To not be ashamed

[Thankyoumrspatterson]

Dh and I are cousins, we love eachother, have two dc and couldn't be happier.

My parents and siblings don't care that we are cousins, they are happy that we are happy but mil doesn't want to broadcast it per say.

If people ask "so how did you meet" about dh and I, I will say "known eachother forever, old family friends" but sometimes I do say "we're cousins".

Tbh no one has ever batted an eyelid and I'm not ashamed but mil doesn't quite agree.

Aibu? Should I lie to people who I meet?

PearsonSpecter sadly, it also is one of the explanation why there is a higher than usual level of genetic diseases in those countries...

Someone may have said this already (only read 2/3 of thread), so apologise if this is old news.

Charles Darwin and his wife were cousins - in fact they were double cousins, because their parents were also cousins. CD was worried very worried about the risk to his children (though genetics hadn't been invented then) because cousin marriage was very common in his social circle. But they were fine.

So, if Darwin can do it, I think you can OP.

I know a couple with a child who are first cousins. No one bats an eyelid. I am surprised at the shock horror comments on here.

There are some very weird responses on here! After reading the OP, I was about to ask 'why on earth does shame come into it at all?' Now, having read the comments, I understand entirely where the OP is coming from. She may not be ashamed, but if the 'ew'/'not nice'/'repulsive' comments are in any way representative, I can see why she's wary of making up generally known.

Can I ask those of you who are saying you are repulsed - why? It sounds as if the idea of a cousin marriage is making some people respond as if they're being forced to have sex with their brothers or something!

And the increased risk of birth defects, absolutely - I think the Bradford study showed it was double the national rate (6% of babies, rather than 3%) - but it's hardly grounds for ruling out cousin marriage, is it? Otherwise you'd also need to rule out older mothers, too, as older eggs are more likely to result in birth defects...? Presumably you can have genetic counselling before you have a child with a cousin?

Its pretty sick to be fair,

LadyGregory, it may not being having sex with a bother but its only one step away from that..

For me it's just a visceral reaction. The idea of having sex with a cousin, even the ones I didn't grow up with seems utterly alien to me. Certainly not on a par with having sex with my brother, but not a million miles removed from that either. We share grandparents, our parents are siblings. It's just too close.

I wouldn't voice my feelings to a couple who were cousins though.

No-one seems to care that the entire Royal Families of pretty much all the European countries almost exclusively married their cousins for centuries.
Einstein married his cousin (she was both his 1st and 2nd cousin)
So did Edgar Allan Poe. And at least 3 American presidents, various prime ministers around the world, and Chairman Mao, to name a few.

The US is the only western country to have any laws against it, and the genetic issues are totally overstated. You increase your chances by about 2% be marrying your cousin, thats all.

If you don't like the idea, don't marry your cousin. Who cares what anyone else does though?

Lady the idea does not sicken me to the point I would be rude to op if I met her or her op in real life.

But my cousins are all under the age of 13 so you know I have babysat for them, watched them grow up.

My first neice however has just been born, my son is 18 months. The idea of them being in a relationship when their mothers are sisters and they will be growing up together really disgusts me. It's just family. If op is happy then fine, but that does not mean I would want it in my family and I can understand why the mil/aunt feels the way she does

The European royals had a number of problems that can be linked to their intermarrying.

Yes squoosh, but that would be the ALL marrying cousins for CENTURIES bit, rather than a single cousin marriage.

I realise that. I was just responding to your statement 'No-one seems to care that the entire Royal Families of pretty much all the European countries almost exclusively married their cousins for centuries'.

You make it sound as though there weren't any repercussions from this intermarrying.

Wouldn't bother me, good luck to you op.

Some people clearly do have an issue though as indicated by this thread so while not ashamed, I don't think I'd give too much away. It is enough to know you've known each other since you were children surely!

The idea of my dses marrying their cousin does seem odd to me though, I guess I see my niece as an extra sibling they don't see so often.

squoosh Indeed. Juste take a look at the Spanish Royal Family in the 17th and 18th century...

There is nothing wrong with marrying your cousin
Well, apart from the massively increased risk of any children having genetic abnormalities and life-limiting conditions as a consequence of the hugely decreased gene pool...

Nothing whatsoever wrong with marrying first cousins. I used to date one of mine...

sparechange...except there AREN'T massive increases in the chances of genetic problems. It's like 2% points. So keep the [hm] to points you understand maybe?

I understand all of that, but its irrelevant to both the point and the thread.

Sparechange didn't say there was massive increases in genetic problems when marying your cousin in a culture of lots of intermarrying cousins which is what you are talking about.

Neither is the OP talking about that.

So how about you stick to the actual point?

er madreloco, the stat quoted upthread says the risk goes doubles. That is a 100% increase in risk. Don't know how you measure risk but that is a pretty massive increase in my book...
So, y'know, stick to things you understand...

You clearly don't understand statistics very well.

And actually the link above says:
In April 2002, the Journal of Genetic Counseling released a report which estimated the average risk of birth defects in a child born of first cousins at 1.7–2.8% over an average base risk for non-cousin couples of 3%, or about the same as that of any woman over age 40

So the risk of genetic problems in cousin couples is the same as in women over 40. Would you advise women over 40 not to have babies for fear of, massively increased risk of any children having genetic abnormalities and life-limiting conditions which is a direct quote from your first post?