daughter home from university

[yoyoyoy]

My dd is at uni and will be coming home for holidays . I am a single parent on a very limited income ( less than £15k pa) . She lives on a student loan and grant topped up with £200 a month from her dad , my ex . Aibu to charge her something when she is home ? I have broached the subject with her but she got very stroppy about it but it seems to me that as she will be at home for a third of the year and using my food and utilities it wouldn't be unreasonable to expect a small contribution from her . She is adamant that she won't get a job as she is tired from studying and needs to recharge her batteries but othe uni age kids seem to be able to work a few hours a work , so why won't she . She seems to be able to live on her loans/grant and money from dad as she doesn't go out much at uni and certainly doesn't go out drinking at all and when home hardly ever leaves the house . I am minded to say that if she won't give me some money for her keep she can spend half the holidays with her dad and he can keep her for a while . Any ideas ?

You could ask her to contribute to food or buy her own food, surely u would be paying other bills anyway.

YANBU.
she should be be paying something towards her keep.
and yes, i agree she could go to her dad's for a bit if she won't cough up.

Even when she's home she has to pay the rent on her uni accommodation. That's the contract. So she'll be paying twice.
Do you want her home? If so then I think you have to accept she can't afford two lots of rent. She should pay for her food though instead?

It depends on her course workload re getting a pt job. during term time. As long as she didn't take the proverbial re running up bills and scoffing expensive food I would be happy to keep her for a couple of weeks at Easter but not for the Summer. so which hols do you mean? Is she back in Uni after Easter or is she finished for the year then.

Could you speak to her dad and maybe get a little bit of that allowance sent to you instead?

I meant for her third year, not the holidays.

When I was at uni I paid rent 12 months of the year. If I was being billed for rent at home I'd have stayed at uni over the holidays.

Food and contributing around the house, yes. Rent not so sure

Yabu I am afraid. She already lives on not a lot and you aren't able to contribute anything to her education at uni or her living expenses. You don't want her to feel unwelcome.

Does she have to pay rent on her uni place year round or term time only?

It sounds like she's being very sensible with her money, not going out, drinking etc, so maybe she doesn't have the money to pay you holiday rent and have enough to live on herself.

My mum was a single parent, and if she'd have insisted on rent at home I'd have been financially stuffed as I didn't have the money. My job paid living expenses, my grant paid uni rent, and that was it.

Talk to her, see how she is actually coping financially. If she's loaded and has lots of spare cash (which I doubt) by all means charge rent, but I think it's more likely you'll be leaving her short.

Discuss it and see if there are ways the two of you can save when she's home.

I agree with itsbetterthanabox.

She is still paying for her accommodation over the Easter holidays.
I am in a similar situation with my DS who comes home every weekend.He DOES work over the summer holidays.It isn't so much the groceries, it is if we go out bowling for example or to the cinema , oh and holidays (!) that really adds up..But i don't feel as though I can refuse to pay because ehe is still in full time education.He gets loan and grant + £4500 per year fro his university.he doesn't go out at all in the week and scarcely eats (that is another worry as he is now clinically underweight)
I saw his bank statement the other day and he has £8k in there at the end of term!

I had to pay rent for the entire year I was at uni. If I had to pay rent at home on top, I would be utterly skint. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask for a bit towards the food (her share) as she would have to buy her own anyway. However, if it was my daughter home from university, I probably would as for food/rent/utility money unless I was really struggling. Things like going out with friends and treats would totally be on her though.

Wouldn't ask for... Silly phone.

Are you talking about the three month summer holidays? If so, I think she's being unreasonable not to work, even if she doesn't give anything to you. She will need a good cv when she applies for jobs after university and at her age tiredness should be overcome after a few days' rest.

I agree with PP she is paying rent already, YABU

I think it's totally reasonable to expect her to get a summer job and to contribute towards food costs for the summer.

Surely your other outgoings will remain the same? Doesn't seem fair to expect her her pay towards them if they aren't changed by her presence.

Yabu.

I am a bit on the fence, simply because she is refusing to work. I won't be charging dsd rent when she comes home from uni. She starts in September. However I can afford not to. I will also have to give her an allowance. I have been trying to get her to get a job but she hasn't found one yet - probably not trying hard enough. I have made it clear if she doesn't work then no extras at all, whereas if she works and still can't afford something chances are I will help her.

I think as she won't work, tell her she is responsible for her own food and toiletries.

YANBU. I always worked in the holidays when I was at uni (and in most term-times as well, part-time and/or weekends and evenings. Isn't that quite normal?

Does she pay rent all year round at uni? (I know pps are saying she does, but I'm not sure the OP has said that).

If she does, and she doesn't want to pay you a contribution, I'd suggest
she stays in her uni accommodation.

Yabu so much so I wonder if this is a reverse.

My parents did this to me over 30 years ago. I stopped coming home for holidays because I couldn't afford to.

My parents didn't charge me rent when I went home in the holidays. I wouldn't have been able to afford it. I did however support myself financially through my degree and post-grad and always had a job. She needs to get off her ass and get a job! I don't remember ever having to 'recharge my batteries' at uni.

Sorry , I didn't explain very well , I only really meant to cover the extra food bills and a little bit towards the extra gas/ electric and especially the extra internet use . I wouldn't expect her to pay rent as such . If she doesn't want to work during term time thats ok but I can't see why she can't find some work during the summer hols . I'm not suggesting full time work but just a few hours a week . And I can manage to fund her for Xmas and Easter hols it really is only the long summer break that is a problem .

Not on at all for her to refuse to seek work during the long summer break. Apart from anything else how does she expect to get a job after graduation without experience of some kind?

As pps have said it partly depends on if she's paying rent/bills elsewhere over the holidays. But if paying rent elsewhere over summer she would presumably live there so the problem wouldn't arise.

If not paying or staying elsewhere she should contribute to your household financially and practically, eg cleaning, cooking.

Surely the internet is fixed?