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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL had a bit of a meltdown about my pregnancy

214 replies

FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 11:54

We announced it to our extended family and friends. Our parents already knew. Everyone's happy. Its supposed to be lovely....

SIL has had a meltdown.

Back story: Some time in January she was telling me that she and BIL (dh's brother) had big plans for this year. New more expensive house, new more expensive car etc they can be a bit flash and show offy from time to time, they never seem to be secure in what they have and are always 'keeping up' but that's another story.

Anyway, one of the new 'plans' was for another child, which would be their 4th (their youngest isn't 1 yet) now she's having a pop about the fact that I knew that she wanted another and I planned to do this, and we could have let them know before announcing it so it didn't come as such a shock and she could have processed it better...Hmm

Fwiw we didn't do this on purpose, we wanted another and had stopped the pill to start ttc, I just assumed it would take longer.

Aibu to be completely Shock by this?? I feel like I'm justifying! I'm an adult ffs!

OP posts:
animallover27 · 14/03/2015 12:50

YANBU she's outrageous. Your pregnancy has nothing to do with her. I would say: "I assume what you meant to say was congratulations?" That is the only acceptable response to your news. She sounds like a nightmare! What does your DH say?

championnibbler · 14/03/2015 12:51

my god, your SIL is a right twat, isn't she?
i feel sorry for her kids.

Dontknow87 · 14/03/2015 12:53

She's being immature. It sounds like she's never satisfied with what they have which is why shes getting wound up at you getting pregnant first IYSWIM

LittleBairn · 14/03/2015 12:53

WTF she has 3 kids already. Tell her to get a grip.

Lloydgeorge · 14/03/2015 12:54

That's awful...what is wrong with people? Does she normally act so entitled?

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 14/03/2015 12:55

Another vote for texting her the link to this thread ??

Original poster
FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 12:56

DH is obviously as shocked as me but he's really not a fighter, he just can't be arsed. He had a call from bil earlier saying 'what lovely news, congrats' so we think bil may have no idea about this. Or he's trying to smooth it over?

OP posts:
kungfupannda · 14/03/2015 12:57

Just start texting her whenever you have sex. Whatever time of day or night.

'Just thought I should give you a heads-up that I'm about to shag DH. I know you like to be kept in the loop.'

Original poster
FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 12:58

kungfu Grin

OP posts:
AlternativeTentacles · 14/03/2015 12:58

4am phone call. 'Just thought you might want to know, the condom broke. Hope that is ok with you.'

Ikabod · 14/03/2015 13:00

She sounds like the female version of my BIL. Can't decide if he's entertaining or a massive PITA...

Original poster
FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 13:00

You're all doing a marvellous job of cheering me up about this. Thank you.

OP posts:
kungfupannda · 14/03/2015 13:00

Yes. More details is good. Maybe do the texts in 'real time'

'Ooooh. Ooooh aaaah. That's good. Nearly there, nearly...YES YES YES! Night night SIL'

CuppaSarah · 14/03/2015 13:00

I have a SIL who can be very similar to yours by the sounds of it. All I can say is, do you think her actions are those of a happy person? She must be very insecure or have some very deep issues. While those aren't your responsibility to be dealing with. Please take it into account when talking to her. That said don't let her walk over you either. Just be mindful that in her eyes you probably have a wonderful, amazing life and she is very jealous.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!

kungfupannda · 14/03/2015 13:01

More detail even. Am not entirely illiterate.

specialsubject · 14/03/2015 13:05

she sounds about 12. Sympathy to the man and children who have to live with this fool.

hopefully it was just a moment of insanity. Jealousy has no place beyond the playground.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 14/03/2015 13:05

How about this for a reply:-

To be honest it never occurred to us that having a new niece or nephew was something that you'd need to "get over". We thought you'd be delighted. Especially as you are planning a little one of your own. I loved having / would have loved to have* a cousin of a similar age when I was growing up."

*delete as appropriate

HootyMcTooty · 14/03/2015 13:11

My DSis who has fertility issues behaved better than your SIL, both times I told her I was pregnant. She was pleased for me, though I have no doubt she cried when she wasn't around me. Your SIL is being v unreasonable. Ignore.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

PowderMum · 14/03/2015 13:12

Congratulations...

I never get this competitive living, it just takes too much effort (maybe I'm just lazy)

I remember having set a date for my wedding a very close relative went and got herself pregnant just before the event, it didn't derail my plans and the fact it was kept under wraps until after the event was her choice not mine.

A few years ago another relative (who sounds very similar too your SIL) was happily with a partner and already with 1 child and made a life plan of new bigger house and, next child this year and a big all singing all dancing wedding the following year. The plan started well, house sorted, fell pregnant quickly, she then unfortunately had a miscarriage, but was already announcing when she was trying again and planning the most extravagant wedding I have known outside the Royal family. Her SIL then announced after years of TTC she was pregnant and this women just lost it completely, how could SIL ruin her life so completely, did she have no thought of her feelings having miscarried (she was the one planning her next pregnancy), didn't SIL know that she needed to be the centre of attention and that her life and the wedding were the most important events for the next 12 months. Ok I did just paraphrase that bit but that was what she said in her own words.

The relationship never recovered, but the did both go on to have healthy DC

drbadbride · 14/03/2015 13:14

LOLing at kungfu's suggestion. OP, maybe tell your SIL that next time , you'll film the moment of conception and send it to her. Along the lines of this Family Guy clip:

Or, just don't bother replying. Poor SIL is clearly bonkers. Nothing you say or do will change this. Best to nod and smile, taking precisely zero notice of the fruitcakery.

LadyFlumpalot · 14/03/2015 13:17

Personally I'd just ignore her - she'll hate it as she clearly craves attention.

I've got a work friend who is a bit like your sister in law. She actually said to her future sister in law "you need to hurry up and set a date you know! I want to have a baby soon and I need to know when I will be a bridesmaid!"

GERTI · 14/03/2015 13:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LindyHemming · 14/03/2015 13:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bunbaker · 14/03/2015 13:28

Texting back and being confrontational will only make things worse, however tempting it is.

Ignore
Ignore
Ignore

Apatite1 · 14/03/2015 13:37

I wouldnt text back. I'd call her and let rip with both barrels into that narcissistic cretin. Woman actually believes the world revolves around her!