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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp's ex has cried over these easter dates to bag herself some free childcare?

237 replies

rhonddagirl · 04/04/2015 21:47

They have been split for a year but he does loads for her- most of before and after school care of their 2 dds, plus part of the weekends. He was due to have them over the Easter weekend, from today til Tuesday so she could work from home (she's a teacher) but he has been offered some work so can't do it - or so I thought. He is self-employed so no work, no pay.

Anyway, he went to see her this am to tell her he could only have them until Monday morning (his dm was available til then) and she has had a meltdown - can't cope unless he has them til Tuesday. So he has caved and the job is off Angry.

AIBU to think this is a piss-take and she is using him?

OP posts:
chopinbabe · 04/04/2015 23:07

Why are you struggling? Surely you haven't moved in with him when he has only been parted from his wife for less than a year and with you for less than six months.

26Point2Miles · 04/04/2015 23:08

How do you know it's a sock?

DejaVuAllOverAgain · 04/04/2015 23:09

YABVVU He can still work. He just needs to find childcare that doesn't involve his ex.

BunnyFint · 04/04/2015 23:10

Feck me. You have been together six months, six piddling months. He changed plans, the ex didn't. Crikey, yabsoooooofu! There's an unreasonable line and you, quite frankly have done a Jonathon Edwards and the line is now so very far behind you.

It's not rocket science. They are his children. Childcare! Give your head a vigorous wobble, wind your neck in and if that doesn't make you see sense to butt the feck out, I suggest you pay a visit to your nearest DIY store, on arrival, find the nearest member of staff and ask for the biggest grip they sell.

Childcare! Are you for real?

BunnyFint · 04/04/2015 23:11

Flowers for Party.

PartyConfused · 04/04/2015 23:11

I am properly freaked out because everything the OP has said is scarily familiar. My stbx is a compulsive liar and if the OP is HER then it has made my bloody day that he is spinning her the same shit that I have listened to the past couple of years.

Poker if it is her, i doubt there will be more dc. They both had a conversation in front of me and HER dd (and our baby) that they were both talked into having dc. And that they didn't want more. This was after our dd has fought for her life for 2 mths and was recently out of hospital. They both were having their affair at the time.

Happy Easter, OP. I hope you've both those poor girls eggs.

TendonQueen · 04/04/2015 23:14

I'm commenting on one aspect of this only. People seem to imagine that a teacher's workload can be conveniently moved around, squashed into evenings etc. This is why so many teachers are struggling with ridiculous workloads. Other people's work somehow seems sacrosanct in comparison. Your partner, OP, could have said 'Sorry, I've got my children until Tuesday but I can start straight away after that' - it's already Easter weekend so there should be a decent chance that they'd go with that arrangement, if for no other reason because they'd have few other options, surely. But instead it's the children and the other parent - and her work - that are expected to give.

IHateStampysVoice · 04/04/2015 23:14

Are you a teacher party?

justonemoretime2p · 04/04/2015 23:16

YOU HAVE BEEN TOGETHER 6 MONTHS? His relationship with her as the mother of his child is absolutely none of your business, I have farted for longer than 6 months.
Worry less about her and more about you, as a self employed man he can take care of his business AND his child. You can't complain about anything to do with any of that.
You should seriously consider being with him if his "baggage" causes you so much stress.

PartyConfused · 04/04/2015 23:19

Yes! And i sooooo want to give more details but am scared of outing myself (because I have noticed colleagues are mnetters).

He is self employed. Part time. He has another job the other 'half' of the time.

OW has recently been 'employed' by him.

PartyConfused · 04/04/2015 23:21

I don't know whether I want this to be her or not! Very very surreal...

Chipsahoythere · 04/04/2015 23:22

msgrinch

Oh party. If this is the ow I hope she gets all she deserves and herpes.

Nice....really clever.... Hmm

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 04/04/2015 23:28

I'm really smirking at 'I have farted for longer than 6 months'

BeautifulPain · 04/04/2015 23:29

Oh dear I think the op has been rumbled by Party Shock

Op you do know YABU don't you.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 23:30

chips

take a joke Grin

Chipsahoythere · 04/04/2015 23:35

Sorry if you think I'm miserable but having herpes shouldn't really be used as an insult, it really pisses me off.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 23:37

Sorry for offending you.

Fanfeckintastic · 04/04/2015 23:42

Party
WineFlowers

If they're having this much trouble "six months in" imagine what the next few years will bring.

cruikshank · 04/04/2015 23:50

Well, quite, Fan.

'Oh no, my boyfriend has children and that means he can't do entirely as he wants and neither can I. How shit is that? Life is so unfair.'

This will not end well.

Thanks Party

BunnyCake · 04/04/2015 23:53

26point. I don't know but I reckon it is. Sure seemed like it.

26Point2Miles · 04/04/2015 23:57

I don't know either. Odd tho.

I don't think this is the OW party

You mention your baby, op mentions school age dc

lunar1 · 05/04/2015 00:01

How can you not see that the ex didn't change anything here?

You are way too involved at this stage his children and finances should be none of your business. I can't believe you think being a dad is merely a favour to the ex. I think you'll find it's actually called parenting.

AGirlCalledBoB · 05/04/2015 00:14

God it annoys me when people say free childcare. It's not bloody childcare if it's a dad!!!

And he gave her really short notice, he should have told work, no he can't work because he has his kids or found childcare just like mothers have to do all the time!

passmethewineplease · 05/04/2015 00:19

he does lots for her

What like being a father to his children?

Oh and it's not called childcare when it's your own child. Jesus.

You and your DP are BU.

CheerfulYank · 05/04/2015 02:21

Ughhh. Hugs, Party.

I don't know if the OP is Party's ex's OW or now, but either way YABU.

How long were they together? I've been with DH for 11 years or so now, married for over eight. If something happened and we got a divorce, I can guaran-damn-tee you I'd be in tears over negotiations. Who wants that, to break up with their husband or partner and have to deal with splitting holidays, etc? I would hate that!