Idiot mother and bully daughter

[ChickenDipper22]

My DS is only 7 months and sits in front of me in a walker at playgroup as he can't even move around in it yet so is not running around causing trouble or anything. There is a little girl of about 3 years old there who is just a little bully, she hits and pushes everyone and the mother does absolutely NOTHING, she pushed another child off the top of a slide a few weeks ago and again the mother just sat there and said nothing. Anyway, last week she came over to DS and bashed him across the head with a plastic brick really hard for no reason whatsoever, he screamed the place down, it was about a millimetre away from his soft spot.
This week I kept my eye on her so knew it was coming.. She walked over with a sharp wooden toy and started hitting him on the head, luckily I'd put my hand on top of his head just on time to protect him!
AIBU to be really angry that this mother just seems to not give a shit whatsoever? She will just sit there and watch her do it time and time again and not even get up off her seat or tell her it's wrong! ð??¡

Also what twosocks said

Genuinely, if this is happening every week I think it's likely they need support not ostracising

it's a toddler group. A large percentage of the attendees will be needing support. Some toddler groups are even specifically for referred cases from HV to ensure vulnerable families etc have the chance to get out and need and talk to people.

allowing a three yr old to run riot hitting babies may well be a reason for people to stop going ergo stopping others from accessing the support they needed.

The child's mothers needs aren't greater than anyone else's and 99% of teh other people attending are not letting their issues or difficulties stop them from attempting to parent their children.

not accepting it and reporting to group leader and shouting at the child is not the same as ganging up on the mother and telling her to piss off.

but support has yo come from people in a place able to give it and it's not fair to think. negatively if op and others can't.

You seem quite worried about upsetting the other mother, zzz, as you keep telling us she needs a cup of coffee in peace and might have a lot going on. You've also said people should supervise their toddlers in playgroup. Should people also supervise their 3yos and up, or do you think that's not their responsibility?

This is why I am soooo glad my kids are grown up. It seems many parents these days are so reluctant to correct their kids these days. It does a child no favours at all. I would ask the mother if she would like you to come over and hit her over the head!

I had this when I ran a playgroup, I banned them.

Tell the coordinator, get some numbers behind you.

If all else fails, you may have to find elsewhere.

I'm betting this is your first? One day he will be the big lumbering 3 year old that hits NEITHER of my dcs hit! It isn't an automatic thing that as soon as they reach toddler-dom they start lashing out!

The parents of younger children really don't like the older kids being there doing older kid things. Yeah, so unreasonable to not want your child hit. Get over it, op! [eyeroll]

In the playgroups I have been at & ran, three yrs old hitting babies with plastic/wooden bricks IS NOT seen as "older kids doing older kid stuff"

No wonder we have bullies in preschool!

numbers = members

Well there's a way to have inclusion. quire easily.

get the mum to parent her child and not make others responsible for her.

Then no one has to be segregated and the child doesn't become confused as hell when the people who look after her stop coming.

I don't k ow why yku think. It's so harsh zzzz

the regulations of any toddler group or soft play or kids attraction clearly state parents are responsible for their own children. It's not a surprise.

things you suggest go beyond what should be reasonably expected

no one's expecting the child to behave perfectly. We are all happy to help deflect the odd incident and k ow lids will he kids and not always act in the best way.

These places people do muck in together to help others.

But this is beyond that..This is regular targeted aggression towards other children and the mother does absolutely NOTHING. managing that is alot of responsibility for people who have their own children and shit to deal with. It goes beyond breaking up teh odd fight or guiding a child who's approached yours in a better more gentle way.

And again, I'm sure people would be accepting and helpful if the mother was actually seen to be trying to stop it from happening.

laughing is unacceptable

Where have you said that? Earlier on the thread, where do you think? In a bestselling parenting book?

You're the one parroting about exclusion. Most posters are saying the child should be asked to behave properly which is not exclusion.

like everyone else managing the situation.

There shouldn't he a situation to manage.

odd incident fine. but this is a regular occurrence and managing it every time by relying on those able to is a huge responsibility

And no one asked you how much you supervise your kids. Or certainly I didn't as I have no interest in your model of parenting. I did ask if you thought parents of 3 and overs should supervise them, so do you want to answer that?

No, she just needs to step up. no one's expecting no incidents ever. asking her to parent is not an unreasonable request.

She's not being told to dress her kid a certain way or she can't come. She's not being expected to do anything to alter her child so she "fits in" she's expected to parent. like everyone else

My son is 3 and would never ever hit a baby or another child. I don't really believe it is normal 3 year old behaviour, my 21 month old might if 'provoked' in some way like if a child took a toy off him or hit him first but in that case he would be told off.

Perhaps the little girl has a developmental delay or some sort of health problem but in that case her mum should be watching her carefully, if she is prone to doing things like this, for other children's safety as well as to make sure she isn't hated by other children as she isn't a bully as such, but kids won't want to play with a rough child and will start to avoid her

Most toddlers I know don't hit, scratch, bite or push. Yes there are a few that do and it is considered within the normal range of toddler behaviour. However most children just don't. A few that I knew were particularly hitty also struggled with language delay and repeated behaviours, have gone on to be diagnosed with ASD. OP I think its most important to ensure your child is safe, know its fine to tell the misbehaving child off and also seek extra support for the mum in terms of a health visitor (at the group) or asking the toddler group leader to support the mum.

Ideally zzzzz I wouldn't want them to have to be asked to leave either.

Most people are generally reasonable. they don't tend to have anything against the children in question and are more than capable and prepared to intervene if something did happen. It's just a natural thing. no matter how closely we watch our kids it's inevitable at some stage something happens and yes most people would be in there if they were the first to see a situation about to develop.

There may or may not he something wrong with this child that makes her more difficult and more extreme to manage than others and of course I wouldn't be rude or nasty to the kid. but I would just expect the parent to do something.

I'm sure if the mum.explained X triggered it off or she gets agitated if Z happens, and was seen to be active in trying to manage the situations, then I expect most people on this thread would be happy to adapt their or their kids behaviour in order to try and make things easier for the child to deal with.

what is unreasonable and absurd though is the expectation and dependence on others to do everything while you sit on your arse.

on one hand you would have people bringing her a cup of tea while she's in a corner trying to calm her child.

on the other you have parents pissed off that yet again their kids battered and bruised while she's texting her BFF or bidding on ebay. In that situation it's not entirely unreasonable to complain

How about saying to the Mother "is there some reason that you are not stopping this from happening?"

Then, if the mother or child have some sort of difficulties you will know.