Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think dp's ex has cried over these easter dates to bag herself some free childcare?

237 replies

rhonddagirl · 04/04/2015 21:47

They have been split for a year but he does loads for her- most of before and after school care of their 2 dds, plus part of the weekends. He was due to have them over the Easter weekend, from today til Tuesday so she could work from home (she's a teacher) but he has been offered some work so can't do it - or so I thought. He is self-employed so no work, no pay.

Anyway, he went to see her this am to tell her he could only have them until Monday morning (his dm was available til then) and she has had a meltdown - can't cope unless he has them til Tuesday. So he has caved and the job is off Angry.

AIBU to think this is a piss-take and she is using him?

OP posts:
Fanfeckintastic · 04/04/2015 22:11

What's it got to do with you?

gamerchick · 04/04/2015 22:11

Howay man OP, nowt like lighting the touch paper Grin

You're going to have to let him get on with it with minimal complaining.

TyrannosaurusBex · 04/04/2015 22:12

YABU. So is your DH. He tried to renege on a deal regarding his own children. What a guy.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 22:12

It is his access because they're his fucking kids! He made plans with them and his ex. He chose to change them. You need to take it a damn lot slower as they've only been split a year. You've already met his kids Shock Confused . Back off and suck it up buttercup.

Fanfeckintastic · 04/04/2015 22:12

Sounds like you're jealous that she chose you have children with a reliable, good father and you didn't.

MangoJuggler · 04/04/2015 22:13

Why does your boyfriend feel guilty?

monkeysaymoo · 04/04/2015 22:13

well like you say you have only been together a short time so you really haven't earned the right to an opinion on the matter.

I take it you haven't met her? You only have one side of the story

onholidaybymistake · 04/04/2015 22:13

No, OP - he was due for contact this weekend. Then tried to take on work. It was he who tried to change her plans - so she's every right to be upset.

DragonsDontFly · 04/04/2015 22:13

But tears or not it was your DP changing the plans... Not his ex.

sliceofsoup · 04/04/2015 22:13

nothing is official so not his 'access'.

I would say that parental responsibility is pretty fucking official.

You know, him being their FATHER and all?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/04/2015 22:14

do your kids live with you? do you see looking after them as "doing favours for your exP?" who's having them on Tuesday, out of interest.

treeshine · 04/04/2015 22:15

YABU and ridiculous!!! They are his children... It is not called childcare - it is called parenting.

PtolemysNeedle · 04/04/2015 22:15

What do you mean 'our plans change'.

His plan was to have his children until Tuesday, you already said that. You're the one who tried to change the plan, and it sounds like you didn't get your own way because your boyfriend realised it wasn't fair to let the mother of his children down last minute.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/04/2015 22:16

She has every right to be upset and angry with him. He showed her no respect, no consideration, just assumed he could waltz in and change the plans without a thought for what she may have already organised for her time. How unreliable is he?

wannabestressfree · 04/04/2015 22:16

Your plans haven't changed though, he was offered work and it was his weekend to have his children so he is unavailable to do it. It doesn't have to be 'official access' if they make an arrangement between them. This smacks of the green eye. Your ex is useless and unreliable so why isn't your new man. Sounds like he values his relationship with his children which should be applauded not moaned about....

KeturahLee · 04/04/2015 22:17

It was his time to look after his children. The mum is working. If he wanted to work he needed to sort childcare, not just try to get his ex to bail him out.

BitchPeas · 04/04/2015 22:18

God you sound vile. They are his children. He is not providing free childcare. He is parenting his children!
It's ridiculously short notice for him to change plans. I would've cried too! She is entitled to a life just as much as he is. Tough shit if he loses money his commitment to his kids come first.

I struggle to believe people like you are real.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 22:18

'our plans change"

Thought he was working or having his kids? wasn't the reason he wanted to drop them back early, work?

Midori1999 · 04/04/2015 22:19

I'm sorry OP, but YABU. What he walked away from the marriage with or what 'official' access there is is irrelevant. He has a responsibility to his children and if he has said he should have them then he should. Of course, if he's offered work at late notice then he can ask his ex to change the arrangements, but it's really up to her whether she can and vice versa.

However, as you mention your plans changing, is this really about him turning down a job (and presumably you don't live together?) or about I I not liking him spending time with his DC instead of you?

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/04/2015 22:19

my ex is totally unreliable

but it's OK for DP to be unreliable towards his ex?

PartyConfused · 04/04/2015 22:20

OP-are you in the midlands? This post could be me as the ex.

If it is. You are the OW and the twat you have hooked up with is lying out his arse.

You will get used to it.

HTH

ivykaty44 · 04/04/2015 22:21

Why is you dp doing loads of childcare for his ex, this is strange why does he look after her children?

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 22:22

Oh party. If this is the ow I hope she gets all she deserves and herpes. Smile

CalleighDoodle · 04/04/2015 22:22

waiting for next drip feed of they have been together more than a year

Original poster
rhonddagirl · 04/04/2015 22:23

He is trying to rebuild his reputation after putting his work on the back-burner while she concentrated on her career. She is sitting pretty financially while he/we are struggling. But that is ok? She could do her wok I the evenings like other teachers I know, and he has said he will have them when he can when the job finishes (well , it won't even start now...) but it's not enough.

I get that he is responsible for his kids, but he needs to earn a living too - he helps her earn her's.

OP posts: