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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be ashamed

149 replies

Thankyoumrspatterson · 30/03/2015 19:46

Dh and I are cousins, we love eachother, have two dc and couldn't be happier.

My parents and siblings don't care that we are cousins, they are happy that we are happy but mil doesn't want to broadcast it per say.

If people ask "so how did you meet" about dh and I, I will say "known eachother forever, old family friends" but sometimes I do say "we're cousins".

Tbh no one has ever batted an eyelid and I'm not ashamed but mil doesn't quite agree.

Aibu? Should I lie to people who I meet?

OP posts:
Original poster
Thankyoumrspatterson · 30/03/2015 19:47

Excuse the grammar, I'm awful with grammar.

OP posts:
QueenBean · 30/03/2015 19:48
Hmm
WorraLiberty · 30/03/2015 19:49

Saying you've known each other forever isn't lying though is it?

I personally wouldn't tell anyone if I married my cousin because the kids would probably get teased about being 'inbreeds'. You know how cruel kids can be.

But if you don't think that's a problem then YANBU.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 30/03/2015 19:49

As long as you and DH are happy, it isn't illegal. Some may wonder but meh. Love conquers everything.

Surely if you both go to a family event you don,t have to hide that you are married? And presumably the wedding involved family?

glittertits · 30/03/2015 19:51

Don't be ashamed, but prepare your kids for the bad reactions they will get at school if the other kids find out.

NoPillows · 30/03/2015 19:53

Not to be facetious but if your parents and siblings don't care bar mil's unwillingness to sing it from the rooftops and no-one has ever batted an eyelid, whats the aibu? Am I missing something because you sound perfectly ok with your lot.

fuctifino · 30/03/2015 19:57

It is very common in certain cultures, not frowned upon at all.

I wouldn't deny the familial link I don't think.

Out of interest, was there any genetic problems the doctors were concerned about when you were pregnant? Did they know you were cousins?

VanitasVanitatum · 30/03/2015 19:59

I agree that as undesirable as it is to act as though you should be 'ashamed', which you shouldn't, I definitely wouldn't let anyone at DC school find out, kids can be merciless.

EeyoresTail · 30/03/2015 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Thankyoumrspatterson · 30/03/2015 20:01

There is only a very slight percentage of genetic problems with cousins but all Drs knew and we're not concerned.

As it is my daughter was born with a clotting disorder and facial palsy BUT completely unrelated to the family link.

I also have the clotting disorder and the facial palsy was caused by a nerve problem.

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Original poster
Thankyoumrspatterson · 30/03/2015 20:05

Wow I outed myself with that last post Confused NC needed

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ChocolateEggFace · 30/03/2015 20:05

Well, it's perfectly legal in the UK, so as long as you are in the UK, no problem.

I understand Americans have a very different take on it though.

I found this interesting

Original poster
Thankyoumrspatterson · 30/03/2015 20:06

Not in usa

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ChocolateEggFace · 30/03/2015 20:06

This too

No idea why I cant marry FIL. not that I'd ever blood want to!

Timetoask · 30/03/2015 20:07

I have a school friend whose parents are cousins, she was never ashamed to mention it.
Personally I would find it really wired if one of my kids married one of my nieces probably because we all know each other so well.

Original poster
Thankyoumrspatterson · 30/03/2015 20:08

Dh and I never grew up together as mil and dm don't like eachother. We meet eachother a few times in childhood and then reconnected in our 20s. So to me he was just another bloke.

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Rebecca2014 · 30/03/2015 20:11

Um ok...

I be freaked out if my daughter married one of my sibling children.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 30/03/2015 20:11

I find it a bit sickening to be honest.
You can dress it up how you like but you're swimming in your own gene pool. But as long as you're happy.

Rebecca2014 · 30/03/2015 20:13

Do your children have any genetic defects?

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 30/03/2015 20:14

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost that's how I feel too. I know it's not illegal but the thought of being in a relationship with a cousin just makes me feel ill.

TwoOddSocks · 30/03/2015 20:16

I would imagine that there would be some raised eye brows among people you told even if they don't show it. (I remember a girl at school slept with her cousin and it was the biggest piece of gossip for about a year, even people who had never knows either of them were talking about it).

That said I don't see anything morally wrong with it and If I recall correctly the genetic risk to kids is actually much smaller than people assume, so I see no reason why you should have to feel ashamed or hide it if you don't want to.

lightgreenglass · 30/03/2015 20:18

So your mother and his mother are siblings?

Honestly, I wouldn't tell anyone as you'll get lots of judgemental looks etc. The line, that you've known each other since childhood is fine.

Essexgirlupnorth · 30/03/2015 20:22

Marrying your cousin does increase of the risk of you both carrying a recessive genetic condition but the is the cultures where you parents are first cousins and your grandparents are first cousins that increases the risk far more.

Original poster
Thankyoumrspatterson · 30/03/2015 20:23

Dh mum and my mum have the same mother but different fathers so in:

Dm and mil are half sisters

Dh and I are half first cousins

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goshhhhhh · 30/03/2015 20:23

Are you royal?