Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think Mumsnetters are quite antisocial?

209 replies

ifdaryldiesweriot · 06/03/2015 21:19

Just from reading different threads its just the feeling I get.

People don't answer the door or their home phone.

It has to be also be pre-arranged for anyone to pop over. My cousin came to deliver something today, no idea she was coming, happy to see her and invited her in.

People don't seem to like other people in their house, I was at a friends party last week. They were still up at 7am, I fell asleep and ended up staying the night - didn't ask and it wasn't a problem. I think this would horrify some.

A "girls night" seems to be viewed as rather childish.

If a partner has friends over it seems to have mutual agreement that this is annoying.

I could be very wrong and happy to be told so.

OP posts:
MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/03/2015 17:28

I wouldn't be happy about a delivery person using my toilet. A workman whose already here - fine.
And I'm not selfish either. What's selfish about not wanting to be disturbed?

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2015 17:35

I once let q guy who was trying to sell me dearer blinds than I wanted he asked to use the toilet he proceeded to have a fag and moan to his office what a fucking tightfisted cow ShockI was. I was waiting ooutside the toilet wirh his bag and told him to leave

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 17:36

I'm not saying I love strangers using my toilet but the couple of occasions I have been asked I had no real reason to say no. Its not nice bursting for the toilet! Oddly, when I had a job that involved working in peoples homes, I never asked my clients. I went at the local petrol station on my breaks.

expatinscotland · 08/03/2015 17:36

Well, in one case, it was a person who came in to deliver furniture and, for whatever reason, I wasn't there, gave off a bad vibe and made the OP uncomfortable. She wanted him out, not upstairs using the loo where her kids were.

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2015 17:37

I'm not keen on visitors eitherit makes me uneasy yea it is odd but doesnt make me selfish just really weird

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 17:38

mrsjay Thats shocking! Okay youre all right. The next person who asks to use my loo has had it! Cheeky sod.

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2015 17:39

I used to be in and out of peoples houses when I worked I don't think I used their toilets once

Ragwort · 08/03/2015 17:40

I agree with somewhere's comments, two people have rung my doorbell today, one was an elderly neighbour who cares for her disabled DH - she leads a very lonely life so it is no hardship to spend a few minutes chatting to her (and she is a very useful personal 'neighbourhood watch' for me Grin) the other was someone bringing some very generous donations for a voluntary organisation I help.

I also had a phone call from someone donating a large sum of money to the organisation.

It would have been very churlish of me to ignore any of those 'interruptions' Hmm. A few minutes is a hardly a 'disturbance' - there was no obligation to invite anyone in.

Equally I love to know that if I ever have an emergency and need help I can count on my neighbours and friends - that might mean being more 'accessible' than some mumsnetters clearly are but I love being part of a helpful and supportive community. Smile. There have been occasions when my DS got home from school before me and he knows who he could go to and who he could get a key from (obviously old enough to have his own key now but handy when he loses it.)

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2015 17:41

I couldn't believe the bloody cheek of the man I live in a flat I could hear him from the livingroom

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 17:48

expat Fair enough. Maybe I'm a bit naive. If I felt a bad vibe I probably would say no too. I would feel awkward though. Need some big girl pants.

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 17:49

mrsjay but did you buy the blinds? Grin

Mabelface · 08/03/2015 17:52

Hermit like and happy, thank you very much. I see people when I want to.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/03/2015 17:52

Neighbours aren't really strangers though are they? I mean I don't speak to some of mine, no reason too, haven't fallen out with them, they just live further up this street and I just know their faces really. If they knocked I'd answer cos I'd recognise them. Anyone else I don't well they'll just have to stand there knocking.

Burke1 · 08/03/2015 17:53

Speaking honestly, it seems that Mumsnetters are a lot more polite to you if your reproductive organs are on the inside. If they are on the outside then you're a "potential threat" a "possible rapist", aren't allowed to disagree with a woman or else you are "mansplaining".

Mabelface · 08/03/2015 18:05

Burke - you mean SOME mumsnetters. I like men very much.

Mrsjayy · 08/03/2015 18:11

I like men just the ones smoke in my toilet and slag me Off I'm not keen on Grin

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 08/03/2015 18:28

Oh dear god!

LoisWilkersonsLastNerve · 08/03/2015 18:31

He won't save us mrs He's a man.

GreyjoysAnatomy · 08/03/2015 18:33

I don't answer the door as my friends all just walk in, and often get fed and stay over. Them's the rules in my house, you knock I won't answer Wink

And the phone, erm no I won't.t answer if I don't know the number, if its important they can leave a message, but generally an unknown number will be a call centre or something.

Nowt anti social about me, thanks Grin

ShadowsShadowsEverywhere · 08/03/2015 18:36

I'm an introvert but I think I'm at the extreme end of the spectrum. We had a busy day yesterday, most of last week was hectic, kids went to parties, appointments, out the house a lot. Today I'm feeling it. I feel physically exhausted; my limbs are all heavy, it feels like an effort to hold a conversation with the kids. I've not had a shower or got dressed, the curtains are closed, the phones off the hook and I won't be answering the door. I have spent most of today curled up on the sofa reading and desperately need to get the kids to bed so I can just spend the rest of the evening in the bath in the dark. I need to do all this, so that I can be "back to normal" tomorrow and for the rest of the week as I'm out the house lots again.

My friends and family actually like me, so know I'm like this and understand. They don't think I'm rude or antisocial, they understand that I work a bit differently to the more extroverted of them. I can see whose at the door so if it's the postman or a delivery I will answer the door, but any other door knockers would be JWs or cold callers. Neighbours don't knock, they call over the fence when I'm out with the chickens. I don't drive so they wouldn't be knocking about car lights or anything urgent. My landline has an answer phone so I just call people back. As for poppers in, as I said above people understand what I'm like and always prearrange. The few times someone has popped in they turned up when DD had had a meltdown. DD was screaming so much she has being sick, the house looked like a bomb had gone off, I was in my pjs and the poppers in were properly mortified and apologetic. Everyone's different. Live and let live.

Roussette · 08/03/2015 18:41

I'm with Bunbaker and AgentProvocateur. I can't imagine not answering the door - I did last week and took delivery of a huge bouquet of flowers as a thank you from someone, I wouldn't have wanted to miss those! Even if it's someone selling something I always go to the door and say no thank you nicely. When the doorbell goes 90% of the time it is someone wanting to speak to me - neighbour, friend or whoever. I can go weeks without the doorbell ringing, it's not all the time, but I would never ignore it.

Same with landline. Mobile reception is rubbish, I get a lot of calls on my landline, be it work, friends, rellies. I don't converse on Facebook with people (excepot DC's) and although I email a lot with work and friends, my main lines of communication are seeing people face to face and talking with them on the phone.

Workmen (who I tend to know) always get tea and coffee - 2 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon and they can use the loo as much as they want. It would be bloody odd to say no because they aren't a sub species are they... Confused

ConeyIslandPeach · 08/03/2015 18:43

I think my sister lives on Wisteria Lane.

Her and her neighbours host bbqs exclusively for their street.

I made a joke that she should have a progressive dinner party and she said - oh wow what a good idea, I'll suggest it.

She thought I was being deadly serious. Each to their own Grin

talkingofmichaelangelo · 08/03/2015 18:46

2 things to note about this thread:

1 - like the "ltb" trope, perhaps the "don't bloody answer the door" trope just serves as a useful corrective to the prevailing view in society that women, esp SAHMs, are always available to anyone who fees like battening off their social energy

2 - I KEEP wondering wtf is going on with all the people doing poppers on this thread till I see "poppers IN"

treaclesoda · 08/03/2015 18:51

I wouldn't throw my door open for all and sundry to use my toilet, and I wouldn't let someone into my house if they made me feel uncomfortable. If a cold caller comes to the door I often just ignore it.

But I am Shock at the idea that knocking on a friend or neighbours door is the height of rudeness as has been suggested on this thread. If I call without a prior arrangement it will be for a reason (eg to collect something I've left behind) and I certainly don't expect to be invited in. But if I knew my friend was home and they knew I was knocking on the door but they refused to answer I'd be really hurt, and I'm not someone who is easily offended. Similarly, during a recent storm, something blew off my neighbours' house and into my garden. The only way I could return it was by knocking on the door - it would just have blown away entirely if I didn't hand it back so that they could reattach it. I don't know their phone number so the only way to return it was to knock the door. I find it really depressing that some people would find me rude for wanting to return it.

Roussette · 08/03/2015 18:57

Totally agree Treacle, my NDN's son had kicked his ball by accident into our garden, he knocked at the door and asked me if he could go in our garden and get it back (he was so sweet too, he looked like the Milky Bar kid if anyone remembers that!) . I would have felt mean not answering the door.