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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp's ex has cried over these easter dates to bag herself some free childcare?

237 replies

rhonddagirl · 04/04/2015 21:47

They have been split for a year but he does loads for her- most of before and after school care of their 2 dds, plus part of the weekends. He was due to have them over the Easter weekend, from today til Tuesday so she could work from home (she's a teacher) but he has been offered some work so can't do it - or so I thought. He is self-employed so no work, no pay.

Anyway, he went to see her this am to tell her he could only have them until Monday morning (his dm was available til then) and she has had a meltdown - can't cope unless he has them til Tuesday. So he has caved and the job is off Angry.

AIBU to think this is a piss-take and she is using him?

OP posts:
msgrinch · 04/04/2015 21:48

She may be unreasonable but it's a bit short notice to change plans.

LadyCassandra · 04/04/2015 21:50

It's irrelevant if she is unressonable. Your DP made arrangements and changed them at last minute. She probably made plans herself.

26Point2Miles · 04/04/2015 21:51

Er.... He 'does loads for her'?? What, like being a parent to their kids? How much does she do 'for him' then? Hmm

MissMuesli · 04/04/2015 21:51

I think YABU. That's not much notice at all for anyone really. Could you look after the children? Then your OH can work? Although that's obviously dependent on how your family dynamics are

LadyCassandra · 04/04/2015 21:52

And he doesn't do loads for her, he does it for their children

coppertop · 04/04/2015 21:52

Why is looking after his own children 'doing loads for her'? Confused

Your dp is the one who tried to change a pre-existing arrangement at the last minute. The ex isn't being unreasonable to object.

MangoJuggler · 04/04/2015 21:53

V short notice, unreasonably so.

Why could you not have stepped in for the Tuesday? Job would have been on then.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 04/04/2015 21:53

That's really really short notice OP, she might have an absolute load of work to get done, alright it's nor extra money but she has to get it done.

He shouldn't have taken the job without checking she could have the children first, and I would have been annoyed too.

EquinoxEclipse · 04/04/2015 21:54

No, HIBU. It was his weekend, and therefore his responsibility to find alternative childcare when he chose to accept the work.

hesterton · 04/04/2015 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pippa12 · 04/04/2015 21:56

If I was you I'd stay well out of there parenting arrangements- it's exclusively between them. It will end in tears for you- without doubt!

BunnyCake · 04/04/2015 21:57

Presumably she needs the time to do schoolwork because the rest of the holidays she is looking after the kids. Teachers are under a lot of stress from what I can gather so it's right that ge doesn't let her down over childcare.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 21:57

Also "free childcare" they're his children!!! Oh people like you make my blood boil. Free childcare. Shock

hesterton · 04/04/2015 21:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coolaschmoola · 04/04/2015 22:00

You shouldn't be with a man with children. Fucking 'childcare' Angry.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 22:03

They've only been split up a year as well! Now this charmer is getting involved Angry

TheWhiteRoad · 04/04/2015 22:04

'Childcare'? Looking after this own children is not fucking 'childcare'. It's called being a parent.

I think YOU are taking the piss if you think this is unreasonable.

Perhaps you shouldn't be dating a man who has kids?

PtolemysNeedle · 04/04/2015 22:05

She is not at all unreasonable. You on the other hand sound like you're batshit crazy.

Your partner is a father, he is not doing anything for his ex when he cares for his children, he's doing it because that's what good parents do. He should never have tried to change the plan this last minute, and his job is no more important than his ex's.

onholidaybymistake · 04/04/2015 22:07

YABU - it is him that has agreed plans and is trying to change them last minute.

What are we constantly being told by the father's rights crowd? That men should have 50-50. Is this only when it suits them? And it's not childcare or 'helping her out' when it's his own children.

AnnieMoor · 04/04/2015 22:07

You are BU, they are his children too.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/04/2015 22:08

HE was the one wanting to change the dates, at the last minute.
Dates when HE had agreed to look after HIS children. (ie not doing his ex some sort of favour, as you see it).It does not matter one jot what her reasons are for not wanting to have the kids on that day, it is HIS job to sort it, and as a priority, ie BEFORE agreeing to work.

Tell us, is it him or you that's trying to make this into HER fault?

monkeysaymoo · 04/04/2015 22:08

He shouldn't have accepted the job if he was already meant to be having his dc.

TBH it's none of your business and you're not helping him or his dd's by trying to stir things up

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 22:09

awaits massive (lie) drip feed about him having them most of the time and their mother being useless. Standard for these "jealous new partner threads.

PinkSquash · 04/04/2015 22:09

YABU.

Original poster
rhonddagirl · 04/04/2015 22:10

I have kids too so I know what it's like - my ex is totally unreliable. Dp has walked away from their marriage with nothing as he felt guilty and nothing is official so not his 'access'. I have only met his dds a couple of times as we are taking it slowly, otherwise I would probably step in. Seems like she only has to turn on the tears and our plans change - not the first time...

OP posts: