Idiot mother and bully daughter

[ChickenDipper22]

My DS is only 7 months and sits in front of me in a walker at playgroup as he can't even move around in it yet so is not running around causing trouble or anything. There is a little girl of about 3 years old there who is just a little bully, she hits and pushes everyone and the mother does absolutely NOTHING, she pushed another child off the top of a slide a few weeks ago and again the mother just sat there and said nothing. Anyway, last week she came over to DS and bashed him across the head with a plastic brick really hard for no reason whatsoever, he screamed the place down, it was about a millimetre away from his soft spot.
This week I kept my eye on her so knew it was coming.. She walked over with a sharp wooden toy and started hitting him on the head, luckily I'd put my hand on top of his head just on time to protect him!
AIBU to be really angry that this mother just seems to not give a shit whatsoever? She will just sit there and watch her do it time and time again and not even get up off her seat or tell her it's wrong! ð??¡

because in this case picking up the slack would involve following her around removing toys from her hand and shooing her away from anyone she's about to hit.

"play nicely now sweetie would you like to say hello" would maybe solve it for your kid for that second but not anyone else's she moved onto moments after.

I think it's understandable parents are pissed if all she ever does is shrug and laugh.

I'd assume people would he more willing if her reaction was anything other than that.

not talking a life story or medical history or details of ongoing problems or issues.

just something other than laughing.

laughing is worse than nothing .

toddler groups are frequented by a whole set of people all with their own issues and problems life has thrown at them. you can't expect people who may well be struggling with their own kids to start watching others.

zzzzz Yes the child needs help, but consistent help from her own parents, not some randoms at occasional playgroups. A one off reprimand from a stranger won't teach the little girl to be gentle.
The mother needs to understand that she is the one responsible and needs to teach her DD how to behave around others.

Obviously if a kids about to hurt themselves or fallen over you pick up and give them.a cuddle/ or help them get back up. I've always done this. I've never left a child hurt or about to endanger themselves out of principle and I have stopped incidents before now as I was there when it was about to start.

I've watched kids while parents go to the loo or for a smoke or gone and got them food or drink.

but i go places to spend time with my kids I am responsible for them not for others who can't be bothered

I wouldn't pick up the slack because I wouldn't feel confident to do so.

I don't have vast amounts of experience with children, but I don't think this sort of repeated behaviour is that common, although not unheard of. Not in my limited experience anyway.

Zzzzzz - I was that mother with a child who hit and attacked other child for no obvious reason. I'm the parent, it's up to me to stop them from hurting other children or at least to take some action if they do. if I had done nothing or just laughed, I wouldn't have blamed a group for asking me to come back when my child was less violent or when I could take responsibility for their behaviour.

I would guess that hinged on the attitude of the parents.

If they were cooperative and we're clearly working trying to.improve the situation and sticking to arrangenents/ agreements such as say using a room offered to give them.some space of needed or perhaps arriving/leaving at a different time to avoid getting to over excited or steering the kid away from the baby area them of course it would be unreasonable to just ban someone.

but if the parents failed to listen or take their kids behaviour seriously and refused to remove or disciplined their child or watch her more closely them surely it's justifiable that the parent is asked to not come back.

How could they have stopped my child throttling, slapping, hitting their children over the head with hard objects, throwing things at their children if I was just sat ignoring it? What would you have these mums do who already have at least one or several young children to keep an eye on, maybe also a baby to hold.

If the mum's not telling her not to do it, I would. I would tell her not to touch my baby as she approached, I wouldn't wait for her to start.

You can really tell the lazy people on here. 'This will be your child soon'. Um no, I have a toddler who doesn't attack smaller children, also if he goes through such a phase I would discipline every occasion not sit back and expect others to! YANBU but next time speech speak to staff or confront the mother.

Had a similar experience years ago at a parent/child group. Mother who,thought it was her time to socialise and sit and chat, ignoring her child's behaviour.

Her DS used to snatch, hit, kick and punch when he wanted something or didn't get what he wanted. She just let him get on with it. Whilst I felt sorry for her DS, there was no way he was going to be allowed to hit my DS (who was younger), push him over and snatch the toy he had or smack him on the head with toy cars.

I used to keep a very close eye on my DS and the other child and as soon as I saw him making a bee-line for my DS, I would be ready to step in. A loud, firm voice normally did the trick 'DO NOT HIT, THAT IS NOT NICE' or 'DO NOT SNATCH THAT IS NOT NICE'.

After a couple of weeks, the DS's Mum asked me why I kept telling her DS off for not being nice, as it upset her. I just responded and said 'it upsets me when you consistently allow your DS to hit, punch, push and smack and sit drinking tea ignoring it. I will carry on telling your DS not to behave like this, until you decide to be a parent'.

Suffice to say, she never came back. Other parents were over the moon.

It's such a shame for the children when parents ignore this type of behaviour. If nothing changes, these poor children grow up into bullies and generally very unpleasant - when it doesn't need to be like this.

Oh my god you need to report this weekend to the leader.
If she is doing this and the mother doesn't stop her she will keep doing. Sorry I'd be raising my voice by now.

just from the title I thought of secondary age dc...

Zzzzz. why should other people be responsible for my childs consistent violence? What actions do you expect them to take - maybe drag my child away, restrain them, remove them from the room, time them out, maybe take them home for me - whilst I sit drinking my coffee? Are you just trying to wind peope up here?

Are you aware how serious some young childrens violence can be?

So zzzzz the 3yo's mum will see everyone else kindly stepping in and parenting her child for her, great. What do you think she'll then do? Suddenly think "Oh how lovely that they've demonstrated good parenting strategies, i shall henceforth pull my finger out and be a responsible parent!".
Or the rather more likely "Great, I don't need to pay DD any attention now, this lot can watch her for me".

When I was attempting to go to playgroups I hovered near DS constantly, usually preempting any trouble and avoiding an incident. Like someone upthread, playgroup was not a break for me, it was for DS to try to learn social skills.
When my favourite playgroup lost its staff and became mum-run, I had to stop going - I couldn't risk leaving DS unattended (even if watched by other mums, they wouldn't have known what to watch for with him) while I did 20 mins washing up as he would have hurt someone. So I stopped going - to protect other children and not stress out my boy.

No zzzz, all children can be naughty regardless of parenting. The parents who think op is being unreasonable in thinking the mother should intervene are lazy, or at least endorsing lazy parenting. If your child is misbehaving, particularly in a violent manner it is not okay to ignore it and dismiss it as 'normal for their age'.

A three year old should know not to hit a baby (or anyone)on the head. It's not normal 'older kid' behaviour, she's being naughty and needs telling.

YANBU op. This child is behaving in a way that could be considered bullying....and her mother is definitely a idiot for not nipping it in the bud. I pity the kids that end up at school with her.

I really can't believe the people saying a 3 year old hitting a baby over the head and pushing kids off slides is perfectly normal and acceptable behaviour and it will be her DS in a few years!! Seriously??

You are definitely not being unreasonable at all OP!

There seems to be some kind of MN cut off where at 3 somehow parents all stop getting involved in what their kids are doing, expect random strangers to parent their child and show them the way and any form of intervention is helicopter parenting. and increasingly vicious attacks/extreme behaviours are normalised.

2/3/4/10 who cares. you remain responsible for and supervise your child as required until they understand that it's not acceptable. and parents need to remain fully involved in that.

I still pull my 4 yr old away from.situations if she is not listening or taking enough care in what she's doing and that might result in someone younger than her getting hurt or upset.

I do think there are some parents who somehow don't see it as their responsibility or that it's even something they can do, to step in and take charge of their DC.

In the playground the other day an approx 3/4yo was trying to get my similar-aged DD's way whatever she did. Tried to use the slide - this girl blocked it halfway down. Fireman's pole - girl clung to the bottom to stop her using it. DD headed for the swings - girl went and grabbed the last available swing - not to use it, just to block DD - who was by now getting a bit upset.

The girl's mum was around and did ask her DD very sweetly to move and also said to me "well I don't know why she's being like this today!!!" in a jolly tone. As if she had no responsibility for it and no power to do anything about it. After me, the mum and crying DD watched her blocking the swing for 5 mins, me waiting to see if mum would do anything, I finally said "well you could just move her off it". The mum did do this, credit where it's due but it was obvious she was really gobsmacked at my suggestion. It's what I would do in a heartbeat if my child behaved like that and ignored me asking them to move. But some parents seem to find it outrageous and think they should only ever ask nicely, if that, and then totally flake if it doesn't work.

I also know another mum, a friend, who was pretty much like this with her kids too. She used to let her DD take a turn on the swing, then let her give her dolly an extended turn, before my DS was let on. Which used to really piss me off as dolly's turn could go on for 10, 15 minutes, as long as the child dictated. Friend explained to me that she couldn't bear her DC ever to cry, so she made sure never to upset them.