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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we out of order if we name our baby with the same name as our friend's baby?

193 replies

spad · 15/03/2015 23:45

So, our third baby is due soon. I am CERTAIN he will be our third boy. So as you can imagine we are struggling with names we both like.

My friend has one baby who is her pfb ds. Is it really bad form if we choose the same name for our third ds? And do I have to 'apologise' for it when the time comes?

OP posts:
Original poster
spad · 16/03/2015 14:41

I guess you are right. I suppose I expected lots is posts saying it was no big deal.

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 16/03/2015 14:42

i'd just go ahead
when you email to tell not ask then you can always butter it up a bit

Original poster
spad · 16/03/2015 14:45

Fairy Anne

After all of this I think I've gone off the name!

OP posts:
lauralouise8 · 16/03/2015 14:56

OP have you always liked the name (independently of your friend's choice) or are you 'inspired/nicking' (depending on differing points of view!) from her? I think it does make a difference. I always wanted to use my grandmother's name (a pretty name, not unusual but uncommon) but blow me down when six months' before DD arrived, a male colleague named his daughter the same name. I asked him if he and his wife would mind and explained the context. They were very gracious about it. I think it might have been different if I'd picked it after hearing of their choice.

It is a thorny topic tho. BIL and SIL gave us there list of names and warned us off using them. Nice.....

lauralouise8 · 16/03/2015 14:57

sorry their not there. Must read back before posting.....

SocialMediaAddict · 16/03/2015 15:02

It wouldn't bother me at all.

Joshuajosephspork · 16/03/2015 15:23

'My eldest is 12 now. My SIL just had their first baby and they called it my eldest's middle name.
Whilst DH and I have not and would not make comment to them about this, privately we both said it wasn't something we'd have done.'

Really? Really? Twelve years apart and a middle name to boot? I don't think I even know any of my cousins' middle names. This is name preciousness gorn mad, gorn mad I tell you

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 16/03/2015 15:26

It's no big deal OP unless it's a genuinely rare name

Behindthepaintedgarden · 16/03/2015 15:32

Well, if it's a name like Emily or Jack, your friends can't really claim that it's unique amongst their circle to their child. If it's an obscure family name, that's rarely used, then yes it would look as if you're simply copying them.

cashewnutty · 16/03/2015 15:34

I have two sets of friends who called their DC's the same names. The first ones are best friends who had DD's about two months apart and both knew that they were going to call them the same name (nothing weird about it, they both just liked the same name). The two girls are best friends and it has never been an issue.

The other two are also very close friends and called their DD's the same name about 2 years apart. They both liked the name and again there has never been any issue with it. I used my niece's middle name (but a different spelling) for my DD2's first name.

I have no idea why using the same names is such a big thing on MN. It's your child. Call them whatever you want.

liquidstateisonthemulled · 16/03/2015 15:35

Names run in twos in my family. I luffs my cousin liquidstate. Grin

Use the name you want and just ignore any fallout that 'may' happen. She may surprise you.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 16/03/2015 15:56

My friend asked my permission to call her dd 'after' my dd. It's a pretty irish name. Not that common over here but like being called Sarah in Ireland. I told her no one owns a name but she loves my dd and her name so deliberately wanted to name her after my little girl. I have to say I was hugely flattered. Everyone who spends time with her tells me how lovely, beautiful and sweet she is. No one ever mentions my other two kids. :o

kathryng90 · 16/03/2015 16:02

My best friend who I see most days had her baby 3 months before me. I shared my girl name and she called her daughter it. The name has a long and short version and I wanted the short one she called hers the long one and said she would use the shortened one too (they are very different). She has never shortened it. I called my daughter a name that sounds like the shortened version I wanted!

landrover · 16/03/2015 16:07

Names following a theme though? Hmm

dingalong · 16/03/2015 16:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cockbollocks · 16/03/2015 16:14

I wouldn't if it was someone you see fairly regularly and consider a friend.

In your situation I would, and when announcing I would be inclined to just tell her "new baby has arrived - he is called X, we have always loved the name especially hearing it on your DS, great minds think alike, ha ha"

Let her be pissed off if she is, she lives such a long way away its not a problem.

NorwegianBirdhouse · 16/03/2015 16:22

I cannot believe that so many people think you should run it past her, esp given that she lives abroad. You have every right to use the name. It wouldn't bother me at all. It would be very childish of her to claim she got it first. She probably will be flattered anyway. Just use it and when she hears, tell her you have always loved the name and it goes well with your other boys.

SallyMcgally · 16/03/2015 16:25

Another one who can't believe that people can't just give a child the name they like. I'm a bit bitter though, as I don't like my name, and my DM was going to give me a MUCH better one except one of her friends had a daughter with the same name. That family then moved anyway, and there wasn't much contact. I always thought it was bloody stupid that I didn't get the nice name.

Choccyhobnob · 16/03/2015 16:35

I had/have a similar dilemma where 5 of my friends and my cousin are all expecting babies before me and I have my heart set on one boy's name and one girl's name.

I was getting myself quite upset at the thought that one of them will use the name I love but after posting a thread about it I realised I don't care that much. In terms of 'closeness' DH is very close to the husbands, I'm not that close to the wives. I only see them at weddings/christenings/30th birthday parties, don't socialise separately. I realised I don't want to give up the name I love for the sake of some people I see 4 or 5 times a year (DH doesn't care btw!)

Still not sure how I feel about my cousin though but she's due next week so we'll soon see!

fakenamefornow · 16/03/2015 17:43

I agree with the just use the name crowd.

The only time I'd have serious second thoughts about it, in fact wouldn't use it, would be if the other couple's baby had died or something really terrible like that.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 16/03/2015 21:17

Three wedding ceremonies is not at all unusual if you are from opposite ends of the globe. A legal ceremony to sort out visas/immigration/paperwork, a ceremony in one native country with one family and traditions, then off to the other side of the earth to celebrate with the other family.

I know half-a-dozen couples who've had to do that and none of them were "selfish".

It's pretty shitty to criticise that.

MirandaGoshawk · 16/03/2015 21:42

I am amazed that you are even thinking twice about using a name you love. What happens if you back down & call him something else instead - let's say Horatio - and then someone moves in next door with a ds called Horatio? Or little Horatio's bestie at school turns out to be another Horatio? Will you change his name to suit them?

The point I'm trying to make not very successfully is that you can only suit yourselves. Name DS your chosen name and then tell your friend that you loved the name so much that you had to use it. She lives abroad ffs. I would be thrilled if a friend chose my DD's name it's unusual. And don't run it by her first - make it a fait accompli. She doesn't get to give her consent for your ds's name.

Maiyakat · 16/03/2015 22:09

I once knew someone who had a son called Joshua. She split from baby's dad and then met a new partner who also had a son - called Joshua. So you can plan baby names all you like, sometimes you still end up with 2 children of the same name living in the same house!

Charlotte3333 · 16/03/2015 22:20

I gave both my DS' names that run in my family; ES1 has the same middle name as my Dad, brother and nephew. Not because I felt pressured into it, either, I just loved the name. DS2's middle name is my favourite Uncle. It didn't occur to me to check or run it by anyone first (except DH, a little). If friends of ours used any of their names for their children I'd smile and agree they had magnificent choice in baby names.

Names don't belong to one person and unless they're siblings I see nothing wrong with sharing a name with another child.

ShadowStone · 16/03/2015 22:32

I wouldn't think twice about using a name that a work colleague had used, even if it was relatively uncommon.

My DC are likely to be in my life for far longer than any work colleague is.

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