To not be ashamed

[Thankyoumrspatterson]

Dh and I are cousins, we love eachother, have two dc and couldn't be happier.

My parents and siblings don't care that we are cousins, they are happy that we are happy but mil doesn't want to broadcast it per say.

If people ask "so how did you meet" about dh and I, I will say "known eachother forever, old family friends" but sometimes I do say "we're cousins".

Tbh no one has ever batted an eyelid and I'm not ashamed but mil doesn't quite agree.

Aibu? Should I lie to people who I meet?

At least both DM and DMIL get along!

It's unusual in the UK but I don't see any issue with it unless there genetic health problems in the family (in which case it would be advisable to get checked out beforehand).

The thing I've always wondered is.....

You know in a standard wedding when you go in and the usher asks if you're bride or groom family? Well, when it's two cousins getting married does everyone just sit where they like?

YANBU to not be ashamed but for your children's sake I'd go with "have known each other forever" rather than telling people you're related.

Children can be very cruel to one another.

Agree with what someone said upthread re a one off first cousin marriage being unlikely to cause massive genetic issues. Being a few generations into first cousin intermarriages is however, an entirely different story.

Well depends on your heritage, some cultures are more welcoming than others.

However, depending on the parenthood ties you are dwindling the Darwin rules of survival of the fittest.

If your from Norfolk though, it's to be expected.

The only case I know of personally of first cousins marrying both people were from a "noble" family...no longer "wealthy", but beneficial to keep land/property in the family.....not sure that was their main reason for marrying though.

Kids were perfectly normal.....one needed glasses, and I do know a few people commented on that.

Slightly o/t but I thought you could marry your husbands brother? (As chocolateeggface's list)

I'm sure I've read loads of books where the husband was killed in a war of some sort so the widow was married off to the brother.

Agree about children being cruel.

My friend's parents are first cousins and I've been there when she says it to people and there is that split second of horror on their faces. We both laugh at how uncomfortable it makes people feel.

You definitely shouldn't be ashamed. In my parents generation the only lasting marriage is the cousin one! And I have a lot of aunts and uncles. I would probably be a wimp if it was me, and also want to protect the kids, and say 'known him forever' but you really shouldn't feel that way. If anyone has a problem with it, the problem is theirs alone.
The USA thing is really interesting... There's no problem with you travelling there though?

Well, my friends mum ran of with their uncle. No idea if they ever go married, but it did cause quite a bit of upset.

And I also know of someone whose mother ran off with their daughters husband, so I'm told.... I think that made front page of a tabloid. Must have been a slow news day.

Don't be ashamed. I barely knew my cousins - I think a lot of reactions are when cousins are more like siblings.

Personally I don't have a problem with anyone marrying anyone they want to. Science has meant that issues with conception can be avoided - it's old fashioned to hang onto the 'ick' idea.

Micah

I think historically there were issues with marrying your brothers wife, biblical etc. It was one of the grounds Henry VIII used to divorce Catherine of Aragon. A grey area?

I always thought you tended not to fancy people you were brought up with, related or not, which caused problems in Kibbutz, etc, as people chose to marry people from elsewhere.

Which is a shame, as a good friend and I have always hoped our DC would marry and live happily ever after.

Under I only have a couple of cousins who I'm close to. The rest I barely know. It still makes me feel ill.

People don't always grow up with their cousins or their siblings. :)

That's interesting choclatefudge, if dh and I visited a state in use where it is a criminal offense, would we be arrested? Hmmm

Then you don't have to marry them toads; you're free to do as you wish with your life but other people's and who they marry is not your business and saying it 'makes you feel ill' is childish and unpleasant.

if dh and I visited a state in use where it is a criminal offense, would we be arrested?

If you didn't tell people you were cousins, then no.

I think I'd rather shoot myself with a boltgun than marry my husbands brother!

I can objectively see that my cousins are nice looking blokes, though not in an attracted to them sense, but even so I can see how attraction does happen, outside of cultures where it is the norm.

I didn't grow up with my cousins (and not really with my siblings).

My cousins are either female or fugly, so marriage was never going to happen.

If I'm totally honest, I wouldn't want my DC to marry/ have DC with one their cousin. I can't exactly say why.

I've always been quite pleased that although DH and I grew up in the same town, all four of our parents are from different places. As though that would make our DC genetically stronger or something. talks out of arse

My first proper boyfriend was my cousin. When I tell people they are always slightly shocked and I am often asked questions about it, but I haven't ever had anyone be horrible to me about it. (To my face at least).

Although I was at school when we started seeing each other so maybe I was the girl one of the previous posters mentioned

SaucyJack, we used to joke that of we got married anyone could sit anywhere!

I definitely read too much Virginia Andrews as a teenager. It just doesn't bother me at all

Sorry my gut reaction was ewww.

To me it's icky and I don't think it should be legal.