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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Idiot mother and bully daughter

184 replies

ChickenDipper22 · 01/04/2015 15:48

My DS is only 7 months and sits in front of me in a walker at playgroup as he can't even move around in it yet so is not running around causing trouble or anything. There is a little girl of about 3 years old there who is just a little bully, she hits and pushes everyone and the mother does absolutely NOTHING, she pushed another child off the top of a slide a few weeks ago and again the mother just sat there and said nothing. Anyway, last week she came over to DS and bashed him across the head with a plastic brick really hard for no reason whatsoever, he screamed the place down, it was about a millimetre away from his soft spot.
This week I kept my eye on her so knew it was coming.. She walked over with a sharp wooden toy and started hitting him on the head, luckily I'd put my hand on top of his head just on time to protect him!
AIBU to be really angry that this mother just seems to not give a shit whatsoever? She will just sit there and watch her do it time and time again and not even get up off her seat or tell her it's wrong! ð??¡

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 01/04/2015 15:49

So what do you say/do?

Do you tell the child off? Do you ask her mother to watch her behaviour?

AimlesslyPurposeful · 01/04/2015 15:51

Why have you not spoken to the mother about her DDs behaviour and why she does nothing to stop it?

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 01/04/2015 15:51

Everyone tells her, she just laughs it off!

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 01/04/2015 15:51

FFS it a playgroup and she's 3 there is no need to call her a bully.
I'm betting this is your first? One day he will be the big lumbering 3 year old that hits. Best not be too smug.

Yes the mother isn't doing a good enough job in keeping an eye on her, I would try and be friendly and point out when her daughter lashes out that way she us more likely to realise she can't ignore it.

ilovechristmas1 · 01/04/2015 15:52

YANBU

i would of said something after the second time to the mother

DuelingFanjo · 01/04/2015 15:53

This is so typical in mother and baby groups. The parents of younger children really don't like the older kids being there doing older kid things. When your son is about 3 years old you will be the other parent...

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 01/04/2015 15:53

If she continues to ignore other parents speak to the person who runs the group and tell her that you're not happy with this girl's behaviour.

Cariad007 · 01/04/2015 15:56

I have two nieces who are "older kids" at playgroup (nearly 3 and 4). The "older kid things" they do would never involve hitting a baby over the head as they've been taught not to do that. So YANBU OP.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/04/2015 15:57

The problem, apart from her lack of supervision, is that you are using the playgroup for different reasons. She is using it to rest while her 3 yo burns off energy. You are using it for you (getting out of the house? Socialising?), because clearly at 7 mo, your DS isn't really using the equipment for socialising.

In this case I would set my boundaries with the child. A firm, "NO" if she looks like she's going to hit. I would go so far as to grab the toy/brick as it descends. Not her hand.

HappierThanLarry · 01/04/2015 15:57

This is so typical in mother and baby groups. The parents of younger children really don't like the older kids being there doing older kid things

I don't think anyone likes watching their child be hit Hmm

Next time OP, loudly say " Please don't hit him, he's a baby" loud enough for everyone to hear. Or loudly say to the mother "Can you tell her to stop hitting him"

Speak to a member of staff aswell

Original poster
ChickenDipper22 · 01/04/2015 15:58

"Doing older kid things" bashing babies on the head with wooden toys..really?
It's not really the child that I'm annoyed with, it's the mother for doing nothing about it. I haven't got a problem with older kids being there whatsoever, none of the rest of them bash my babys head in every week

OP posts:
TheDietStartsTomorrow · 01/04/2015 15:59

Since when did being an older kid at playgroup allow you to hit a younger kid??

I can't stand it when mums are just passive and let their kids go round hitting others and causing commotion. She should at least make an attempt to teach her child what's right and wrong. The younger you start the easier it is.

Velvetbee · 01/04/2015 15:59

The mother should step in ever time. As she doesn't, it's fine for you to say something. 'No! We don't hit, it hurts'. 'leave him alone, he doesn't like it'. That kind of thing - not nasty, just firm.
It'll be tedious but someone needs to be parenting that child and it doesn't sound as if she can be arsed.

Velvetbee · 01/04/2015 16:00

every

DancingDays · 01/04/2015 16:04

"idiot" and "bully" really?Hmm

Have you spoken to the playgroup leader?

bumblebreed · 01/04/2015 16:07

I have a 3 year old boy. If he hit a baby, or anyone else for that matter he'd get a big telling off, no way would I laugh it off.

I think if I were in your position I would tell the 3 year old girl off myself. In a calm, polite and totally none aggressive manner. Just something like 'No, don't hit my baby'.

If the mother doesn't like it you will just have to stand up to her.

I would bet a fiver that she won't say anything to you though, she will probably just be grateful.

BinarySolo · 01/04/2015 16:08

Actually no, op won't necessarily be the other parent.

Op was wrong to label a 3 year old as a bully. This isn't really about the behaviour of the child tho is it? The problem really is the mother's complete indifference.

I've foung that most parents are very tolerant of boisterous older toddlers as long as the parets are seen to be correcting any undesirable behaviour.

I used to run a playgroup where we had a child that would hurt another child EVERY SINGLE WEEK. His mother was a childminder and would ignore the vast majority of his bad behaviour, a lot of which was downright dangerous for both his own and the other childrens safety. We eventually kept an accident book that we made the parents sign. this seemed to make her a lot more vigilant about his behaviour.

zzzzz · 01/04/2015 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 01/04/2015 16:10

A 3yo child is not a bully. Tell her not to do it before she even gets near and speak to the mother yourself

Dr0pThePirate · 01/04/2015 16:10

chicken I don't think it has anything to do with your child being a baby and other being older but everything to do with the mother being an "idiot" as you said.

DS is 3 and was slapped, thumped and had his hair pulled by a kid the same age at playgroup last week. The "idiot" mother in this case just pulled a Sad face and explained her son gets a bit annoyed some times. I was fucking furious. DS doesn't do this, the other kids (same age or older) do act like this. There always some kids that do and for the life of me I can't understand why the parents don't take them home when it happens.

Fine, sometimes kids misbehave, even become violent, but you can't let them carry on like that. Next time her daughter does anything to your child shout at her and her mother. And don't feel guilty for doing it Angry

Hersetta427 · 01/04/2015 16:11

At the toddler group we attend, one parent was asked (by the committee) to remove her child and not to bother coming back until she could/would control his behaviour as every week he was biting and hitting other children.

MTWTFSS · 01/04/2015 16:11

LittleBairn "One day he will be the big lumbering 3 year old that hits"

Except DECENT people immediately take the child that hits and disciplines them!!! My children get hell if they EVER hurt another child!

The mother that laughs it off should be ashamed of herself!

Gileswithachainsaw · 01/04/2015 16:12

Since when is older kid things hitting the babies intentionally every time they see them to multiple babies/children? really??? Hmm

the mother should have timed out or disciplined her in some way every time.

not on at all.

soapboxqueen · 01/04/2015 16:13

The little girl isn't a bully. She's doing what many children her age do. Doesn't make it acceptable but it isn't exceptional.

If the mother looks like she isn't going to step in then you will have to do it. A firm 'no, we don't got babies with hammers' and remove the item if necessary. Don't manhandle the other child though.

thehumanjam · 01/04/2015 16:14

It is very upsetting watching your 1 year old being hurt by an older child and infuriating when the parent isn't addressing the behaviour.

I would speak to the group leader and they can have a word with the mother. I'm sure the mother does want a break but she can't have it at the expense of other children.

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