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Original poster

Are we out of order if we name our baby with the same name as our friend's baby?

193 replies

spad · 15/03/2015 23:45

So, our third baby is due soon. I am CERTAIN he will be our third boy. So as you can imagine we are struggling with names we both like.

My friend has one baby who is her pfb ds. Is it really bad form if we choose the same name for our third ds? And do I have to 'apologise' for it when the time comes?

OP posts:
Original poster
spad · 16/03/2015 00:13

Well in fairness she can be arsey about a lot of things. She is a very strong minded person and in the past I have cut her a lot of slack.

When I had my first baby she didn't email a congratulations reply for nearly three months and then it said, 'congratulations on your baby, I'm pregnant.'

I am not exaggerating.

She is good company and we have a lot of shared history but because of various past events I would find confiding in her difficult. You know in that way that if you trust someone with something it is very rare for it to not, at some point, bite you back on the bum.

OP posts:
TheCraicDealer · 16/03/2015 00:14

I wouldn't even apologise for it to be honest. If it was a really unusual name or you lived down the road or they were born very close together she might have grounds to be annoyed. But none of those apply. Just send her a text with "like to announce the safe arrival of Harry [middle name] blah blah etc". Making sure you note the middle name is important, if you're having one anyway. Makes it even less samey.

Sagethyme · 16/03/2015 00:19

Names to not have one ownership!
If you like it then use it, tbh i'd think it complimentary if someone else chose same name as me! The only time i could see a potential problem is if your dc were same age, but they are not so where is the issue?!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 16/03/2015 00:23

Is it really like Harry? If so I wouldn't even mention it. If it's more line Rowan (so not Horatio but a bit more unusual) then I probably would mention it. You can call your baby whatever you like but people can be funny too.

wreckingball · 16/03/2015 00:24

Well maybe not so cross, but if they were close friends and I might still be a bit miffed.
BUT I would never say any more than 'WOW, you chose a great name'!

But I would still be a bit miffed inside.

Bakeoffcake · 16/03/2015 00:27

I used to work in a Nursery and one of the mums called her baby the same name as my dd, who was 5 at the time.
Not just the first name but also the second name. She did actually apologise to me but said she loved the combination so much, she couldn't help it.

It didn't bother me in the slightest, I think it's nice that there is another little girl with the same name as dd(which is quite unusual).

If I were you OP I wouldn't be worried about it. It sent as if you see this friend very often anyway.

wreckingball · 16/03/2015 00:27

Oh crumbs, things move on so quick!

Mind you, DDs and DS1s names are slightly unusual and I get the huff if I hear a kid being called their name in Tesco.

And they are in their 20's now!

LulaMayBrown · 16/03/2015 00:29

I would go ahead and use the name. If she lived next door I wouldn't have, but because she lives so far away and isn't in your immediate circle I wouldn't worry too much. TBH she sounds more like a frenemy than a friend!

But if it was one of my friends I certainly would give her a call and just give her the heads up, even if it did mean giving her the info before I told my family. But then, my friends tend to be as close to me as sisters so it'd be like telling family.

wreckingball · 16/03/2015 00:33

Deirdre?

Cruel. Sad

Vijac · 16/03/2015 00:37

I would run it by her and ask if she minds. I wouldn't mind at all in this situation unless is chosen a very unusual name (I haven't). But I think is appreciate being asked if it was a close friend and might mind a bit if I wasn't c

Vijac · 16/03/2015 00:38

Just seen that you don't want to tell her first. Can't you just say you have a long list of names and that is one, would she mind if you happen to choose it. And tell her not to discuss your names with other friends.

lifesrichpageantry · 16/03/2015 00:39

A very close relative named their son the same name as our son.

The extended family was outraged! But honestly, my husband and I were mostly flattered (and amused by the storm it caused).

Nobody owns a name. In this case, they wanted to name their son after a relative who happened to be on the mother's side (and who is no relation to me or my family).

I have never understood this precious-ness about names. I wouldn't ask her permission, I would just name your child what you and your partner want to name him.

Congratulations BTW.

JustAScreenName · 16/03/2015 00:40

I don't think it would matter if you lived next door and the babies were the same age. I don't understand the mindset a person would have to have in order to get annoyed about someone else choosing to name their child whatever the hell they want to name them. Self-absorption in the extreme.

Fair enough if people say it would bother them in your friend's shoes, but the fact that it bothers them or might bother your friend is entirely their own / her own problem and shouldn't influence such a personal decision at all.

53Dragon · 16/03/2015 00:46

Go ahead and use the name! You see her once a year, she doesn't even live in the same country - if it's a nam you and dh both love then go for it. Don't 'consult' her first bcause what will you do if she says she minds? Go ahead anyway? That would lead to conflict. As it is you just have to say 'I know you're going to love the name - I hope you agree that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery' or whatever...

cinders456 · 16/03/2015 00:47

When naming our middle son, we decided on the same name that my cousin chose for her son about 9 years prior. She lives 6,000 miles away but I felt out of courtesy, I'd ask her if she minded. She was absolutely fine about it and seemed really happy. I think the fact that we mentioned it first and showed that we were considering her feelings helped.

DianeLockhart · 16/03/2015 00:47

If it's a common name and you barely see her then I wouldn't give it a second thought. It's fine.

loiner45 · 16/03/2015 00:48

No one ownes a name Confused she lives abroad, you rarely see her, I really don't get what the problem is. Call your child whatever you like! I was given the same (reasonably unusual) name as my parents best friends dd because my parents liked it. My dsis called her dd the same name as an older cousin in the family ... I had never heard of people being Hmm about using 'other people's names' until I came onto MN!

TheCraicDealer · 16/03/2015 01:01

Don't ask her fgs- if she didn't have the courtesy to say "congratulations" on the birth of your first DS why the hell should you ask her if she "minds" you using the same name? And if she turned around and said, "well actually I do mind, I would prefer you picked something else", then what would you do? From what you've said about your weirdly competitive friendship (have one of those too- totally get where you coming from here) that is probably going to be her reaction. Just present it as a fait accompli after baby is born, if she doesn't like it....!

Florrieboo · 16/03/2015 01:05

Don't overthink it, unless she invented the name you really don't need to ask her or tell or anything other than his name when he is born.

There are thousands of children born with the same names every day, I have an uncle and 3 cousins with the exact same name, first name and surname. I never remember an eyebrow being raised about it.

HopSkipCrash · 16/03/2015 03:37

Worse case scenario, you lose a friend. Which would you rather lose - the name or the friend? she sounds a pita

ArcheryAnnie · 16/03/2015 05:12

Those of you who say you'd be "miffed" at someone using your DCs names - why? I don't get it at all.

Original poster
spad · 16/03/2015 05:34

The craic dealer, you have nailed it.

And as for weirdly competitive, what is most annoying is that I am not like that and have previously always let her 'win'. Best job , happiest marriage, most amazing husband...

I am a bit older than her and having that 'status' doesn't interest me.

OP posts:
Original poster
spad · 16/03/2015 05:36

Archery

That is how I feel too. Even if your best ever friends baby was named and born the day after yours, how can you 'own' the name?

Although I would find it weird if middle names matched too.

OP posts:
maras2 · 16/03/2015 05:53

How can you be struggling to find a third boy's name? There's thousands.Find one that is not your friends kid's name.It's not too difficult really is it?

temporarilyjerry · 16/03/2015 05:54

I didn't call DD my favourite name because we knew someone who had a child with the same name and nn. We called DD the nn but I do regret not giving her the longer version, especially because we don't know them now, twelve years on.

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