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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Mumsnetters are quite antisocial?

209 replies

ifdaryldiesweriot · 06/03/2015 21:19

Just from reading different threads its just the feeling I get.

People don't answer the door or their home phone.

It has to be also be pre-arranged for anyone to pop over. My cousin came to deliver something today, no idea she was coming, happy to see her and invited her in.

People don't seem to like other people in their house, I was at a friends party last week. They were still up at 7am, I fell asleep and ended up staying the night - didn't ask and it wasn't a problem. I think this would horrify some.

A "girls night" seems to be viewed as rather childish.

If a partner has friends over it seems to have mutual agreement that this is annoying.

I could be very wrong and happy to be told so.

OP posts:
Bunbaker · 08/03/2015 19:06

"But I am Shock at the idea that knocking on a friend or neighbours door is the height of rudeness as has been suggested on this thread"

So am I.

perpetua72 · 08/03/2015 19:10

You think MN is bad, try the idiots at Etiquette Hell. From the way they pearl-clutch, you'd think anyone knocking on the door unannounced had shat on the doorstep or something.

That said, they're mostly Americans over there, so that might explain it.

Momagain1 · 08/03/2015 19:12

Most of the dont answerers maintain they will open the door to people they know or recognize. If I were your neighbor, treacle, i would recognize you, or at least be able to recognize you werent a cold caller or a JW. Not to mention, if i were your neighbor, I could easily give you my number and say I would rather you give me a ring, as I can't always answer the door.

treaclesoda · 08/03/2015 19:21

momagain it's not so much the 'I don't answer the door' people, because you're right, most people have said they will answer to someone they know.

I'm referring to the idea that even daring to knock someone's door is in itself horribly rude, that's the bit that has shocked me.

And in the situation I described with my neighbour (who in real life doesn't mind me occasionally knocking on their door) the thing is that if she was a door refuser, she couldn't actually give me her phone number to ask me to ring in advance because if she was a hypothetical door refuser she wouldn't come to the door in the first place in order to speak to me.

Burke1 · 08/03/2015 22:16

Madlizzy yes I do mean some of them, not all. Sexist terms like "mansplaining" are thrown about here far too often, and often from people who claim to be opposed to sexism and in favour of gender equality. Well how can you be in favour of gender equality when you openly discriminate against men, implying that all men are of lesser value, by using offensive, derogatory and pejorative terms like "mansplaining"? I concluded that the only people who use that phrase are those who aren't interested in equality, but would prefer "gender superiority" for women.

mewkins · 08/03/2015 22:21

I like a surprise visit. Breaks the monotony and also distracts one or other child from a meltdown usually. I always aswer my mobile but the home phone is always sales calls. I am quite sociable and will talk to random people at the park etc.

Ragwort · 08/03/2015 22:24

Coney - we do all that sort of socialising where I live - street parties etc. it's great - & we are planning a progressive dinner party - didn't realise it was something to be sniggered about Hmm.

I quite like answering the doors to JW and having a chat Grin.

I wonder if age has anything to do with this - I am mid 50s and it seems perfectly natural to me to answer a landline, answer your door and make general conversation with most people. Or am I dreadfully old fashioned?

Bunbaker · 09/03/2015 07:57

You might be right Ragwort. I am 56 and grew up with thinking that answering the landline and the front door were normal.

I think people are more insular these days. I like being old fashioned Grin

Roussette · 09/03/2015 08:07

I've just had to google 'progressive dinner party'! I didn't know what it was. I do now. We call it 'safari supper'. And yes, have done it, it's fun. But I'm not young so maybe that's why!

It can't be actually rude to knock at someone's door, can it? If I felt like that, I wouldn't have a front door, I'd only have a back door.

NobodyLivesHere · 09/03/2015 08:23

I dont think its rude to knock the door. But that still doesn't mean I'm going to answer it. I think if you aren't an introvert it's hard to understand the generalised anxiety people like me feel over answering the door/phone. I agonise over going to the shop and having to make small talk. It's exhausting yes, but I cant help it.

Ragwort · 09/03/2015 09:37

Bunbaker - let's stick to our old fashioned views Grin - I am exactly your age too Smile.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 09/03/2015 10:21

Well I have approximately an hour before I have to leave for work. Since I got back home from the school run I've not stopped as I got stuck into the various chores that needed doing. I'd like to spend the next hour sat down with something to eat and not be disturbed. So if someone knocks that I don't know then I won't be answering I'm afraid. If that makes me unsociable or selfish, too bad.

Ragwort · 09/03/2015 11:11

Mrs - my neighbour has just knocked on the door as she had cut herself very badly and needed help - I was then able to knock on the door of another neighbour who is a nurse and was able to help. Should we really just ignore people in these circumstances? Hmm.

Yes, it has disturbed me for 20 minutes - but equally I like to think if I needed help I could go to a neighbour rather than having to get a taxi to hospital or whatever.

Ragwort · 09/03/2015 11:13

PS - actually she had previously asked someone else to help her who just said she couldn't. Shock

Clockingoff · 09/03/2015 11:35

I would love to be a bit more extrovert and able to relax about people calling around unexpectedly. But I just hate unexpected knocks on the door. I just need to know if someone is going to call around so I can tidy the place a bit and be 'ready' for them. But I'm not unsociable. I have friends, a social life, an easy relationship with most of the people I work with etc.
But I'm introverted. My interests centre around creative activities, I hate organised structured things or team sports or being with large groups of people, and I need a certain amount of time to myself everyday.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 09/03/2015 15:42

Ragwort a neighbour is a bit different isn't it. I'm likely to know them if only by sight at the very least. I was referring to the likes of cold callers wanting to sell me something.

countessmarkyabitch · 09/03/2015 15:43

How do you know if its someone you know without answering?

OnlyLovers · 09/03/2015 15:46

You twitch the curtains, I imagine. Grin

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 09/03/2015 16:08

Yep, sneaky peek from behind the curtains Grin easy.

treaclesoda · 09/03/2015 16:15

My front door has loads of glass. If I leave the kitchen door ajar, I can look out into the mirror half way up the hall and see a reflection of who is at the door. If that person is wearing a tabard and carrying a clip board, I can carry on with what I'm doing Grin

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 09/03/2015 16:23

Treacle Grin

I can see my front door in the reflection of the window of the house over the road. If it's someone I don't know I don't get up.

geekymommy · 09/03/2015 17:36

On the internet, no one can see what a mess your house is or how late in the day you're in your pajamas.

Middlerose · 09/03/2015 18:52

Yes, there was an oddly-funny thread before Christmas about a homeless gent living in someone's shed. Pretty much every response told the OP to take him out a flask of soup and some blankets...

Hakluyt · 09/03/2015 19:26

Yeah- the rough sleeper thing was bizarre. But the number of normal human interactions that are roundly condemned on Mumsnet is equally bizarre. Apart from the washing taking in thing, I have been ranted at for offering to take my friend's children to the cinema, for stopping to give lifts, for (this is a good one)emptying and washing one of my children's friend's lunch box when they left it at my house one night, for offering to walk up and down with somebody's baby on a plane while they ate their lunch, for telling somebody their baby's sunshade had slipped and they were in full sun in their pram.........there are loads more....!

Pantone363 · 09/03/2015 19:34

I don't answer the door. Years of childhood conditioning to avoid police or debt collectors Grin means I have an almost pavlovian response of dropping to the floor and not breathing for 5 minutes