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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are we out of order if we name our baby with the same name as our friend's baby?

193 replies

spad · 15/03/2015 23:45

So, our third baby is due soon. I am CERTAIN he will be our third boy. So as you can imagine we are struggling with names we both like.

My friend has one baby who is her pfb ds. Is it really bad form if we choose the same name for our third ds? And do I have to 'apologise' for it when the time comes?

OP posts:

Smooshface · 17/03/2015 16:03

Oh and one of my friends tried to lay claim to an old lady name I loved while pregnant because it was her gran's name. She was single and childless, but basically implied I couldn't use the name as I had no connection to it (like her). I still haven't used the name, didn't suit anyway!

One of my other friends has same boy name picked out that we want if we have a boy. We live miles away so would just deal with it, happy for them to use, would be delighted if they had babies :)

frommummytomum · 17/03/2015 21:45

My best friend (although we live miles away) called her DD the same name and spelling as my DD and it didn't bother me in the slightest, I was rather proud.

When my DD and her DS were little she would always say that she wanted her as she was super cute (and still is) and when she finally fell pregnant and found out she was having a girl she wanted to use the name - it honestly didn't bother me in the slightest.

April1984 · 18/03/2015 05:36

I personally don't think it's an issue and would go with the name you want, especially if it isn't a really unique name. I would. You don't own a name and I know if I avoided all the names of my friends children it becomes quite slim pickings as we have similar taste and why should you have to chose something totally different just because they had their child first? I may have the same dilemma in the future and may say something after the event to my friend but I wouldn't be overly apologetic, she didn't make that name up. Hope this doesn't sound too harsh!

Pukkapik · 18/03/2015 09:32

Personally I would be pleased, maybe even flattered, and feel my choice of name was endorsed if someone else used it.
I have 4DC and when we come across another child with same name the children love to meet another 'Felix', 'Freddie' whatever.
As for choosing the same name as someone else, I only wouldn't if I knew the earlier born child had died, as I think that could be too upsetting/sensitive for the other parents - as an earlier poster also said.

TheOneWiththeNicestSmile · 18/03/2015 11:26

My niece named her DC1 the short form of one of mine (think Kate/Katharine; but ours with the long form is always called the short form). There's an age gap of more than 15 years though.

she subsequently gave her DC2 the same name as another of mine as a middle name (age gap over 20 years there & the middle name isn't ever used)

The first name is a top 10 one while the second isn't even top 100, but anyway, I was actually quite flattered that she liked my taste in names so much

SylvaniansAtEase · 18/03/2015 11:33

Harry, Tom, Daniel, Oliver - fine.

Felix, Finn, Sebastian - much frostiness.

Horatio, Algernon, Percy - bye bye friendship.

Wendlebrot Threeweddings - Total WAR.

kwerty · 18/03/2015 11:39

I think you will find Felix, Finn and Sebastian are very popular right now, probably more so than Daniel?

Trickydecision · 18/03/2015 11:49

No you can't own a name, nevertheless we would have been rather miffed if some friends had stuck with naming their new guinea pig Reuben, despite another friend dashing round to tell them it was going to be the name of our newborn DS.

Carrie5608 · 18/03/2015 12:02

Seriously if your friend is annoyed she needs to get over herself. If she says anything text back something not inflammatory like "we just think its a beautiful name too".

I come from a large family I have a first cousin with same first and last name as me. She is older. it was never an issue. I also have two other first cousins who both have same first and last name. Their Dads are brothers. Both called after GF.

popcornpaws · 18/03/2015 12:23

I'd be flattered that you liked the name as much as we did when we named her.
I love my DD's name, i think its timeless and classic, and would tell you that when you announced your childs name.

Stratter5 · 18/03/2015 13:12

I think it's fine. Your DC will have his name for his whole life, in a few years you may well have lost touch with this odd friend.

wildpoppy · 18/03/2015 13:21

No one owns a name. And if she stops being your friend over this then she isn't a friend at all. tbh am surprised she's still your friend after lack on congratulations when your first child born.

KittensOnAPlane · 18/03/2015 14:59

I think this is a stupid thing to worry about in my own opinion, really its a name, you see her once a year - ffs if she has a problem about that then shes unhinged, and you'll be getting a lucky escape.

Call your child what you want to call your child! (and if you dont because your friend has one with the same name, ask yourself if you are old enough to have a child in the first place!) Yes its fine to think, oh its the same name, but no its not ok to consider not using it because someone you know used it!

KittensOnAPlane · 18/03/2015 15:00

" nevertheless we would have been rather miffed if some friends had stuck with naming their new guinea pig Reuben, despite another friend dashing round to tell them it was going to be the name of our newborn DS."

Why?

Trickydecision · 18/03/2015 15:42

Kittens, miffed for absolutely no rational reason whatsoever but miffed nevertheless. I doubt if the guinea pig would have been too flattered either. (puts on guinea pig voice) "why are you calling me after a pink squealer with no fur?)

pastaofplenty · 18/03/2015 15:53

How about looking at it another way?

You say this friend is a bit odd anyway - do you really want to name your third DS after her son - won't it remind you of her constantly?

I would find another name OP - but not for the reasons you fear

KittensOnAPlane · 18/03/2015 16:21

lol Tricky!

houghtonk76 · 21/03/2015 06:56

Spad, I agree, don't see her regularly enough to be a real problem & as long as you sound her out by emailing you are considering it, so its not surprise when baby arrives (as well as if just standard name, rather than something way out where its obvious you're copying - I have an unusual name, my son (first child) who is due in 10 days will have a very normal British one as a result, as name hell is not fun trust me, especially when you're a teenager). I mean honestly, do your family know her well enough to find out you told her? Just swear hubby to secrecy til baby's born (we've nearly given ours away to family twice, but luckily no one noticed either time)!! We did have a plan for middle name (after my Dad) originally, but my sister's first child, also a boy, was born in Nov and given that middle name (made sense tho cos her hubby's Dad passed away several years ago & he has both as middle names; so fair dos, she got in first & we have chosen an equally good, normal middle name, which is same as my brother-in-law instead (who is highly unlikely to have his own family) - my family don't know we had to switch name though, I mean, does it serve anyone for them to know? Nope.

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