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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Mumsnetters are quite antisocial?

209 replies

ifdaryldiesweriot · 06/03/2015 21:19

Just from reading different threads its just the feeling I get.

People don't answer the door or their home phone.

It has to be also be pre-arranged for anyone to pop over. My cousin came to deliver something today, no idea she was coming, happy to see her and invited her in.

People don't seem to like other people in their house, I was at a friends party last week. They were still up at 7am, I fell asleep and ended up staying the night - didn't ask and it wasn't a problem. I think this would horrify some.

A "girls night" seems to be viewed as rather childish.

If a partner has friends over it seems to have mutual agreement that this is annoying.

I could be very wrong and happy to be told so.

OP posts:
DowntownFunk · 08/03/2015 13:18

Of course a lots of MNers are unsociable. They're on here day and night instead of having a life answering the door/phone, having parties, going out with the girls. Grin It makes them happy, it's all good.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 13:20

Not just workmen, but random people who knock on the door, people who picked up an item you sold to them and then they left your home, people who are there to deliver something or clean the windows outside and, for whatever reason, make you feel uncomfortable and give you a bad vibe, gotta let all them in, too, or you're rude and horrible.

Don't forget the drink, biscuits, home cooked meal.

Otherwise, you're just an arsehole.

Homeless people in your garden shed? Don't ring 101! Gah, what bastards! Bring them sleeping backs, flasks of tea and soup, a spare computer.

Reserved a seat on the train and someone's in it? How dare you ask them to move! They all have a hidden disability and need it more than you.

HeyLuciani · 08/03/2015 13:23

I have stopped answering the landline. It rings about 5 times a week - we realised the other day that we haven't received any useful calls on it the past 6 years, it's always sales/PPI etc, even our OAP parents call us on mobiles.

I do answer the door, but that's because we live in an apartment building, so umexpected callers will always be a neighbour or the building staff. One of the best bits of living in a place like this is that random callers don't get past reception. Used to get loads of charity/religious/political callers and salespeople when I lived in a house. If I still lived in one I don't think I could be arsed answering the door all day to randomers - not so much that I'm unsocial, but I work from home so can do without interruptions.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 13:29

We have no landline and it's bliss. No nuisance calls.

We live in a close/block of flats with a buzzer so don't have to worry about the door so much.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/03/2015 13:30

expat Grin

And you have to do all of that with a big smile on your face Wink

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2015 13:37

Going to a party and it going on till 7am is for younguns is it not I'm far to old for all that nonsense I don't have to answer my phone if I don't want to why do I need to answer my phone or open my door ?

Bunbaker · 08/03/2015 14:35

I agree with AgentProvocateur. There does seem to be a disproportionate amount of rudeness either displayed or mentioned on MN. I don't come across this kind of rudeness in real life. Perhaps I just choose to surround myself with nicer people. Some people don't seem to understand the difference between being unsociable and downright rude.

I think whether you answer the phone/door depends on your circumstances. I live away from my family. Most of us don't have Facebook and we like to talk to each other on the phone. Mobile reception where we live isn't great, the older relatives don't own mobile phones and to ring us on our mobiles would be expensive for them.

Using the landline is the default option for us when making phone calls unless ringing another mobile. We live in a village with a low crime rate and have lovely neighbours. Whenever anyone knocks at the door it is more likely to be a friend than a foe.

I have also never been to a wedding wrganised by a bridezilla. I don't have friends that are rude on Facebook. I make drinks for workmen and allow them to use the toilet. I answer the telephone and the door.

As an aside, we had workmen at our house for 3 days last week. They drank copious amounts of tea, but never once asked to use the toilet. I expect the weeds down the side of the house will be dying now Hmm

DandyHighwayman · 08/03/2015 15:23

Hak our builder took in our washing, he was doing a roof project at the time; my mum was morto when I mentioned it. I was just grateful he saved me a job. He got extra cake the next day. Grin

I don't mind faaaaamily calling in unannounced. I do ignore phone calls if busy, say serving up supper or cake mixing reaching crisis point. This after a spectacular porridge-volcano-on-hob episode, sigh. Worse than dried on weetabix, that is all I am gonna say #chisel

iLoveMushrooms · 08/03/2015 15:40

i never answer the door to anyone im not expecting.
I answer the phone tho

exWifebeginsat40 · 08/03/2015 15:49

i don't have a landline phone - i've only got the line so i could get broadband.

anyone who knows me would never 'pop in' as i can't be doing with it. just a text will do - in this day and age it's so easy to do that i can't believe people don't even check if someone is in before going round.

so yeah, no phone or door answering for me. as previous posters have pointed out - it's not the law that if someone knocks on your door you have to answer it.

as for being rude - i couldn't give the slightest of fucks. my home is my sanctuary - i consider it rude to show up unannounced and expect hospitality on the spot.

i read somewhere last week that 41 is the age when you stop caring what other people think of you. i am firmly on board with that.

OnlyLovers · 08/03/2015 15:52

OP, you forgot, you are also supposed to run a public toilet in your home

Now that's not fair! (Although I'm kind of assuming you're overstating for humorous effect). There is a difference between making your loo available to people working in your house and flinging it open to the general public. I find the posts that say things like 'My loo is for me and my friends and family, not strangers' extremely Hmm.

Also that weird poster who said she never answered the door and it was rude of people to insist on coming to her door and knocking on it.

And I would take in a neighbour's washing if it rained, and would hope they'd do the same for me. I wouldn't feel the need to wash it again because they'd touched it, either. How odd.

And the current one about taking a cake to a new neighbour; posters are proudly saying that they don't eat things people have made at home.

It's all quite sad.

exWifebeginsat40 · 08/03/2015 16:09

there's a lot of hoiking going on here...

SomewhereIBelong · 08/03/2015 16:14

it is not unsociable or antisocial - it is just selfish - me, me, me - I'LL interact with people when it suits ME, heaven forbid it is a relative ringing because they feel lonely, or a friend popping round because they want to unload something important to them...

(some MNetters are quite selfish)

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 16:15

I love hen nights. I oughta head on over to netmums. I hate people turning up to my house unannounced if that adds balance Grin

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 16:21

Best ever comment I have read on one of the 'let 'em all use your loo' threads was in response to someone's, 'Everyone pisses and shits.' Someone wrote, 'Then they can go shit somewhere else.'

XLIX · 08/03/2015 16:23

I am an introvert, happily married to an introvert. We enjoy our solitude. I don't answer the door, I always check my phone before answering, my children know they must always ask before bringing a friend round. The thought of someone " popping by" is abhorrent to me. I guess I should also say, I am a social worker and dh is in EMS...in order for us to function in our work, we must have the ability to decompress and not have to deal with other people..

NobodyLivesHere · 08/03/2015 16:32

I'd quite happily leave the homeless guy in my shed as long as he didn't want to talk to me ??

NobodyLivesHere · 08/03/2015 16:33

somewhere I belong I'm really not selfish. I'm a very very good friend. I'm loyal to a fault. But I'm also allowed to want to be left alone.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 16:37

That thread was hilarious, Nobody. The OP's mum was mentally vulnerable (think she had early stage dementia) and there was a rough sleeper in her shed in a communal garden and people were falling over themselves telling the OP how they'd take him a sleeping bag and blankets, a 'welfare pack' featuring a rucksack full of supplies, flasks of tea and soup, etc etc.

Jackieharris · 08/03/2015 16:42

I don't answer the door because no one I know would come around unannounced.

I don't answer unknown callers because I don't want to hear a sales speech.

I like parties though.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 16:51

Lot of po faced hoiking on mumsnet, it's amusing and depressing at the same time. Why the hell wouldn't you let someone use your toilet if they were in your house. Confused

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2015 16:55

Tbf I answer my landline but the only people who ring it are cold callers and my mum or the occasional. Elderly auntie

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 17:13

'Why the hell wouldn't you let someone use your toilet if they were in your house. confused'

Well, in one thread, the OP was a single mum with her kids and the toilet upstairs, was on her own, and the delivery driver wanted to use the loo (he was at the door, not in the house) and she didn't feel comfortable.

In another, it was someone delivering furniture and another time it was a window cleaner who, for whatever reason, gave off a bad vibe/made teh OP who was alone in the house at the time uncomfortable.

Why the hell should anyone who feels uncomfortable with it let someone in their home, or an area in their home?

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 17:18

expat clearly I'm no expert in the history of toilet threads, I mean people who are already in your house, doing work or whatever. They are already in the house so why not let them use the toilet.

assessment · 08/03/2015 17:23

I'm not antisocial, I just like to be left alone Smile

I'll answer the door, and mostly the phone if I'm not busy. The idea of having people round gives me the vapours though, I hate the idea of people in my house. I realise this is a bit odd.

In fact I'd invited some friends round last week, had a panic attack in the day and we all ended up going out instead Grin