfPubeGardens Please stick to the OP you cannot copy and paste my words away from the context in which they were written in response to peoples comments sorry not fair and doesnt make sense. '

Who died and left you Thread Police?

GahBuggerit · 08/04/2015 17:01

I dont think empathy means calling people lowlifes, refering to their addiction as "death-whatever", call them a smackhead, sneer at their missing teeth, say they are a bad parent because they are on a nebulizer.

Alisvolatpropiis · 08/04/2015 17:02

My mistake, it's just that's very much how your subsequent posts have made it look.

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 08/04/2015 17:03

It's a bit horrid when people read something completely different to what you wrote and attack you calling you dumb/an asshole/ a bitch/bad friend/piece of shit etc etc etc.

I think any of these with the possible exception of 'bad friend' would be deletion-worthy so do report them if you can find them. I must have missed them.

keepsmiling2015 · 08/04/2015 17:03

You can't be a good active parent of you're in a wheelchair. Oh dear....

Original poster
candidkate · 08/04/2015 17:04

GahBuggerit referring to this things and sneering at them are very different to be honest. Some drug addicts do have missing teeth - i was comparing them to people who may not visually look like an addict and thus are more socially accepted. Here we go again with the fabrication of words.

OP posts:
GahBuggerit · 08/04/2015 17:04

Oh dear, yes OP did say that didnt she? Sad

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 08/04/2015 17:05

I've got missing teeth but I smoked mine out.