Idiot mother and bully daughter

[ChickenDipper22]

My DS is only 7 months and sits in front of me in a walker at playgroup as he can't even move around in it yet so is not running around causing trouble or anything. There is a little girl of about 3 years old there who is just a little bully, she hits and pushes everyone and the mother does absolutely NOTHING, she pushed another child off the top of a slide a few weeks ago and again the mother just sat there and said nothing. Anyway, last week she came over to DS and bashed him across the head with a plastic brick really hard for no reason whatsoever, he screamed the place down, it was about a millimetre away from his soft spot.
This week I kept my eye on her so knew it was coming.. She walked over with a sharp wooden toy and started hitting him on the head, luckily I'd put my hand on top of his head just on time to protect him!
AIBU to be really angry that this mother just seems to not give a shit whatsoever? She will just sit there and watch her do it time and time again and not even get up off her seat or tell her it's wrong! ð??¡

Sadly it doesn't sound like this mother is going to change.
I had similar experience with ds1 at a playgroup although it was with a boy the same age. He constantly attacked ds to the point one day ds was playing in a tent, this child went in and scratched down my ds's face. He was left with deep gouges out of both cheeks. They were 2 at the time.
The mothers reaction to this was a shrug and boys, what can you do?
Now some 10 years later this boy hasn't changed one bit, he punched my ds in the stomach last week and is suspended on a regular basis.
I guess what I'm trying to say is if the mother takes no responsibility the child is never going to learn.
Sadly it looks like you will have to be extra vigilant around your child when this other child is around.
And I don't get this attitude in a few years your child will be the big one.
I had ds2 at the same playgroup years later and he was the child going round hitting and biting. Every time he did it he was removed from the situation and told no. He was then made to apologise, thankfully that phase seemed to end but not before it got me so upset and mortified.
So I've experienced it from both sides but certainly wouldn't sit there and laugh when my child was doing the hitting. I really feel for you op as I know how frustrating it is.

I'd suggest a two-fold approach: to approach the group leader and tell her calmly about the issue, which is not so much the child's behaviour but the mother's lack of intervention, which means the behaviour is repeated and repeated and repeated.
"buddy up" with another mother, so when the girl hits or tries to hit another child, while their own DM is comforting them the other one takes the girl over to her mother, while saying loudly "no. We don't hit. I'm taking you over to mummy."
It is removing her from the other child, giving her positive reinforcement and putting the ball firmly in her own mother's court.
Maybe if everyone can start then the other mother might get the idea that it is up to her to deal with her daughter's behaviour. Mind you, it might take a while as she seems very impervious. most people would be mortified.

zzzzz You are quite welcome to attend a playgroup where 7mth od babies get hit with wooden & plastic blocks while mum looks on having nothing to do with the situation.

I on the other hand, will not accept my children hitting another child, nor will I allow them to be hit. I don't care what the circumstances are.

And perhaps a lynch mob would work. I am genuinely shocked that you think this is in any way acceptable.

So if they said, "XX lost her father and is behaving quite aggressively", or "XX is recently adopted and displays some difficult behaviour", or "XX is epileptic and her Meds make her aggressive", or "XX is developmentally delayed and is over a year behind her chronological age" would you honestly run for the hills because you only want to hang out with the naice kids?

It has NOTHING what so ever to do with only wanting to socialise with NICE kids. My children have been hurt by kids, the difference between that & here is 1] the parent IMMEDIATELY apologised & 2] it was prevented from happening again!

As I said, if the staff & the mother was passive & weren't dealing with it, then yes, I would fucking leave! Yes, the kid may be upset, but letting them batter other children is NOT the way to help them...since when has children hitting each other been a reasonable therapy tool for grieving toddlers?

The SIMPLE point that you are MISSING is that there NO explanation being given for the behaviour. Mum hasn't even apologised, ffs! Just sat & watched. If the child is grieving/on meds & hitting out, there are ways to prevent it & you should ALWAYS apologise. Not let it go time after time.

A nursery that expels a 3 year old for hitting would be on very dodgy ground. You wouldn't be expelling a child for hitting, you'd be banning the family because the parent obviously doesn't give a fuck about anyone & sits idly by while her child repeatedly hits & pushes younger children around.

Seriously, how can anyone condone that behaviour?

There won't be a playgroup much longer, because parents will not be going back.

All of those possibilities for a child demonstrating aggressive behaviour require active participation from the people close to the child. Random strangers encountered at playgroups should not have to tolerate the mother allowing her child to exhibit those behaviours by hitting other children while she remains detatched.
Basically, these "reasons" sound like excuses for a parent who will not parent. No wonder the other parents are pissed off because they don't go to the playgroup to parent her child because she can't be arsed to do it herself.

Your wrong actually they can and do expel.I've witnessed it myself,not one of my children thankfully.

One child was autistic but the Nursery he was at(attached to an infants and juniors)could just not cope sadly with his behavior and his Mum wasn't really interested in working with the Nursery to find any coping techniques for the little boy.He had physically attacked nearly every single child in the Nursery and had physically attacked all of the staff.

So of course they had received numerous complaints from the parents of the children that were being hurt.So they did the only thing they could do in the end.

I've witness children in Nursery's,Infants,Juniors and secondary schools that have been expelled for using violence against another child and or a member of staff!

I worked with children for years in all different types of settings.

I've also known of 5 mums that were banned from attending toddler groups.Three different toddler groups a good few years apart.All of them were because of they're child(one mum it was all 3 of her children)being violent towards other children and the Mum's not doing anything to stop it happening.They'd watch and just ignore,no telling the child of,no removing from the situation,no apologies.

I've never been the adult that has been involved in expelling a child or banning a parent from a child setting.I have seen the affect of it though on the whole family.

A nursery that expels a 3 year old for hitting would be on very dodgy ground. why would it, if the hitting was constant and the mother refused to prevent it I can't see what choice they would have. Nobody is going to put up with their babies and toddlers getting battered every time they go to playgroup because the mother refused to do anything.

Rational people will tell you you're being unreasonable. I'm really over protective of all my kids and I'm sorry to say I'd get quite angry at the mum. I have a three yo and a 9 week old and she knows better than to do anything at all to the baby, it's not how all three year olds behave at all and to even suggest that is absurd