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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we out of order if we name our baby with the same name as our friend's baby?

193 replies

spad · 15/03/2015 23:45

So, our third baby is due soon. I am CERTAIN he will be our third boy. So as you can imagine we are struggling with names we both like.

My friend has one baby who is her pfb ds. Is it really bad form if we choose the same name for our third ds? And do I have to 'apologise' for it when the time comes?

OP posts:
maras2 · 16/03/2015 05:55

^ not ^ too difficult.

MythicalKings · 16/03/2015 05:55

I wouldn't do it. There are thousands of names, I wouldn't want DS to have the same name as someone else in the same circle of friends and family. He deserves his own name.

Original poster
spad · 16/03/2015 06:03

Maras

Why would I say I was finding it difficult if I didn't think it was?

OP posts:
BlueEyedWonder · 16/03/2015 06:42

My eldest is 12 now. My SIL just had their first baby and they called it my eldest's middle name.
Whilst DH and I have not and would not make comment to them about this, privately we both said it wasn't something we'd have done. Obviously we don't own the name and it is a popular one so I can see both arguments here!

Bibasbottom · 16/03/2015 06:42

I really can't see a problem here, especially considering the distance.

Duckdeamon · 16/03/2015 06:48

Mo problem here at all, just use the name if your H likes it too.

Duckdeamon · 16/03/2015 06:49

But what if this baby is a girl? Does your friend have a DD with a good name too? Wink

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 16/03/2015 06:53

As a pp said,the worst case senario is that you lose a not very great friend.

But you need to weigh that up against you DH's wishes and your own feelings. Which matters more?

Personally I would pick the name.

CrystalCove · 16/03/2015 07:03

Of course no one "owns" a name but if it was a close friend who you see a lot then I wouldn't consider it. By it isn't so go ahead if you want, there are 1000s of names available I don't see why one exactly the same as you're best friend has to be the "one". ( and I know this isn't the case with you OP).

cowmop · 16/03/2015 07:07

When I was pregnant with pfb dh and I mentioned to a friend we were thinking of Emily for if pfb was a girl. She flipped; had a real rant how that was her baby name, she had chosen it years ago and there was no way we could have it. At this point she had a boyfriend, but they were rocky and didn't live together and had no plans to have a child. To be honest it was one of the things that made me realise I don't need friends like this.

If you are worried about a similar reaction, I think you need to get a new friend.

Eva50 · 16/03/2015 07:09

All my dc's have names that are quite unusual where we live. If a friend decided to call her dc one of them I wouldn't think anything of it. We chose one of my (then) 5 week old nephews middle names for ds2's first name. It was my Dad's name. I wouldn't have used it if it had been chosen for his first name but I'm fairly sure my sister knew I was calling my ds that before her ds was born. Neither of us are bothered (as far as I am aware).

I'm doing our family tree at the moment and there are many shared names throughout the generations. We are the first generation who have not done this (except ds2).

BeeInYourBonnet · 16/03/2015 07:10

Am shocked by the responses and preciousness on this thread.
It wouldn't even occur to me that it would be a problem, unless it was a niece or nephew.
I really wonder how such easily offended people manage to operate day to day, it must be very wearing taking everything so personally.

Only1scoop · 16/03/2015 07:13

I wouldn't ....if I completely have to use the name I would run it by my friend first.

evertonmint · 16/03/2015 07:14

Don't ask her opinion. If you want to use the name, go for it.

If she then feels affronted, it's her issue to deal with. Nobody owns a name.

Certainly don't give her any opportunity to have an opinion beforehand - then if you still go ahead after she's said no, you're the arsey one: why ask if you're going to do it anyway?

youarekiddingme · 16/03/2015 07:16

Call him (or her Wink) what you like. Names belong to the person who owns it. Therefore loads of people own Harry!

My best friend and I were living in different countries when our dcs were born. They were born 8 then 10 months apart. Her DD, my DS and then her DD2.
Her DD1 would have had my DS name if she was a boy.
My DS would have had a version of her DD2 name if he was a girl!

They all have different names - but 2 could have shared. We are friend and have so much in common - hardly surprising children's names are one of those things.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 16/03/2015 07:17

It wouldn't bother me at all, in fact it would be flattering.

MrsMook · 16/03/2015 07:19

DS shares his name with a cousin that we rarely see. It's a common name and they are named after the same relative. The name is rarely out of the top 10, so I can't claim any exclusive rights to it.

I'm only put off sharing a name if it's impractical for example one of the girls names I love is having a phase where we consistenly have 2 or 3 Brownies with it, and having my own of the same name felt like it would be confusing.

You rarely see this friend. Go with the name you love.

calzone · 16/03/2015 07:23

Just name the baby whatever you like.

No one owns a name.
She lives far away.
She is not a close friend.

My Mum's best friend called 2 of her boys the exact same name as 2 of my brothers. Often thought that was odd.

KERALA1 · 16/03/2015 07:23

Never understood this. You can't own a name. Especially funny when people get preciously possessive about an uber popular name like Eve or ben. The only thing I would feel if someone "copied" is flattered.

DixieNormas · 16/03/2015 07:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki · 16/03/2015 08:10

Just use it.
Might be a girl anyway.

mrsm16 · 16/03/2015 08:18

Definitely use it! on ds1 we didn't use a name because an old friend and my cousin both used it in the weeks before my ds was born! have seen those children max 3 times in the last 3 years so going to use that name for ds 2 due soon. although my cousin just used it as her ds middle name recently (one I see regularly and she will be ds godmother) hadn't even thought about her being offended but reading some posts here I'm not so sure now!

LadyRainicorn · 16/03/2015 08:19

Why not just fuck it all and call your new kid Otter? Unisex!

Alisvolatpropiis · 16/03/2015 08:19

It's a bit weird, in my opinion. I think I'd be somewhat peeved if a friend did the same to me.

LadyRainicorn · 16/03/2015 08:20

See what your 'friend' makes of that. Oh, and have her son's name as a middle name. Especially if you have a girl.