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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Mumsnetters are quite antisocial?

209 replies

ifdaryldiesweriot · 06/03/2015 21:19

Just from reading different threads its just the feeling I get.

People don't answer the door or their home phone.

It has to be also be pre-arranged for anyone to pop over. My cousin came to deliver something today, no idea she was coming, happy to see her and invited her in.

People don't seem to like other people in their house, I was at a friends party last week. They were still up at 7am, I fell asleep and ended up staying the night - didn't ask and it wasn't a problem. I think this would horrify some.

A "girls night" seems to be viewed as rather childish.

If a partner has friends over it seems to have mutual agreement that this is annoying.

I could be very wrong and happy to be told so.

OP posts:
sourpotato · 07/03/2015 10:59

I can be pretty unsociable. One time my house was a mess and I was having a bit of a nightmare morning with he dc, and there was a knock on the door and I ignored it. The person knocked again and I still ignored it. Next thing I know, a relative of mine is peering though the window at me - we lock eyes so they definitely know I'm in and that I know they're there, so I have to open the door. Thinking back to that morning still makes me go hot-cold with a kind of reminiscent panic - sometimes I just don't want to socialise unexpectedly and I found it mortifying!

S'pose I went a bit off-topic there - but yeah, YANBU, OP (but as someone else has pointed out, I don't think you mean 'anti-social'). I do actually quite often enjoy being social, but only when I know it's coming. And I don't think having a night out is at all childish.

Bunbaker · 08/03/2015 10:18

I agree BertiBotts.

We don't get many chuggers where we live as our house is a little out of the way. We don't live near family, but do have some friends locally, and I am always pleased to see them if they come knocking.

Those of you who don't answer the phone, why don't you have the landline removed? You could save a lot of line rental.

finnbarrcar · 08/03/2015 10:24

I find some of the attitudes on here quite strange, but I guess it's just that some are more vocal than others. I'm always confused by the puritanical views towards alcohol. Unless you're having a civil glass of wine in your own home of course. God forbid you should go out and get bladdered...you have CHILDREN!!! It's like we're never allowed to have a tipple incase we have to drive one of our DC to A&E until they're at least 18 and even then we're still meant to be on permanent watch.

popalot · 08/03/2015 10:26

Sounds a bit like me!!! I like to see people when it's organised. Freaks me out when I get a surprise visit. What if I'm in my jimjams? What if the house is a mess? So many things to worry about. But then I have a few anxiety issues (I'm working on it). Not sure I'll ever be able to cope with surprise visits. Wish I could! I'm sure lots of mumsnetters are much more sociable.

sPJPPp · 08/03/2015 10:29

God I never answer the door if im not expecting it. No good can come of that. Bad news comes knocking.

I also never answer my phone unless I know who it is.

Hathall · 08/03/2015 10:31

I'm an extrovert. I love being with people and chatting to them. I have girls night in and out. I love having people over but I absolutely hate people coming over unannounced and I don't answer the phone if I'm busy. Especially if I'm reading with the kids or something.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/03/2015 10:34

It's unsociable not anti social. Anti social is going to someone's house and pissing on the sofa.

I am unsociable and have never denied it.

I don't want to open my door to a total stranger. I don't care what they want. They usually want me to buy something or join something. No time is ever convenient.

My home is my place of sanctuary. I aren't much keen on folk and I need some warning if anyone wants to come as I aren't always in the mood for chatting. I tire quickly and generally want whoevers come to go home however much I like them.

I have no problem with nights out as long as I don't have to go on them if I don't want too.

RufusTheReindeer · 08/03/2015 10:40

I'm an extrovert

A bit shy with strangers but very bouncy and enthusiastic with friends

I've started book clubs and cake clubs, been a member of card making clubs, I see friends for coffee at least 3 or 4 times a week, go out for drinks once a weekish

Happy for people to pop in

Even met up with two mumsnetters for coffee last year, that was lovely

So YABU Smile

Hakluyt · 08/03/2015 10:40

The thing that gets me is how people are offended by things that I consider perfectly normal- I remember once saying thwt I had taken my neighbour's washing in because it has started raining, and I had a thread full of people saying how presumptuous and unreasonable I had been and how the neighbour would have had to wash it again because I had touched it........I was amazed! Fortunately my neighbour was the only other person in the world who thought it was a normal thing to do.......

Ragwort · 08/03/2015 10:44

I tend to find some of the things that seem to enrage quite a few mumsnetters a bit odd. But I am probably quite a bit older than the 'average' mumsnetter - and a lot more old fashioned. Grin.

What I find surprising is how so many seem to find normal social chit chat so difficult and agonise over sending a text to someone but wouldn't dream of having an old fashioned coversation.

Ragwort · 08/03/2015 10:46

finn - so agree with the views on drinking - people seem shocked that parents like to have a drink, and don't dare mention having a single glass of wine if you are pregnant. Shock.

I drink a glass or two most evenings and according to Mumsnet I am clearly a 'functioning alcoholic' Hmm.

EatDessertFirst · 08/03/2015 11:19

I live in a rough area. I'm not answering the door unless I know who it is. I don't like unexpected guests because our work times (both shift workers) mean we're home at strange times. I don't answer the phone to number I don't know as its normally some bot or a call . I don't like getting drunk.
These things don't make me anti-social. Its true that I prefer my own company, but I don't exclude people from my life. I don't have enough money or babysitters on tap to go out every week.
Horses for courses.

QueenFuri · 08/03/2015 11:30

I am anti social I don't particularly like talking too people I don't know. I don't answer the phone as it will be telesales, no-one ever phones me if someone wants me they text. I don't answer the door as people who know me just walk in.
I'm just not a people person I was painfully shy as a child and mostly everyone ignored me so I got used to not speaking to people.

AgentProvocateur · 08/03/2015 11:55

I agree that there is a disproportionate amount on unsociable people here, but I think that's the nature of online forums - that they attract people who may feel more comfortable communication on a screen.

What I struggle to understand is the unfriendliness that is exhibited sometimes. Things that me (and most people I know) would instinctively do. Hakluyt's washing thread for instance. Or the numerous threads about not making workmen a cup of tea or "letting" them use the toilet. And the recent one from the woman who asked fellow commuters for a jump start in the station car park - the majority of posters said they wouldn't have helped.

To me, helping someone in need (in an entirely safe scenario of a busy station car park in daylight), or offering basic hospitality are intuitive. And when I've said similar before, people have said that I must live in a crime-free village. I don't - I live in a busy town on the outskirts of glasgow, so no rural idyll.

CremeEggThief · 08/03/2015 12:10

I agree, OP, although I am one of your anti-social posters. I rarely open the door, keep my mobile on silent and have my land line plugged out permanently.Smile Smile

countessmarkyabitch · 08/03/2015 12:14

Agent, and yet while being so unfriendly, many MNers seem to be obsessed with other peoples manners, everything and everybody is rude! Text messages, conversations, even people looking at other people, its all rude and vile and nasty. Malice is always assumed even in the most innocuous exchange.
I find it all quite bizarre. And it must be so exhausting!

MehsMum · 08/03/2015 12:29

I'm an introvert, but I answer the door whether I'm expecting someone or not. Whether or not they get asked in for a cup of tea depends on who it is and how busy I am. But then, 'popping in' is normal round here: I took someone a condolence card the other day, knocked rather than shoving it through the letterbox, and was asked in for a few minutes even though they were just about to go out (getting their coats on).

In my experience most people in RL are pretty helpful and kind: I had a lost dog retrieved by bunch of local youths who had a very bad reputation (one's brother was a noted local drug dealer). And plenty of MNers seem really friendly and kind. Possibly it's just the arsey posters who are more motivated to post on some threads, and also people's net-selves and real-selves can be quite different. I have a vegetarian friend who puts up endless meat-is-murder type links on FB, but in RL hardly mentions anything like that.

AgentProvocateur · 08/03/2015 12:36

Countess, yes - it must be completely exhausting. But also not a great example to children, teaching them to expect the worst and distrust everyone.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 12:39

OP, you forgot, you are also supposed to run a public toilet in your home, open to everyone, and be sure to make them a drink and cook them a meal whilst they are in there.

Open up your garden and sheds to rough sleeper, but be sure to provide clean bedding, flasks of tea and soup and free WiFi.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 12:41

If you receive an invitation to a wedding, you must comply with everything the couple want, no matter the cost, you must find a way to save, it's their day!

If you have kids, anything other than turning them loose in the road from the age of 3, since we all live in 'quiet cul-de-sacs' with no road traffic, is helicoptering and they will end up living at yours forever unable to do a thing for themselves.

countessmarkyabitch · 08/03/2015 12:47

If you receive an invitation to a wedding, you must comply with everything the couple want, no matter the cost, you must find a way to save, it's their day!

PunkrockerGirl · 08/03/2015 12:48

I'm very sociable but equally my privacy is important to me. I really dislike people dropping by unannounced. It's rude, imo.
I don't always answer the landline, if it's important they'll ring me on the mobile.

giraffesNeedBigPoloNecks · 08/03/2015 13:04

I can be fairly antisocial but no one wants to hang out with me when I am ill and coughing up green gunk - which is fairly often at the moment. So am forced in to being like this, so am glad there are people on mn to keep me company!

PrettyFeet · 08/03/2015 13:05

I call it competitive rudeness on here Grin

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/03/2015 13:13

If we've ever had workmen here I always offer them a drink and they are more than welcome to use the toilet if they need too. As long as they don't miss the pot or leave it unflushed I really don't have a problem with it.