To not want my DC around him?

[UseYourFingers]

My sister has been with her partner for 9 years, getting married in December. He has a 17 year old daughter from a previous partner. Was chatting with the daughter and she mentioned it was her mums 30th birthday party coming up. I presumed I'd misheard but mentioned it to my sister, and she confirmed that her DP got a 13 year old girl pregnant WHEN HE WAS 20!

This has made me feel really ill.

We are supposed to be going to Barcelona for her hen weekend in June and her DP was going to have all the kids, including my DD who is 12.
I've told her I don't want this to happen anymore and it's caused a huge argument. I'm not to attend the wedding until I've apologised to him.

I feel really bad. He has babysat before and I feel that I should have been made aware of all this. I've lost all sense of trust towards him and my sister.

I'm not at all implying that he is a paedophile but I can't shake off the notion that at one point in his adult life he was sexually attracted to a child. He was in a relationship with the girl until their daughter was 3.

I don't know what to do or think. Has anyone got any advice?

How terrible OP. Yanbu at all, I would mostly be very very upset with the sister for not telling you before now and trying to hide it.

Good grief that's terrible I can't believe your sister is so blasé about it!

Did you go to the police? What happened?

I hope hte police have given you good advice.

I'd second Textfan's comment that all members of your family need to know this - they can't be left to think he's safe.

Definately make sure any other parents who's DCs he might be looking after know why you aren't going on the hen do or will let him be incharge of your DD.

I can't actually believe this thread ! Surely someone from the family know the age thing etc, no ynbu but fact its common knowledge and no one has acted on it is awful

I've just been browsing our local newspaper and read this story, I immediately thought of this thread:

www.stokesentinel.co.uk/Mechanic-sex-13-year-old-girl-brought-bike-garage/story-26261248-detail/story.html

For anyone who doesn't want to click, in a nutshell its a tale of an 18 year old guy who slept with a 13 year old girl. His sentence was 12 months suspended, 120 hours community service and 10 years on the sex offenders register. The Judge commented "You behaved in an extremely irresponsible way. There is a huge difference between an 18-year-old and a 13-year-old."

Perhaps your sister might like to read that article.

What a depressing thread! OP you are brilliant for refusing to back down and swallow the lies and deceit of your sister and her sex offender of a fiance. I would be unforgiving that your sister exposed your dc to him without telling you he was .as an adult sexually attracted.to a.child.

Bloody hell. Right, in the UK sex with a 12 year old is automatically rape, as under 13s are considered unable to consent to sex. A 13 year old having sex with another young teen may just be unwise choices (though the parents may actually get in trouble for failure to protect)...but with a 20 year old??!!?!? That may not be paedophilia, but it sure as hell is child sexual abuse.

Frankly, leaving your 12 year old daughter in his care, now that you know, is something you'd do over your dead body. Or possibly his.

nocoolnamesleft that's incorrect.

Under 13s cannot consent to any sexual activity, under 16s cannot consent to sexual intercourse, not sure why you think the age of consent is 13.