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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL had a bit of a meltdown about my pregnancy

214 replies

FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 11:54

We announced it to our extended family and friends. Our parents already knew. Everyone's happy. Its supposed to be lovely....

SIL has had a meltdown.

Back story: Some time in January she was telling me that she and BIL (dh's brother) had big plans for this year. New more expensive house, new more expensive car etc they can be a bit flash and show offy from time to time, they never seem to be secure in what they have and are always 'keeping up' but that's another story.

Anyway, one of the new 'plans' was for another child, which would be their 4th (their youngest isn't 1 yet) now she's having a pop about the fact that I knew that she wanted another and I planned to do this, and we could have let them know before announcing it so it didn't come as such a shock and she could have processed it better...Hmm

Fwiw we didn't do this on purpose, we wanted another and had stopped the pill to start ttc, I just assumed it would take longer.

Aibu to be completely Shock by this?? I feel like I'm justifying! I'm an adult ffs!

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/03/2015 12:20

Tell her to knob off. Its not like there's a limit on pregnancies in a family. Even if there was, it's still none of her bloody business.

Original poster
FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 12:24

Tentacles - if you would like to know the exact words, She sent a text that read: 'Fern, I appreciate it's exciting for you and DH and congrats and all that but I told you in good faith what we intended for this year and you've gone and ignored my feelings. I think you could have a least let us know before planning another baby and announcing it to the world. It would have been easier to get over'

...

OP posts:
Original poster
FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 12:25

I haven't bothered with a reply just yet. Bit astounded tbh.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 14/03/2015 12:26

Congratulations on your pregnancy and commiserations on your charming SIL.

Tell here you obviously picked out the better brother . . . no, perhaps not!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/03/2015 12:26

God, she's an utter twat.

It would have been easier to get over', well boo-bloody-hoo love Grin

RandomNPC · 14/03/2015 12:26

Does she have some sort of personality disorder? Just seems so extreme

Don't fucking lump her in with us.

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/03/2015 12:27

I would probably respond "have you been daytime drinking?".

I honestly would. She's a loon and should not be pandered to.

Bunbaker · 14/03/2015 12:27

Ignore the text. She will hate being ignored.

RatOnnaStick · 14/03/2015 12:27

I think texting ODFOD would be appropriate here Smile

crappyday · 14/03/2015 12:28

Perhaps you should reply " sorry about that, it's just that we have so much fantastic sex that we forgot to tell you in advance"

She's bonkers. Totally bonkers.

BitchBags · 14/03/2015 12:30

Wow she sounds very selfish! Does she think you have to ask her permission or something?

AlternativeTentacles · 14/03/2015 12:32

think you could have a least let us know before planning another baby and announcing it to the world.

Bahahaha.

Oh my goodness. People like this really want to be told before you decide what to do with your own body?

Boreoff456 · 14/03/2015 12:32

Yanbu I have been there. I was ttc for 18 months, both my dbro and sil knew i was, as i am very close to dbro. 2 weeks after they got engaged i found out i was pg. I waited to tell them. My sil didn't even acknowledge it, then told my parents I had ruined her wedding as she didn't want babies there but now had to because I would have a 6 month old and I should gave stopped ttc when they got engaged. Even when it was pointed out I fell pregnant just before their engagement, I just didn't know, she still wasn't happy.

Oldraver · 14/03/2015 12:32

She is frankly barmy, she is essentially saying you should run life decisions through her to make sure it doesn't take the shine off her 'plan'

Send her the reply above

Or just tell her she is barmy

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 14/03/2015 12:35

"I have no idea at all why dh and I should have told you our personal plans. There is nothing for you to get over. Why on Earth would our having another baby have any affect on your life, or be something that you had a right to know before the rest of the family? Let's just pretend you never sent that message for the sake of family harmony"

But I agree that not replying would drive her more insane, and if she ever refers to it say, "oh god I thought you were joking! Dh and I thought it was hilarious! As if anyone has a right to know about anyone else's family planning!"

Nomama · 14/03/2015 12:35

Oh, I am so glad we went NC donkey's years ago. Such angst as this made my life a misery (well, it did when I wasn't on the floor laughing).

You have every right to text back
"Oh do grow up dear!"

Enjoy your moment and don't give her another thought.

Orangeisthenewbanana · 14/03/2015 12:38

I would txt something like "oh, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't realise we needed your permission to procreate". I would be fuming!

She sounds madder than a sack of badgers Confused

AlternativeTentacles · 14/03/2015 12:39

I think a classic 'What the fuck has it got to do with you?' is in order.

or a 'Srsly?'

or 'WTF!'

Original poster
FernGullysWoollyPully · 14/03/2015 12:42

I love some of these responses. My finger is itchy to reply but I'm holding back.

We're going round to see PIL this afternoon, would be a terrible DIL if I let it slip into conversation?!

OP posts:
RandomNPC · 14/03/2015 12:44

Not said this before, but please Send her a link to this thread, then report back!

Bunbaker · 14/03/2015 12:44

Or if you showed them the text. Seriously, I think ignoring it would piss her off more than any reply you send. Besides, if you were rude to her she would use it against you.

FelixCulpa · 14/03/2015 12:45

I think FuckYouChris has a great reply. Especially the let's pretend you never sent that message part.

AlternativeTentacles · 14/03/2015 12:46

"oh god I thought you were joking! Dh and I thought it was hilarious! As if anyone has a right to know about anyone else's family planning!"
Or
"oh god I thought you were joking! Dh and I and the whole of mumsnet thought it was hilarious! As if anyone has a right to know about anyone else's family planning!"

AddToBasket · 14/03/2015 12:49

I'd text back.

"What a bizarre response. I assume you will be embarrassed about this in years to come. Perhaps we can talk about it when you have had some therapy for your self-absorption'.

SuperFlyHigh · 14/03/2015 12:50

The best thing to do seriously is to ignore. Otherwise you'll give her ammunition. I've got a sweet SIL but she goes on about 'stealing Thunder' eg possibly etc. I wouldn't intentionally piss her off but if something happened and it ending up unintentionally stealing someone else's Thunder then sorry I won't lose sleep over it!