MIL being present at birth - (AIBS rather than AIBU?)

[Number3cometome]

Hi ladies,

More of a AIBS (selfish) rather than AIBU (unreasonable)

Due to have a C-section for my 3rd baby (OH's 1st) in July.

Will more than likely be 38 weeks and will definitely be under a general anaesthetic.

OH is not allowed in the room (fair enough) and will wait outside, but has now asked me if (future)MIL can come along.

I understand that he needs support, and (f)MIL is lovely, we get on well.

I'm just in two minds about it - are you even allowed two people there?

Any experiences?

OH said he is very nervous about being a first time Dad and would like the support whilst I am in recovery.

I'm thinking I would like to try and b/feed baby and have skin to skin as soon as I can and I also feel sad that other people will see my baby before me.

Am I being selfish?

"I'd be very clear with DH that I didn't want anyone other than DH seeing the baby before me and only agree his mum is there on that understanding."

I think that's the hard thing tbh.

Would people really begrudge MIL a look at her GC?

OP, I once looked after someone who had an elective section under GA with lots of medical complications and her community midwife came up and sat with the dad whilst they waited. It did mean she got to see the baby before the mum but she didn't cuddle it or anything like that, she was there purely as a supportive role for dad. I thought that was a really nice thing for her to do. Do you think your community midwife would be willing to do anything like that? Although I guess it depends on the kind of relationship you have with her.

Failing that, you could always ask if one of the theatre team could be available to sit with him for a bit. I can understand why he's worried, it must be really scary sitting out there waiting on your own wondering what's going on.

I would imagine the theatre team will be too busy being, you know, in theatre. We have 3 theatre staff (scrub nurse, circulating nurse and anaesthetic tech) in addition to surgeon and anaesthetist (me). Which of us do you suggest leaves to sit with the father?

He's asked for support from someone and has valid reasons. Complicated Caesar under GA is nothing like keyhole surgery to remove an appendix. He obviously loves OP and is worried / scared for her.

The thought that when my sons are grown men that they will suddenly stop feeling fear, or concern, or need support because they are men and should "man up", be strong etc etc, would fill me with fear except it's nonsense.

However the original post suggested OP DH would be waiting outside the theatre door. It's highly unlikely they would allow two people to be waiting in theatres. He would normally also have to have a member of staff waiting with him, whether that's an orderly or recovery nurse or trainee.

Pre delivery he'd be waiting. Post delivery he'd have the baby to look after, plus the midwife who would normally leave theatre when the baby does. He isn't going to be alone, or shouldn't be.

As far as GA vs spinal goes - where possible all Caesars are under spinal (or epidural top up). Some women have a medical reason why they can't have a spinal (previous back surgery, heart valve conditions, blood clotting problems or being on medication to stop clots, not enough time if Caesar is an emergency), they have a GA. Occasionally women are just too scared at the thought of a regional block and request a GA too.

I wish I could have had a spinal block, I did with DD.

The community midwife would be nice although I have only met her twice as I am fully consultant led care but could ask?

I wouldn't expect theatre staff to look after him, I'd rather they were looking after me

I am going to speak to the midwife in the week, seeing as we will have a planned date she maybe be able to do that. OH has met her too so that could be very reassuring and she can show him what to do with DS.