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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not want my DC around him?

235 replies

UseYourFingers · 26/03/2015 14:45

My sister has been with her partner for 9 years, getting married in December. He has a 17 year old daughter from a previous partner. Was chatting with the daughter and she mentioned it was her mums 30th birthday party coming up. I presumed I'd misheard but mentioned it to my sister, and she confirmed that her DP got a 13 year old girl pregnant WHEN HE WAS 20!

This has made me feel really ill.

We are supposed to be going to Barcelona for her hen weekend in June and her DP was going to have all the kids, including my DD who is 12.
I've told her I don't want this to happen anymore and it's caused a huge argument. I'm not to attend the wedding until I've apologised to him.

I feel really bad. He has babysat before and I feel that I should have been made aware of all this. I've lost all sense of trust towards him and my sister.

I'm not at all implying that he is a paedophile but I can't shake off the notion that at one point in his adult life he was sexually attracted to a child. He was in a relationship with the girl until their daughter was 3.

I don't know what to do or think. Has anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
JustNameChanged · 26/03/2015 14:46

Wow, I haven't got any advice but surely the police or SS would of been involved?

I completely understand where your coming from and I wouldn't want my DCnaround him either

MikeTheShite · 26/03/2015 14:47

I actually think id feel just the same tbh!

UghReally · 26/03/2015 14:48

He's a paedophile.
Get rid

Morelikeguidelines · 26/03/2015 14:48

Yanbu. At all.

Morelikeguidelines · 26/03/2015 14:49

Was he convicted of anything do you know? Presumably not from what you say.

TheSingingMonkey · 26/03/2015 14:49

And this was never an alert at the time?

Morelikeguidelines · 26/03/2015 14:51

If you said it happened when he was 16 I would think differently but 20 is an adult. He was attracted to a child at that age and that at least gives some suggestion he would still be.

NeedABumChange · 26/03/2015 14:54

Instant reaction is that he's a peadophile. There is evidence of this- his daughter- and he should be prosecuted.

Although I do know when I was that age there were quite a few girls in my year dating older men and lying about their ages. They looked old enough to get served in bars. But 10 years later I find it hard to think a 20yr old wouldn't realise a girl was so young after speaking to her or even think she was a very naive 16yo at best.

NeedABumChange · 26/03/2015 14:58

Did she not find it very odd that he had an 8year old daughter with a 21year old when she first got with him?

And actually if the girl is currently 17years old and her mum's birthday is coming up that means he got her pregnant at 12 years old not 13! Shock

I would not let him anywhere near your child and would actually inform social services if he is around yours sisters children as they are in danger.

butterfly2015 · 26/03/2015 14:58

Yanbu. I would be very wary about leaving my kids with someone who had a relationship with a 13 year old when they were 20. When was his dd born? She might only have been 12 when she got pregnant. Alarm bells ringing loudly.

LittleBairn · 26/03/2015 15:00

YANBU there is no way I would want him around my daughter.

Fairy13 · 26/03/2015 15:02

A 20 year old man that knowingly had sex with a 13 year old child is a sex offender.

YANBU and if your sister has children you need to speak with the police.

Satsumafairy · 26/03/2015 15:09

That's really disturbing op. Yanbu.

londonrach · 26/03/2015 15:10

Yanbu. 13 to 16 year old with a 13 year old maybe but a 20 year old adult with a 13 year old girl!!!!! Why isnt he on the sex register?

WaxOnWaxOff · 26/03/2015 15:15

I'm not at all implying that he's a paedophile

he is.

he was a 20 year old man who got a 12/13 year old child pregnant.

No child of mine would be going anywhere near him.

ImperialBlether · 26/03/2015 15:16

Yes, she would have been 12 when she got pregnant. And lo and behold, when she's 16, the relationship ended.

Your sister is hiding her head in the sand. What exactly should you be apologising for?

londonrach · 26/03/2015 15:17

Op does your sister have any dd?

EeyoresTail · 26/03/2015 15:20

Wow Shock
I'd be concerned that your DSis doesn't see what is wrong with that!
Does anyone else in your family know?
What is their take on it?
I'd not let him anywhere near my children whether alone or not and sod the consequences.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/03/2015 15:21

I'm assuming all of this was hushed up at the time OP?

Did the sex offenders register (or something like it) exist 17 years ago? Because if it did he should be on it, and have a criminal record, and probably have spent time in prison.

How were social services and the police not aware of this at the time?

Jackie0 · 26/03/2015 15:26

Oh my god !
Did he go to prison ?
That's so fucked up

kewtogetin · 26/03/2015 15:33

Surely he would be on the sex offenders register (it began in 1997)?? And there is absolutely no way he would have been allowed to continue his 'relationship' with her. There is no question, he is a paedophile, and no 12 year old daughter of mine would be left alone with him.

TheSingingMonkey · 26/03/2015 15:39

Did nothing happen? Surely it was picked up by somebody. Surely he wouldn't have had access to the child or if he did the child would have been removed?

TwinkieTwinkle · 26/03/2015 15:45

How does he have a relationship with the child he fathered through child abuse?!

duckbilled · 26/03/2015 15:50

He is 100% a pedophile.

kewtogetin · 26/03/2015 15:54

Something doesn't ring true about this.